Well, Jabez made such a splurge in the social pool of Jonesville society, he made such florid eloquent boasts of the wonderful things he wuz goin' to do in the near future; his clothes wuz so showy, and his looks so showy (shaller I called it), with beady shiny black eyes, red cheeks, mustache and whiskers naturally red like his hair, but dyed black, and he played the fiddle so sweet, the girls said, and he sung comic songs so bea-eu-ti-ful, and he danced so light that he become a general favorite in Jonesville society and the girls all seemed to seek after him. But from the first he singled out Rosy as the object of his special patronizin' affection. She wuz well off, her pa left her a good property in money besides bein' so pretty and good herself.
And she, girls are so queer, the best of 'em, from the very fact that his affection wuz so patronizin' and down stoopin' to her, and kinder oncertain, for onlike Royal he would have spells of slightin' her and waitin' on other girls, why mebby for this very reason she seemed to be carried some distance away with him, and believed all his grand idees and looked forward to the realization of his stupendious schemes, high soundin' schemes, which had took him no furder than the middle of the creek and his uncle's back yard.
His uncle didn't believe in him no more than I did, but stood it with him on account of Karen, bein' a man that loved domestic comfort, and havin' lived in dirt, on pan-cakes and canned meats durin' different rains of incompetence materialized in hired girl form, before Karen come. But Karen worshipped Jabez, his highest mounts of future eminence seemed too low for his footstool in her adorin' eyes, somehow the very loftiness of his airs to her, his own mother who supported him and bought his clothes, seemed to render him more precious in her eyes. Wimmen are queer, queer as dogs.
Well, Jabez knew I wuz onwillin' to have him tackle the job of warmin' our house with his new water pipe invention, because I had spoke my mind about it when he and Karen had been over to spend the evenin', and Karen come over the next mornin' ostensibly to borry a cup of molasses, she wuz lookin' wore out, she'd worked so hard the day before, doin' a big washin' and bringin' the water from the creek, and I sez, "Why didn't Jabez bring it for you?"
"Oh, he wuz so busy with his inventions I couldn't bear to disturb him," sez she, holdin' her hand to her achin' side, "my son is the greatest genius in the world and folks will admit it yet, he's a young man of a thousand."
Sez I, "I should think more on him, Karen, if he should go to work and take care of you instead of you at your age workin' so hard to take care of him."
She married when she wuz quite well along in years and wuz gittin' old now and hadn't ort to work so hard. But her pale face lit up, "Oh, he will take care of me luxuriously when he's completed some of his inventions."
"But," sez I pityin'ly, "you know they hain't worked yet, any on 'em. You hung your washin' yesterday on the remains of his Perpetual Motion, and his motor carriage bein' dug up from the creek, his uncle uses it as a hen coop."
"Oh, but they will be successful, they will."
"I hope so, but I feel it my duty to tell you that I feel dubersome about it, dretful dubersome."
"But," sez she, "the New Perpetually Gushing Hot Water Tank is goin' to make us independently rich. He's takin' the plans now of Luman Heath's kitchen stove and riggin' up the machinery; Luman is to pay him lavishly, you know Luman's wife is my own cousin."
I see how it wuz, Karen's friends, to please her, wuz willin' to offer up their sure comforts and solid foundations as a sacrifice on the altar of friendship and the thought come over me, mebby I'd ort to. But it did seem as if I couldn't.
Sez Karen, "If it is a success at cousin Luman's, as it is dead sure to be, Jabez is goin' to take it to the St. Louis Exposition."
"He thinks the foreign powers will want to treat with him for it. But I told him I would ruther he would let our Government have it. But 'tennyrate he won't let the Powers git the better of him in the contract and control it and enrich themselves at his expense. He will get his onparelled idees patented before he takes it to St. Louis, it wouldn't be safe not to. I spoze the papers will be full of it."
Such talk didn't seem to move me a mite, but it impressed Josiah dretfully and he sez, "I shall have this new invention stand next to my hen coop at the Exposition of St. Josiah."
I shuddered and turned the subject round quick as I could. Well, Karen labored with me over two hours, dwellin' in particular on the perfect stillness of the heatin' apparatus, and agin as before that thought tempted me awfully, for I'd hearn the cracklin' snappin' sounds that sometimes comes from steam heat and dreaded to have it reproduced in my home, and seein' my looks Karen amplified on the idee, How sweet it would be in December to set down in a rockin' chair in the still warmth of a day in July and go through the winter in that luxurious lovely way. She talked till she had to go home almost on the run, for she said Jabez'es mind worked so hard it exhausted his body completely so she had to have the most nourishin' food ready for him at the very minute or he would break right down. But to the last she praised up Jabez'es work. But I wouldn't say a encouragin' word furder than this, "I feel dubersome about it, Karen, dretful dubersome."
That afternoon Rosy come over to stay all night, and she too tackled me on the subject. He had asked her to, always hangin' onto some woman for help. But with her too I used the same tick-tacks I had with Karen, I said mildly after each modest plea for his great genius, and how well he would do the work, "I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome."
Then she, too, sweetly spoke of the summer warmth, and the entire absence of noise, and agin that thought tempted me, but I sez, "How do you know, Rosy, that it will be entirely noiseless?"
"Oh, I know it will, Jabez sez so. He is sure to succeed, and it will help him so to have your influence, he expects to publish a book of the greater eulogies from noted people on this new invention, and he intends to have your name head the list. When you say this perfectly noiseless machine heats your house too warm in the coldest weather, what a help it will be to him, and your name will be first," she repeated agin.
"He'd better have the President and Cabinet come first," sez I dryly, dry as a chip in dog days.
"No, he spoke about that, but thought he would have them come next to yours, and I approved of it," sez she affectionately, "and so did his ma.
"He will git out the book as soon as he comes home from the St. Louis
Exposition with all the big eulogies he gits there on his inventions."
I groaned to myself and got up quick and went into the buttery and took a drink of cold water, I felt so kinder sickish. Well at modest intervals she would politely and gently tackle me about it, at the table and while she wuz washin' dishes, but I held firm, though very considerate and tender to her. I mogulated my axent low and gentle and looked mild at her over my specs, as I washed and she wiped, but my words wuz ever the same.
"I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome."
At last Josiah's temper riz up and he vowed he wouldn't dally any longer, sez he, "I earned this money by the sweat of my brow and I'm goin' to use it as I'm a minter, and I'm a minter have these water pipes put in by Jabez Wind." (He got the money by sellin' a colt, Id'no as there wuz any great sweat about it).
But he wuz bound to have it done, and he did. And for reasons named I dassent cross him too fur and put my foot right down on the plan. And the children sez, "Better anything, mother, than his celebration. If he don't tear the house down over your head let him go on." (Let him! I guess I had to let him.)
Jabez come on with all his riggin'. He'd borrowed