For years, I suffered like you. And to be truthful, I still deal with anxiety from time to time. But it no longer takes me over and rules my life. I wanted to write this book for you and the many others who, like myself, have struggled with fear, worry, stress, and overwhelm—and who long to be free of their anxiety.
Now, listen to the stories of clients, students, and friends who have found this path to releasing and transforming anxiety helpful. Picture yourself in their shoes, and envision what can be possible for you—a life of greater ease, serenity, and confidence.
You Can Feel Calm, Confident, and Courageous!
“We have come into this exquisite world to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom, and light!”
—Hafiz
There’s no question that anxiety is challenging to deal with. Fear is the biggest obstacle to living a divinely inspired life. We’re all familiar with fear and how it can stop us in our tracks.
But there’s hope. You picked up this book because you wanted to make a change in your life, and some part of you knew you could.
I want to share with you not just my story, but the stories of many others who have worked with various principles from this book over more than twenty-five years as a counselor and yoga teacher. I’ve also interviewed a number of spiritual people about their anxiety, what makes it worse, and what calms them.
They’ve struggled with many of the same things you probably do: stressed-out minds, agitated thoughts, worries about things like money, difficulties in their job, relationship challenges, social anxiety, worries about the state of the world, fear of change, self-doubt…you name it, I’ve probably worked with it. Read on to see that it is possible to awaken from your anxiety.
Anxiety from Your Past
Many of us have painful, traumatic events in our past and are still dealing with their ramifications. Anxiety often has its source in one of those past events. But it can be healed and transformed with mindful and patient application of these principles.
Lian moved to the United States from a war-torn country in Asia in her teens. As you can imagine, her childhood was difficult, and not just because of the very real danger of being killed by the fighting factions in her town. She had a mother who was an abusive alcoholic and a father who was often absent most of the year due to having to seek employment in a nearby country.
Recent triggering events in the world caused Lian’s anxiety to rear its head again, and she felt like curling up into a ball on my therapist’s couch. She wanted to squeeze her entire self into the core of her body and visualized covering it with a very hard, thick shell.
As we practiced the techniques in the chapters “Feeling Your Anxiety” and “Listening to Your Anxiety,” she was able to dialogue with the “hard shell.” She expressed appreciation for its desire to protect her, and she listened to what that part of her needed.
Breathing into this, her body softened, and she noticed that her neck and shoulders relaxed more. She felt very tired and even dozed off for a moment—the armoring let go enough for her to feel safe to fall asleep, right there on the couch! While working together over a period of time, Lian became more and more skilled at embracing her anxiety, moving through it, and transforming it.
Needing to Control
Carla—who you will read more about later in this book—was a diligent, hardworking real estate professional and had a family to care for as well. She came to my yoga classes and teacher training to expand her horizons and feed her soul. As we explored yoga philosophy more deeply, she realized she had control issues that caused anxiety and hindered her ability to feel inner peace.
Even though she didn’t consider herself religious, she found that she could have a spiritual practice that surrendered everything over to the Universe. Using some of the principles in the “Surrender” chapter, when she felt overwhelmed by life’s demands, she would “take all that anxious energy, visualize releasing it into the universe, and trust that everything would work out.” She felt comfort in the fact that whatever was going to happen was meant to be. “I truly felt myself give up control. I have a newfound sense of peace that comes from allowing myself to give up control and completely trust that whatever happens was meant to happen. My anxiety has decreased significantly, and when I do begin to feel overwhelmed, all it takes is a quick reminder to just let it go.”
Gratification, Impatience, and Trust
Impatience and difficulty delaying gratification are common triggers of anxiety. Holly could relate to that. She found that when she couldn’t get something instantly, she tended to think about it a lot. This led to worry and anxiety. Holly didn’t feel as “in control” of her thoughts as she would like. “If I can’t see how it will be, how it can change, or what the outcome might be, it triggers anxiety.”
After reflection and years of working on her inner healing process, Holly realized (much like Carla) that it’s “a fallacy to believe I can control everything.” She developed more trust and was able to wait more patiently for things to unfold. In another example of the power of surrender to transform anxiety, Holly learned to appreciate and accept things as they are for now, and to be more present in the moment (see the upcoming chapter “Presence”). “I think that is what is meant by Grace.”
Anxiety and Highly Sensitive People
Many of us on the spiritual path are “Highly Sensitive Persons,” or HSPs. According to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of the national bestseller, The Highly Sensitive Person, HSPs tend to be easily overstimulated (and thus anxious), have finely tuned empathy, process deeply, and are sensitive to subtleties, such as shifts in other people’s mood or energy. Melissa definitely qualified, and anxiety had been a lifelong challenge for her.
Melissa tended to feel everything—her own emotions, which were deep and intense, and everyone else’s, too. It was difficult to distinguish her feelings from those of others. She also had a low tolerance for incongruity: when people said one thing and did another, it troubled her. She could feel the truth of the situation, but others would deny it, even when it was apparent. Additionally, Melissa compared herself to others frequently, compounding her anxiety and undermining her confidence.
Melissa began shifting out of anxiety by being conscious of how and where she placed her attention. Working with the practices in the “Embodiment” chapter (especially Me/Not Me and maintaining healthy energetic boundaries), she was better able to navigate the world and other people’s emotions without being triggered into fear and worry.
Avoiding Feelings vs. Sitting with Them
Elisa was another yoga student of mine who had a lot of stress and anxiety in her life. She found that she tended to cope with the stress, as many of us do, by overeating or having a glass of wine. But she knew this wasn’t solving the problem, just avoiding it.
Elisa found a way to shift the anxiety by coming deeply into the present moment with the feelings within her (and you will, too, in the chapters on “Presence” and “Feeling Your Anxiety”). When the emotions arose, she practiced sitting with them rather than avoiding them. “When I do stop, I find that, like everything else, negative feelings pass. Both meditation and yoga are useful tools to sit with negative feelings until they leave.” This not only calmed her anxiety but built her emotional resilience, leading her to insight and growth.
Sonya M. Kelly, PhD, psychologist and author of the book, Meditative Visualization: How 2 Minutes A Day Can Change Your Life,