Terri was right about one thing. Amanda didn’t want to buy another house. She wanted to live here. With Nathan. But she couldn’t do that without love.
Nerves skittered through her already uneasy stomach and Amanda swallowed hard to settle everything down. She’d been here in this house with Nathan for nearly a week and it was becoming too comfortable. Being here with him, having breakfast and dinner together, waking up in his arms—it all felt just right. As it was supposed to have been seven years ago.
But no promises had been made. No talk of a future. No mention of love.
Amanda’s heart twisted a little as she reminded herself of that. She couldn’t let herself slide into a relationship with Nathan that had no chance of succeeding. And the longer she stayed here with him, the harder it was going to be to leave.
Especially now.
She stopped at a window overlooking the front yard of the main ranch house. Jake and Terri’s kids were clambering over the jungle gym Nathan and Jake had built for them. Their shouts and laughter pealed through the morning air and Amanda smiled wistfully as she listened to them.
If things had been different, her child would have been out there with them. Her child.
Taking a breath, she turned around and headed for the stairs. She carried her tea up to the master bedroom, sliding her hand along the polished oak banister as she went. Nathan was in town at the sheriff’s office. He’d be there for hours.
So, she told herself, there was no better time for her to find out the answer to a question that had been nagging at her for a week.
Pam looked horrible.
It was the first thing Nathan noticed when she opened the front door of her house to him. And that gave Nathan the answer he was looking for. In between his regular town duties and the unofficial search for Alex, Nathan had been working on the vandalism at the diner.
He’d spent hours thinking about this, looking for witnesses, anything to help him figure out who was behind Amanda’s troubles. And the one name that kept coming back to him was Pam.
No one else in town had any real issues with Amanda. But her sister hadn’t exactly made a secret of the fact that she resented Amanda’s presence even though her return to Royal had been at Pam’s request. So he was playing a hunch. Trusting his instincts. He’d come to Pam’s house to talk to her about this, maybe get her to confess. Now, looking into her eyes, he knew he was right about it all.
“Nathan.”
“We need to talk.” Nathan walked past her into the darkened house. Drapes were drawn, shutting out the sunlight, as if she were in hiding.
He marched through the small, familiar house and stopped in the living room. Then he snatched off his hat and turned to face the woman following him.
Abruptly, tears filled her eyes and spilled over to run unchecked down her cheeks. “Nathan—”
“You’re sitting here in the dark,” he pointed out. “Looking mighty miserable and I think there’s a reason for that. See, I came here on a hunch,” he said, his voice clipped and hard. “The only person in town who has a problem with Amanda is you, Pam. No one else would have had access to the diner without breaking a window or something to get in.” That fact had bothered him from the jump. The lock on the door hadn’t been jimmied, so either he was looking for a skillful vandal with terrific lock-picking talents, or…“But you had a key. You went there in the middle of the night, let yourself in and tore that kitchen apart, didn’t you?”
“I swear I didn’t go there intending to wreck the place,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around herself as if searching for comfort. “I went to get a bottle of wine from the fridge. Then I was there, alone and started thinking about you. And Amanda. And the more I thought, the angrier I got and before I knew it …”
His stance didn’t soften, his voice didn’t warm when he said, “Why? Why would you do that to your sister? To your own damn business?”
She unfolded her arms and wiped tears away with both hands before taking a long breath and saying, “I’ve been so angry for so long.”
“Angry about what?” he demanded, his gaze locked on her as if seeing her clearly for the first time. She looked miserable, eyes gleaming with tears, her teeth biting into her lower lip and her shoulders hunched as if she were somehow trying to disappear inside herself.
“You,” she admitted finally, staring up at him.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She laughed harshly. “God, I’m an idiot. Look at you. You have no idea.”
“Pam,” Nathan growled, “my patience is stretched as thin as it can get. I’ve had a bad week and I’m not much in the mood for guessing games with you, so whatever’s stuck in your craw, spit it out.”
“Fine. Why not finish the humiliation?” She threw her hands high and let them slap down against her sides. Shaking her head, she blurted, “I was always crazy about you, Nathan, but you never looked at me. Never saw me.”
“Pam—” Nathan said her name and watched her flinch.
She shook her head and held up one hand to keep him quiet. “Please don’t say anything. Bad enough I have to say this. Bad enough that I wasted years pining after you when I never had a chance.” She huffed out a strangled breath. “It was always Amanda for you, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it was.” He didn’t feel sorry for her. She’d caused a lot of trouble. He did feel badly that he’d never noticed that her fondness for him had become an obsession. That much was his fault. If he’d been paying attention, he could have spared everyone a lot of misery. As it was, he played another hunch. “What about the rumors attacking Amanda? The ones seven years ago and now? Was that you, too?”
She inhaled sharply and winced as if she were in pain. “Yeah. That was me.” She turned away from him as if she couldn’t bear to face him. “God, this is like a nightmare. Even I can’t believe what I’ve done.”
“Pam—” He broke off and shook his head. Hard to believe this one woman had caused so much damage. All of it stemming from jealousy. “You spread those lies about Amanda, suggesting she got rid of our baby. And you thought that would make me care for you?”
Her voice dropped to a whisper but in the stillness Nathan heard every word. “I never thought you’d find out.”
“And the diner kitchen? What was that about?”
“God. I was in the diner alone.” Her strained whisper sounded as if she were having to push every word through her throat. “Amanda was spending the night at the ranch. With you. I swear I didn’t consciously mean to do all of that. But I picked up an iron skillet and just started beating the grill. I was so angry, so—it doesn’t matter,” she said brokenly. “It was like I lost my mind for a few minutes. I was so furious with her, for coming home.” She looked around at him. “For taking you from me. I just lost it.”
He wasn’t moved by her confession. If anything, his jaw clenched tighter and his eyes narrowed more. All Nathan could think was that because of Pam, he and Amanda had lost seven years together. “She couldn’t take me from you because I was never with you.”
She dropped into a chair, wrapped her arms around her middle and rocked. “I know. And I’m sorry. I really am. For everything. I wasted so much time. But, Nathan—”
“No, there’s no excuse for any of this, Pam,” he told her flatly. “And if Amanda wants to press charges against you, I’ll throw you into a cell so fast, the world will be a blur.”
Her