If you are in the above situation and there is a call that you really cannot miss or delay, then make that known to the person you are with from the beginning. If you tell them that you are expecting an important call and ask if they mind if you slip away to answer it, then at least you have shown them some consideration.
Most of us spend so much time with our phones glued to our hands. All it takes is a flick of the eyes towards your screen mid-meeting and you can lose your train of thought, and you appear disinterested in your immediate company. Whenever you are in the presence of another person (socially, for work or otherwise), keeping your phone away from the table is a really easy way to avoid distraction.
Be Kind – Starting with Yourself
We need to get out of the negative mindset where we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, don’t look or feel good enough, don’t try hard enough, and so on. People are often a lot more cruel to themselves than they would ever dream of being to other people. We spend so much time criticizing ourselves, and this can really intensify negative subconscious thought processes.
If you think about the pep talks you give your friends when they have their confidence knocked, or all the lovely things you might say to someone else – well, you deserve to hear those things, too. It is a huge step for a lot of people, but if you can find a way to be kinder to yourself, it can make a huge difference to how you see and cope with certain situations.
Of course, there are many ways you can show yourself kindness, and how we look after our bodies and minds is a big part of this.
Tools such as yoga and meditation can be a really great way not only to take care of yourself but also to delve a little deeper into understanding what you can do for yourself.
For example, there are two sets of ethical values in yoga, known as the Yamas and the Niyamas, which offer moral codes to live by. The first of the Yamas is Ahimsa, or non-violence. Yoga is a non-violent practice but sometimes we try to push ourselves or get frustrated within our practice. Letting go of expectation and judgement of ourselves and approaching our practice with kindness and compassion is learning to adopt the concept of Ahimsa.
This is something that we can then apply to other areas of our lives. It seems so obvious to practise non-violence towards other people or beings, but how often do we include ourselves in this?
‘It is so incredibly freeing to let go of expectation and judgement towards yourself and to truly accept every part of your being.’
As soon as you start being kinder to yourself, you can alleviate some of the negativity that can so easily dampen your true nature. It is incredibly freeing to let go of expectation and judgement towards yourself and to truly accept every part of your being. I imagine there are few people who can say they have detached entirely from personal criticism. But it isn’t about being perfect; it is much more about taking steps towards acceptance in order to help us to grow as individuals.
Comparing ourselves to others is the root of so much social anxiety. One of the things I am learning is that the world of social media really is a crazy one. On the one hand, it gives us the opportunity to connect with a broad number of people from all over the world, and opens us up to new ideas and sources of inspiration. On the other hand, we are then exposed to all of these people whose profiles aren’t necessarily a true reflection of reality. It is inevitable that we then have feelings of insecurity or dissatisfaction with our own lives, when compared to enhanced versions of other people.
The best person to compare yourself to is surely yourself. Rather than trying to match up to someone else, being the best version of you is such a wonderful way to focus your energy. Accepting who you are and focusing on that rather than on comparing yourself to others can be a healthy and positive thing to work on.
Learning to Look Out for Number One
Many of us spend our whole lives worrying about others, trying to fix their problems and even taking responsibility for the happiness of friends and family. However, taking the weight of others on your shoulders can cause you to overlook taking care of yourself.
We are all responsible for our own happiness and we have to find it within ourselves, rather than constantly search for it in external sources. In the same way, while you can have a positive impact on other people you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s happiness. They hold that responsibility themselves. So in a sense you have to learn to become a little bit selfish and ensure that you get enough of what you need to be content in your life.
The question arises, then, of what it is that you want. And that’s where tuning in with yourself is crucial, because there is so much to learn about ourselves that we can only find out by connecting with who we really are.
The Reality of it All
For most people, a lifestyle that revolves entirely around a passion may not be totally feasible. With greater responsibility generally comes less flexibility, and any risk becomes much greater. Whatever you’ve committed to that is preventing you from taking a leap now, there are still so many ways in which you can adapt your lifestyle to find a better balance.
For some people, their job is their passion. For others it might just be a means to an end. Most of us spend such a big part of our lives working, so being able to find the positive in each day can go a long way towards making us happy. Of course, we can’t all run off and do what we would love to do all day every day – and even those who love what they do have their ups and downs – but if you can find a way to do as much of what you love as possible, you allow yourself the opportunity to live a more fulfilling, happier lifestyle.
‘If you can find a way to do as much of what you love as possible, you allow yourself the opportunity to live a more fulfilling, happier lifestyle.’
We all take pleasure from different things. Some people are motivated to earn a good salary, perhaps so that they can take more expensive holidays, for example; others might be more inclined to live a simpler life if it means they have more time to enjoy the things they love. Someone with expensive hobbies may be happy to work longer hours, so they can afford to do the things they enjoy more in their time off. Some people like to feel amazing all the time, and so commit to a healthy, wholesome lifestyle; others may prefer to dip in and out of healthy choices, choosing to party or do the things they really enjoy without concern of whether or not it is good for them because it makes them feel good in other ways. Different things make each of us tick, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to indulge in whatever you enjoy whenever you can (within reason) and find your balance.
It can be hard to determine what these things really are, but there are fundamental questions you can ask yourself that might make things clearer. By taking the time to sit down and answer them honestly and fully, you can take stock of what you truly want from life.
When you are eighty or ninety years old and looking back on your life, what would you like to have seen, done and learned?
Does what you’re doing now, day to day, allow you to do those things?
If you were totally free from responsibility (financial or otherwise), how would you spend your time?
What makes you happy that already exists in your life?
What makes you unhappy?