“I didn’t trick him into bed, Pam.”
“You didn’t have to.” Pam blinked frantically to clear away the fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. “All you have to do is be there and he can’t see anything else.”
Amanda steeled herself against feeling sympathy for her sister. Of course she was sorry to see Pam in pain, but not sorry enough to back away from Nathan so her sister could try to get him. Again. “I still don’t see how that’s my fault or your business.”
“Of course you don’t,” Pam said with an exasperated huff. “It’s my business because I care about Nathan. When he came home, I was the one who helped him settle in. He was unhappy for a long time. And, Amanda—” she paused and took a breath “—I just don’t want to see him like that again.”
That much, Amanda could understand. She didn’t want that, either. Because it would mean that whatever was between them had shattered again. Just the thought of that had a cold ball of ice settling in the pit of her stomach. Oh, God, she was never going to get over Nathan. How could she, when she was still in love with him?
Staggered by the sudden acknowledgment of what she was really feeling and worried about what it meant to her present—let alone her future—Amanda plopped down into her desk chair. Love? She hadn’t counted on that at all. She’d hoped to make her peace with her memories—not build new ones.
She was in deep trouble. Nausea rolled through her stomach in a thick wave that had her swallowing spasmodically.
“Hey …” Pam’s tone changed from banked anger to concern. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Amanda told her, and cupped her face in her hands. Oh, God, she was still in love with Nathan. A man she wasn’t sure she could trust. She didn’t even know how he felt about her! Seven years ago, Nathan had never told her that he loved her. Had left her the moment the reason for marrying her was gone.
Okay, yes, she was the one who had called off the marriage. But he hadn’t fought her. He’d simply walked away. As if losing her and their baby meant nothing to him.
Today, there was still no mention of the L-word and that hadn’t stopped her from once more falling for the only man she would ever love. She’d just tossed her heart into the air not knowing if it was going to crash and burn or find a safe home. “I really don’t think I’m okay at all.”
“This isn’t just a cheap ploy to end the argument, is it?”
On a sardonic laugh, Amanda looked up and met her sister’s eyes. “Trust me when I say, I really wish this was a ploy.”
Summer was rolling along like a runaway freight train. Temperatures were high, tempers were even hotter and Nathan spent most of his time stepping in between arguing parties. Nothing unusual about any of it but for the fact that his head just wasn’t in the game.
Hadn’t been since that night with Amanda by the river.
Scowling, Nathan was alone in his office, thinking about that morning with Amanda. Waking up in her bed, her body wrapped around his, had eased a sore spot inside him he hadn’t even realized was there. Making slow, languid love to her had carried that feeling further, until he was so caught up in her, he’d had to force himself to crawl out of that bed and go to work.
“So much for the plan,” he muttered, taking a sip of his coffee.
He guessed it was safe to say his plan was shot. Not only had he not gotten her out of his system, but she was also all he could think about anymore.
It had all seemed so simple. Get Amanda back into his bed and finally get over her. Let go of the past and move the hell on. Instead, she was deeper into his gut than she had been before. Not quite sure how that had happened, Nathan was even less sure about how to reverse the damage already done. Especially when all he wanted to do was make love to her again.
Hell, he was walking around town with a body so hard and tight, it was all he could do to keep from groaning in public. He needed…hell. He just needed.
Worse, he didn’t want to need Amanda. He wanted to be free of her. Didn’t he? Nathan scrubbed one hand across his face and tried to wipe away all of the thoughts clashing together in his mind.
To distract himself, he stared around the inside of his office, letting his gaze sweep across the familiar symbols of the life he’d built for himself in Royal. But none of it brought him the pleasure he usually found in just being there. Until Amanda came back to town, he’d been content. Now, contentment just wasn’t enough. He wanted more. Wanted her.
The problem was…how to get her.
Oh, sex was great, but that was easy. What he wanted would be more difficult. Hell, he could admit, at least to himself, that he wanted it all. Not just Amanda, but the life they could make together. House. Family. A damn white picket fence.
But he knew the past still loomed between them, a big ugly wall they’d both ignored rather than dealt with.
He leaned back in his chair, kicked his feet to the corner of his desk and crossed them at the ankle. Staring up at the ceiling, he told himself that maybe the past should stay right where it was. Maybe they didn’t have to dissect it. Maybe all they had to do was learn from it and let it go.
Trust would be an issue between them for a while, of course, but he could show Amanda that he had her back now. Over time, she’d eventually come to believe it.
Nodding to himself, he could see the future play out in his mind. He and Amanda, living in his house on the ranch. Having kids that would play with Jake and Terri’s bunch. Long nights and lazy mornings in his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was what they should have had years ago.
And what they would have now.
When the door opened, Nathan looked over at the doorway, a scowl on his face.
“Nice welcome,” Chance said.
“Sorry. I was doing some thinking.” Nathan’s feet dropped to the floor, then he stood up and held out a hand to his friend. “What’s going on?”
Chance’s blond hair looked as though he’d been stabbing nervous fingers through it for hours. His green eyes were troubled and he didn’t meet Nathan’s gaze directly. Not a good sign.
“Everything okay, Chance?”
“Not really,” his friend muttered and rubbed one hand across the back of his neck.
He was backlit by the bright afternoon sunlight and when he turned to close the door, Nathan noticed he locked it, too.
“Okay, what’s this about?”
“Nathan, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you should know about what people are saying.”
Instantly, Nathan’s back went up and he shook his head. Seven years ago, Chance had been the one to tell Nathan about the rumors spreading. The rumor that Amanda had deliberately ended her pregnancy. Back then, Nathan had been young enough to listen and stupid enough not to question.
Today was different.
“Don’t want to hear it,” he said and turned his back on Chance to walk to a file cabinet on the far wall.
“Don’t you think I know that?” Chance’s voice was reluctant but firm. Clearly, he wouldn’t be leaving until he’d had his say.
Nathan spun around and said, “I don’t give a good damn what people are saying, Chance.”
The moment the words left his mouth,