Joe Louis
Affectionate
When women kiss, it always reminds me of prize-fighters shaking hands.
H. L. Mencken
Extra-body Experience
I’d like to borrow Muhammad Ali’s body for just forty-eight hours. There are three guys I’d like to beat up and four women I’d like to make love to.
Jim Murray
Rule Of Thumb
Queensbury Rules K.O.
Graffiti
Tunnel vision
Joe Bugner emerges from the tunnel wearing an outrageous green and white dressing-room.
Gary Richardson
Double Negative
I ain’t never liked violence.
Sugar Ray Robinson
Poet’s Corner
He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem.
Eddie Shaw, on Herol ‘Bomber’ Graham
Double vision
I see two fellows in the ring; I hit the one that isn’t there and the one that is there hits me.
Billy Softly
The Arts Show
They called me ‘Rembrandt’ – because I spent so much time on the canvas.
Bob Hope
Face To Hand
He hit me among my face.
Henny Youngman
Uncertainty
How many chances do I get?
Chuck Wepner, during a standing count in his 1974 clash with Muhammad Ali, when the referee tried to test his senses by asking him what day it was
2. The Bad
Eye To Eye
His gloves, dear. I’ve never been hit by an eye in my life!
Terry Downes, when asked by a female reporter if he watched his opponent’s eyes or gloves
Against The Odds
I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
Muhammad Ali
A Vote of No Confidence
A lot of boxing promoters couldn’t match the cheeks of their buttocks.
Mickey Duff – boxing promoter
KO
My toughest fight was with my first wife, and she won every round.
Muhammad Ali
The Lion And The Lamb
Going into the King’s Hall is like going into the lion’s den – you go in like a lion and go out like a lamb.
Barney Eastwood
Slumberland
Terry Downes’ face looked as if he had slept on it.
Michael Parkinson
Cut Down To Size
General Gowan of Nigeria: I used to do some boxing.
Muhammad Ali: What did you box? Apples or oranges?
3. The Ugly
Deconstruction
The Great White Hopeless.
The Boston Globe’s verdict on Mike Tyson’s comeback opponent, Peter McNeeley
Suppression
Joe Bugner was like a volcano that never erupted.
Henry Cooper
In The Eye Of The Beholder
He’s [Joe Frazier] so ugly, they ought to donate his face to the World Wildlife Fund.
Muhammad Ali
Hard Neck
He [John Conteh] has a neck built like a stately home staircase.
Tom Davies
Turning Defence Into Attack
Baroness Summerskill: Mr Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?
Henry Cooper: Well, Madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What’s yours?
Acid Drops
He’s [Sonny Liston] so ugly, that when he cries the tears run down the back of his head.
Muhammad Ali
The adrenalin of the most exciting and dangerous sport in the world has generated many pithy and quirky quotations which have been a feature of racing parlance for decades. Grand Prix racing represents a curious mixture of stark death and side-splitting humour. The following anthology concentrates exclusively on the brighter side of the sport. The cast includes the magnificent men in the flying speed machines, the fanatics who worship them and cameo appearances from mechanics, drivers’ wives and journalists.
1. Danger
The Road To Recovery
I don’t know what happened, but I think it was quick. I feel okay. It’s a bit difficult to breathe because of my nose and my hand hurts a bit. I’m off to play with the nurses now.
Rubens Barrichello, following an accident
Casualties
You win some, lose some, wreck some.
Dale Earnhardt
Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This
The accident didn’t hurt me at all. It’s an honour to have been under your wheels. I was more worried about you. I have followed you all over, and now I’ve met you face to face. It really is a dream come true.
Spectator Ian Neild, who fell under Nigel Mansell’s car at the end of the 1992 British Grand Prix
Speed
Brakes only slow you up.
Tazio Nuvolari
Unwanted Passenger
As well as everything else, there was a lizard in the car. I kept trying to reach it to put it out of the car, but it kept getting away from me. It was still there at the end of practice.
Ronnie Peterson, on the hazards of practising at Monza
A Nun’s Story
I don’t know why everything keeps going wrong. Somebody at Team Lotus must have run over a nun.
Jochen Rindt
Novices
Some of these guys think their mirrors are just for shaving.
Jody Scheckter, on novices
Clash of the Titans
This is probably what you get when you have one man who believes in God, and another who believes he is God.
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