Group session of psychologist
Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:
– Many people do not have a habit of praising themselves. It’s really bad because then they start to kick and blame themselves. It makes everything even worse. Mood, self-esteem, well-being, and efficiency – all these factors are getting lower.
Words like “idiot,” “pig,” “cow,” “screwhead,” “ham-handed,” “you are terrible” – come from childhood. Then a person grows up, but there are hours and hours of “audio records” in his head, in his memory. Parents and teachers scolded us when we were kids. Then a person grows up and starts to scold himself just like his parents and teachers did before. He spoils his life with this endless scolding without even knowing it. There is an old Chinese saying: “Call yourself a pig for ten times, and you will grunt.”
What if you call yourself a superstar ten times?
– You’ll shine and twinkle!
– That’s why we have to praise ourselves!
Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs. As they say: “Say good things about yourself often. The source will be forgotten, but the information will stay”. The others will see your good, positive side too.
Group session of psychologist
Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:
– So, self-scolding is forbidden.
That’s why we praise ourselves. I’ll give you at least a few reasons. Please tell me what we improve by praising ourselves regularly.
– Mood.
– Fine. What else?
– Self-esteem.
– Of course. When we are in a good mood and appreciate ourselves, how will it affect our lives? What will be improved?
– Relationship!
– Yes! Besides, we become more productive, both at work and at the creative activity. Wherever you look, there are only advantages.
But it’s so hard to make people praise themselves. I have to force them to do it. Most people do not have this good habit.
Let’s write down our homework. Set aside one clean sheet for homework. It would help if you wrote down there all the homework. Now, write down your first task. Tomorrow morning you have to praise yourself at least five times until our meeting. You should especially praise yourself for self-nurturing. I fed myself regularly – well done, I took lunch to work – what a clever girl. I overslept and came late to work – it’s OK, at least I’ve got enough sleep. Well done!
– ☺
– The glass is half full, not half empty. A positive attitude is all we need!
Tomorrow I’ll ask whether you have praised yourself five times or not. A typical excuse I usually hear: “I don’t have time for it”. It’s irresponsible. Agree? How much time do you need to praise yourself? Five seconds. So, “no time” won’t work. I’ll ask you about praising tomorrow.
Recipe for success
Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:
I noticed that when I ask people to praise themselves at least three times, the next day, many people say that they did it only once or twice. When I began to ask them to praise themselves at least fifteen times, everything changed. Now it seems to be so simple to say something kind to yourself five times.
There is a good saying. Unfortunately, I have no idea who said it, but I’d like to share it with you: “It is better to aim for the stars and hit the top of the mountain than to aim for the mountain and hit the dirt.”
Another thing: it’s very important to write down all the praises. Just thinking about them is not enough.
A well-known personal growth expert Barrett Brown researched how the most successful people develop their personality. He identified three patterns that are common to all of them.
First, they meditated. Some people did yoga, the others – qigong, some used awareness practice or daily practice of prayer, and so on.
Secondly, they all kept a diary. They made daily records of their achievements, insights, asked themselves questions, and answered them.
Thirdly, everyone had a coach, mentor, or friend with whom they discussed how they were moving towards the goal.
Despite being very busy, they found time to do it.
It just so happens that most people use to scold themselves. If I gave you the task to scold yourself five times, then (as I often heard) there would be no difficulty. And the scolding would sound sincere, with appropriate intonations. When a person praises himself, the tone is not always entirely sincere. It is usually playful, sometimes even cynical. It is known that intonation affects us much stronger than words. Therefore, while doing this exercise, try to praise yourself sincerely, even for very modest achievements.
I have seen many times that even such simple exercise helped people to improve self-esteem. And it is self-esteem that determines our well-being, how we treat others, and how we operate in life. This exercise can be made more complicated. To do this, you need a person who won’t let you “escape”.
It can be a person who desires to lose weight, except for your relatives. They are not suitable for this role. You agree with this person that every evening for ten days you will talk by phone or e-mail each other listing ten points of your “achievements” – good things that you have done today. The key challenge is that you can’t say the same thing twice. So, you’ll get one hundred achievements for ten days! It usually becomes difficult after the twentieth point, but after the fortieth one, on the contrary, all the difficulties disappear.
In doing so, you immediately engage three vital areas: you will practice awareness and self-observation, keep a diary, and discuss it with a friend.
Group session of psychologist
Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:
– Do you think it’s possible to take all the negative emotions away from your life?
– No.
– Can we eliminate negative emotions relative to our eating behavior?
– Yes.
– Of course, there is no room for them. I feed myself regularly, praise and love myself, nurture myself. What do we get then instead of self-pity?
– Pride!
– Even better than that. Mila, what do you think?
– Self-respect.
– What else? Any ideas?
– Love to yourself.
– Recently, this word has become a bit overworked. It is written almost on every fence, in every book, newspaper and magazine. They all persuade you that you need to love yourself, and then everything will be fine. But nobody says how to do it.
How do you love your kids? You take care of them. Loving yourself in practical terms is about taking care of yourself. Self-nurturing suggests that you should spend some resources for yourself. What recourses? Time, money and energy.
Building a new body
– I don’t mean that you should love yourself like it was proposed in a well-known cartoon about