Peach Blossom Pavilion. Mingmei Yip

strange sound emitted from Ah Ping’s throat. She was protesting that I shouldn’t feed the puppy with the delicacies reserved for important guests. I stuck out my tongue. She smiled back, then signalled me to continue eating.

      But the only thing I wanted now was to see my mother. Tears swelled in my eyes as I buried my face into Guigui’s.

      Ah Ping gestured with her hands. Something wrong?

      ‘Aunty Ah Ping, I have … a stomach ache, so can I—’

      She waved toward the door. Go.

      ‘Are you sure?’

      She nodded.

      ‘Then thank you very much.’ I put Guigui down on the floor. He protested by pulling the hem of my trouser leg with his teeth. ‘But Aunty Ah Ping—’

      Again, she waved frantically, then leant her cheek on her hands. Go, go take a nap.

      I hurried down to the courtyard, and after making sure that no one was hiding within the bamboo groves, treaded cautiously along the hidden path until I reached the main gate. Heart pounding, I hid behind the bamboo foliage for the right moment to escape. I waited until the denizens of the establishment – Fang Rong, Wu Qiang, the sisters, the maids, the amahs, the male servants, the guards – appeared for the ritual of greeting the arriving guests. While they were kowtowing and pouring flattery to the important visitors, I slipped out.

      Once clear of the gate, I ran all the way to the main street and hailed a rickshaw.

      ‘Hurry, hurry!’ I kept shouting to the coolie’s scrawny back.

      He turned and scrutinised me, his dull eyes menacing under the street light. ‘Little miss, this is a long way, so I have to save my energy. You don’t want me to fall down in the middle of the road; do you?’

      So I kept my mouth shut and listened to his tortured grunts until he finally entered a long, dark passage and pulled to a stop in front of a dilapidated house. I thrust a few coins into his calloused hand, then ran toward the low building. Dim light seeped out from under­neath our cracked door. I knocked on the thin wooden plank, my heart pounding and my mouth sucking in big gulps of air.

      The door creaked open and light flooded from behind Mother’s back. Eyes widened, she dropped open her mouth. ‘Xiang Xiang, what a surprise! I’ve been worried to death about you!’

      Choked with emotions, I could only utter a loud ‘Ma!’ then thrust myself into her arms.

      Mother led me inside and took me to sit down on the floor. The room was practically empty except for two suitcases and a few odds and ends.

      She was dressed in a threadbare black smock and trousers. Her hungry eyes scrutinised me for long moments. ‘Xiang Xiang, you look so different!’ she exclaimed, stroking my face. ‘Now your body is much stronger and your face rounder. I’m so glad that you’re well fed.’ She touched my floral cotton top and trousers. ‘Look at you in this pretty outfit!’ Before I could respond, she plunged on excitedly, ‘Xiang Xiang, I’m so glad that we finally have a piece of good luck!’

      ‘But Ma—’

      ‘Xiang Xiang, try not to complain too much; learn to be grateful.’

      So how could I have the heart to tell her the truth – that I’d been tricked into a prostitution house? Besides, I was indeed well clothed and fed and not too badly treated. Although Peach Blossom Pavilion was a prostitution house, it was indeed also a mansion for rich men and I did work there as a maid. So why distress Mother with the rest of the truth? Therefore, when she went on to ask me this and that about my new life, I simply told her not to worry.

      When I asked Mother why hadn’t she come to see me, she sighed, ‘Hai, Xiang Xiang, I’ve been very busy going from house to house to borrow money to pay off our debts before I leave this dusty world.’ She paused to put one strand of my hair in place. ‘I did try to go to your place, but the address Aunty Fang gave me was wrong. I’ve been asking around anyone who might know her, but,’ Mother stopped in midsentence to look at me tenderly, ‘anyway, you’re here now.’

      I scribbled my address and gave it to her. ‘Ma, this is the right address, so you can write me after you’ve arrived in Peking.’

      She carefully folded the paper as if it were a hundred silver-dollar bill and put it into her purse.

      My heart slowly shattered inside.

      Autumn was fading into winter. The weather had already turned chilly and most of the leaves on the white parasol trees had fallen, and were strewn along the Huangpu River bank.

      After a rickshaw ride and an interminable walk, my mother and I dragged our numbed bodies toward the North Train Station, dreading the moment of departure. Only one thought occupied our minds: We never knew when we would see each other again.

      Staring at the parasol leaves scattered in intriguing patterns along the asphalt ground, Mother said, her voice smeared with melancholy, ‘Xiang Xiang, we Chinese say “falling leaves returning to their roots.” You understand what this means?’

      I looked up and caught her eyes beaming with tears. ‘Yes, Ma, it means that no matter what happens, we should always find our way home.’

      A wry smile broke out on her bloodless face. ‘Will you remember this?’

      I nodded, too choked with sadness to say anything. Also because I was thinking: But Ma, where’s our home? I don’t think we have one to go back to any more! The turquoise pavilion, although it also had a ‘mama,’ was definitely not my home, nor was the nunnery my mother’s. But I swallowed my words as well as my tears.

      We arrived at the station and stepped inside the crowded lobby. Mother hurried to join the queue to buy tickets. I watched rich tai tai chatting languidly while waiting for their servants to buy them first-class passage.

      After a while, Mother rushed back to me, waving the ticket in her hand. We hurried to the train. In the past, I had always felt excited by trains. I’d liked listening to their ‘Wu! Wu!’ sound and watching the white smoke puffing out from their noses like steamed snow, while imagining the exotic places they would take me to. But now I dreaded this black monster. Soon it would grab my mother and take her away from me to a walled temple filled with bald-headed women reciting unintelligible sutras as if they were talking to ghosts!

      ‘Xiang Xiang,’ Mother said, while tenderly putting a Guan Yin pendant around my neck, ‘now hurry back to Aunty Fang and behave. Always obey her as if she were your real mother and never cause any trouble; you understand?’

      I felt tears stinging my eyes. ‘But Ma, that fat, ugly pig is not my mother!’

      Thwack! Mother slapped my face.

      I started to cry. ‘Ma, why don’t you take me with you?’

      ‘You think I’ve never thought of that?’ She sighed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my tears. Her voice came out soft and low. ‘Sorry that I hit you, Xiang Xiang. But do you have any idea what kind of a life it is to be a nun? It’s fine with me since my prime has passed and now I’m but a worthless old woman. But you’re young and beautiful and have a bright future waiting before you, so I won’t let you squander it in a nunnery. Besides,’ she sighed again, ‘one of the novice nuns told me that the Mother Abbess said …’ She stopped in midsentence.

      ‘Said what?’

      ‘That you’re too beautiful to be a nun, and she fears your beauty will bring bad luck to her temple.’

      Usually my heart would leap to heaven when people said that I was pretty, but now it sank to the bottom of the sea. ‘How do they know that I’m pretty?’

      ‘I told them, because I’m so proud of you.’ Mother patted my head. ‘Xiang Xiang, I know a servant girl’s life isn’t easy. But it’s only temporary. We’ll find a way out sooner or later. Now listen to me. After you’ve seen me off, go right