The Forgiveness Solution. Philip H. Friedman

you are serious about walking on that road yourself, read this book—and use it.”

      —ROBERT PERRY, founder of the Circle of Atonement and author of Path of Light and Signs: A New Approach to Coincidence, Synchronicity, Guidance, Life Purpose, and God's Plan

      “I opened this book and could not stop reading it! If you want to give up guilt, suffering, or painful distance from loved ones who have disappointed or hurt you, definitely get yourself a copy of The Forgiveness Solution. This is the most practical book you can buy on forgiveness. It can help you restore your own peace and happiness and make a rapid 180° turn in healing the most important relationships in your life!”

      —DIANA KIRSCHNER, PH.D., author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love

      First published in 2009 by

      Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

      With offices at:

      500 Third Street, Suite 230

      San Francisco, CA 94107

       www.redwheelweiser.com

      Copyright © 2009 by Philip Friedman

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

      ISBN: 978-1-57324-462-6

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

      Cover design by Maija Tollefson

      Text design by Maxine Ressler

      Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro and Avenir

      Photographs by Raymond W. Holman, Jr.

      Printed in the United States of America

      VG

      10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

      The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials Z39.48-1992 (R1997).

      Dedicated to my wife Teresa Molinaro-Friedman, my son Mathew A. Friedman, and to the late Martha Crampton, a close friend and colleague.

      Contents

       INTRODUCTION

       What Is Forgiveness?

       Who Will Benefit from This Book?

       How to Use This Workbook

       Do You Work Better Alone or with Someone Else

       What Are Some of the Major Benefits of Forgiving?

       Forgiveness and Health

       Forgiveness in Marriage

       Over the Long Term

       “But What If I Have Blocks or Resistances?”

       CHAPTER 1. Where Are You Now? Some Basic Self-Assessments

       Assessing Where You Are

       Exercise Checklists

       Distress Checklist

       Well-Being Checklist

       Diagram 1. Summary of Relationship between Forgiveness, Beliefs, and Emotions and Well-Being

       Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS)

       Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS)

       The Gratitude Questionnaire (GQ6)

       How Forgiving Are You?

       The Heartland Forgiveness Scale (HFS)

       Heartland Forgiveness Scale Self-Scoring and Interpretation

       Summary of Scores: Initial Assessment Scoring

       CHAPTER 2. Identifying Who You Feel Has Harmed You

       Exercise: Who Did Something within the Past Year That Hurt or Harmed You?

       Journaling Experience 1: Last Year

       Journaling Experience 2: Earlier in Life

       Journaling Experience 3: Yourself

       Using Affirmations

       Exercise: Affirmations 1 and 2

       Exercise: Journaling Positive Benefits of Experiences 1–3

       Keep on Journaling

       CHAPTER 3. Discovering What Hurts: One Core Problem (Unforgiveness) and One Core Solution (Forgiveness)

       One Core Problem, One Core Solution

       Exercise: Identifying Your Grievances and Attack Thoughts