Such a pretty, pretty wedding!
ELSA. If her dress is badly fitting,
Theirs the fault who made her trousseau.
BERTHA. If her gloves are always splitting,
Cheap kid gloves, we know, will do so.
OLGA. If upon her train she stumbled,
On one's train one's always treading.
GRET. If her hair is rather tumbled,
Still, 'twill be a pretty wedding!
CHORUS. Such a pretty, pretty wedding!
CHORUS.
Here they come, the couple plighted—
On life's journey gaily start them.
Soon to be for aye united,
Till divorce or death shall part them.
(LUDWIG and LISA come forward.)
DUET—LUDWIG and LISA.
LUD. Pretty Lisa, fair and tasty,
Tell me now, and tell me truly,
Haven't you been rather hasty?
Haven't you been rash unduly?
Am I quite the dashing sposo
That your fancy could depict you?
Perhaps you think I'm only so-so?
(She expresses admiration.)
Well, I will not contradict you!
CHORUS. No, he will not contradict you!
LISA. Who am I to raise objection?
I'm a child, untaught and homely—
When you tell me you're perfection,
Tender, truthful, true, and comely—
That in quarrel no one's bolder,
Though dissensions always grieve you—
Why, my love, you're so much older
That, of course, I must believe you!
CHORUS. Yes, of course, she must believe you!
CHORUS.
If he ever acts unkindly,
Shut your eyes and love him blindly—
Should he call you names uncomely,
Shut your mouth and love him dumbly—
Should he rate you, rightly—leftly—
Shut your ears and love him deafly.
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Thus and thus and thus alone
Ludwig's wife may hold her own!
(LUDWIG and LISA sit at table.)
Enter NOTARY TANNHAUSER.
NOT. Hallo! Surely I'm not late? (All chatter
unintelligibly in reply.)
NOT. But, dear me, you're all at breakfast! Has the
wedding taken place? (All chatter unintelligibly in reply.)
NOT. My good girls, one at a time, I beg. Let me
understand the situation. As solicitor to the conspiracy to
dethrone the Grand Duke—a conspiracy in which the members of
this company are deeply involved—I am invited to the marriage of
two of its members. I present myself in due course, and I find,
not only that the ceremony has taken place—which is not of the
least consequence—but the wedding breakfast is half
eaten—which is a consideration of the most serious importance.
(LUDWIG and LISA come down.)
LUD. But the ceremony has not taken place. We can't get a
parson!
NOT. Can't get a parson! Why, how's that? They're three
a
penny!
LUD. Oh, it's the old story—the Grand Duke!
ALL. Ugh!
LUD. It seems that the little imp has selected this, our
wedding day, for a convocation of all the clergy in the town to
settle the details of his approaching marriage with the
enormously wealthy Baroness von Krakenfeldt, and there won't be a
parson to be had for love or money until six o'clock this
evening!
LISA. And as we produce our magnificent classical revival
of Troilus and Cressida to-night at seven, we have no alternative
but to eat our wedding breakfast before we've earned it. So sit
down, and make the best of it.
GRET. Oh, I should like to pull his Grand Ducal ears for
him, that I should! He's the meanest, the cruellest, the most
spiteful little ape in Christendom!
OLGA. Well, we shall soon be freed from his tyranny.
To-morrow the Despot is to be dethroned!
LUD. Hush, rash girl! You know not what you say.
OLGA. Don't be absurd! We're all in it—we're all tiled,
here.
LUD. That has nothing to do with it. Know ye not that in
alluding to our conspiracy without having first given and
received the secret sign, you are violating a fundamental
principle of our Association?
SONG—LUDWIG.
By the mystic regulation
Of our dark Association,
Ere you open conversation
With another kindred soul,
You must eat a sausage-roll! (Producing one.)
ALL. You must eat a sausage-roll!
LUD. If, in turn, he eats another,
That's a sign that he's a brother—
Each may fully trust the other.
It is quaint and it is droll,
But it's bilious on the whole.
ALL. Very bilious on the whole.
LUD. It's a greasy kind of pasty,
Which, perhaps, a judgement hasty
Might consider rather tasty:
Once (to speak without disguise)
It found favour in our eyes.
ALL. It found favour in our eyes.
LUD. But when you've been six months feeding
(As we have) on this exceeding
Bilious food, it's no ill-breeding
If at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise!
ALL. Our offended gorges rise!
MARTHA. Oh, bother the secret sign! I've eaten it until
I'm quite uncomfortable! I've given it six times already
to-day—and (whimpering) I can't eat any breakfast!
BERTHA. And it's so unwholesome. Why, we should all be as
yellow as frogs if it wasn't