This first section is an introduction to anxiety and some particulars about how it may be different for the spiritual person. I’ll share with you my own journey from fear to serenity through stages in my life. Finally, you’ll read several examples from my clients over the years of how they’ve worked through their anxiety. I think you’ll find some common ground to reassure you that, indeed, you’re stepping onto a path to transform that anxiety—and your life—into a more calm, confident place within you.
The Problem of Anxiety, Especially for Spiritual People
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt
I Thought It Would Go Away
Anxiety is supposed to disappear when you become more spiritual. That’s probably what you hoped for when you embarked on the path of awakening. You saw the Dalai Lama, advanced yogis in lotus pose, and teachers of spiritual awakening looking completely at ease and radiant and thought, “That’s for me.” You didn’t bargain on actually feeling more anxiety!
Of course, you were called to explore a deeper connection to something beyond you—the Divine, as I like to call it. But perhaps you secretly hoped that by doing meditation, prayer, yoga, chanting, ceremony—whatever—you’d not only become somewhat enlightened, but that the anxiety would dissolve. You’d be overcome with inner peace, and you’d float by with that serene, “spiritual” look on your face that shows you have it all together and nothing bothers you.
Then, reality hit.
I’ve been there. I’ve put that pressure on myself to be oh-so-spiritual in order to get away from my stress, worry, and fears. And it didn’t work. You’re in good company if you feel the same.
But I have found something—a number of things, actually—that did make a difference with my anxiety. They can for you, too.
Before we step into this new journey together, let’s take a look back, a look at anxiety: in particular, your experience of anxiety.
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is actually a normal human response to difficult times in life. We all experience anxiety sometimes. The Oxford dictionary defines anxiety as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.” The American Psychological Association adds that “Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”
So anxiety is an emotion, everyone has experienced it, and it is also accompanied by physical sensations. Who hasn’t felt some anxiety before a test, a move, a wedding day, or a speech? Sweaty palms, furrowed forehead, tense shoulders and jaw, and the desire to curl up in a ball might all be physical manifestations of the feeling of anxiety. Which ones have you had? How would you describe your experience of anxiety?
Under what circumstances do you typically experience anxiety? Uncertainty is a key element here. It is said that fear is about a present event (something happening right now), but anxiety is about the uncertainty of things to come. However, as you’ll discover in this book, even in the present moment with something happening right now, fear—which creates anxiety—may not be based on actual real-time events. It’s very rare that we experience true fear. Most of what we’re experiencing when we say we’re afraid is a flavor of anxiety.
When Anxiety Gets Bad
What prompted you to pick up this book? It may have been that anxiety is starting to get the best of you. This is when our anxiety becomes more than just occasional worry or nervousness.
Modern-day society, at least here in the United States, seems to be a pressure cooker just made for creating more anxiety and stress. What if I don’t have the money to pay the bills this month? Got to look good for that presentation to the investors on Friday. I need to make a decision about selling the house this week! How will I get everything cleaned out in time for the move? My son is struggling in school—how do I help him? I’ve got to talk to my boyfriend about the blowup the other day, but how do I avoid setting him off? Many life stressors can contribute to our anxiety.
The real challenge is when you find anxiety accompanying you in your day-to-day life, even with little things. What to get at the grocery store can cause someone to feel overwhelmed. How will I ever get everything done tomorrow? What do I have to do to meet all our expenses? Heavy traffic and long commutes to and from work can compound our stress load. When anxiety starts to permeate our lives and we realize we’re living with a low level of fear (or a not-so-low level!) most of the time, then we know it’s time to do something about it.
The Psychological View of Anxiety
When anxiety becomes a disorder, it’s reached the stage where it is not only permeating our lives but causing other unpleasant side effects. There may be intrusive thoughts that recur over and over—negative habits of mind. You might start avoiding situations just to avoid feeling anxiety, like turning down a date or an opportunity to give a talk at a local meet-up group. And it can cause physical symptoms such as shaking, sweating, dizziness, or a rapid heartbeat, and even manifest in a number of diseases and illnesses.
The most challenging aspect of anxiety is if it turns into a panic attack. This is the extreme form of anxiety and can result in shortness of breath and a feeling like you’re having a heart attack. If you have panic disorder, it’s essential that you seek a professional to assist you one-on-one and provide regular support to help you shift out of the negative trains of thought and behaviors (and the biochemical aspects) that lead up to panic attacks. This book can be a helpful adjunct to that work, but it’s not going to be sufficient for that high-level kind of anxiety.
Most of you who are reading this book aren’t having panic attacks, though. Your stress may feel like it’s through the roof, and you’re dealing with worry all the time, but it hasn’t impacted you physically to that extreme.
That’s where this book can truly help. And the fact that you are on a spiritual path is a huge benefit. Your faith and trust in something greater than you will help you through the anxiety to find some serenity on the other side.
The Spiritual Person’s Dilemma—Spiritual Anxiety
Now, we add in our spiritual lives to the anxiety-producing mix, and things can get complicated. Because as we journey on our spiritual paths, we can find ourselves getting anxious about the process. We can find ourselves thinking, “Why aren’t my thoughts calming down when I meditate?” “Am I doing it right?” “I feel like a sham for skipping two days,” “I’ve got to keep up with everyone else in yoga class,” and “I’ve avoided prayer for days, and now I feel bad.”
You see, we tend to put the same pressure on ourselves in our spiritual endeavors as we do everything else—which doesn’t help with calming that anxiety down.
On top of that, we may believe—consciously or unconsciously—that since we’re spiritual, we should be beyond all that. We think we should already be more calm and confident because we’re doing all the right things, or at least trying to. We create spiritual anxiety on top of our day-to-day worries. We’re supposed to be transcending those base human emotions and simply be filled with love and light. Right?
Not exactly.
Yes, with the help of this book, your spiritual path will help you to find the way out of anxiety and the way into inner peace. But it’s through a different door, and it requires a new kind of journey.
A New Journey, a New Habit
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