I agreed with him that his remark was very judicious, but that really I had no confidential acquaintance in the line; and that it was not to be expected I could, going out to India a bare lad, with scarcely shoon upon my cloots, be in a condition to set myself forward.
‘Oh,’ says he, ‘nothing is more easy; ye have just to give an inkling that if a convenient borough was to be had, ye would not mind about going into Parliament. Speeches of that sort are very efficacious; and it’s not to be told how it will circulate that you would give a handsome price for an easy seat in the House of Commons. Keep your thumb on the price, and just let out that you have no relish for the clanjamfrey of a popular election, but would rather deal with an old sneck-drawer in the trade than plague yourself with canvassing: depend upon it ye’ll soon hear of some needful lord that will find you out, and a way of treating with you.’
There was certainly sterling admonition in this; and I said to him, over our wine, for we were then sitting together after dinner, in Ibbotson’s Hotel, ‘that I was not particular in wishing to conceal my hankering for a seat in Parliament.’
‘Do you really say so?’ said he.
I then assured him that I was not vehemently against it; and so, from less to more, he inquired of what party I would be; and I told him with the government party, to be sure.
‘I’ll no just say,’ quo’ he, ‘that you are far wrong in your determination, because the Tories have the ball at their foot, and are likely to rule the roast for some years.’
‘I daresay they are,’ said I; ‘but between Whigs and Tories I can make no distinction, – a Tory is but a Whig in office, and a Whig but a Tory in opposition, which makes it not difficult for a conscientious man to support the government.’
‘Really, Mr. Jobbry,’ said Mr. Curry, ‘ye were always thought a farsighted man, that could see as well through a nether millstone as another man through a stone wall; and, without complimenting you, I must say that you entertain very creditable notions of government, not to be yet a member. But, Mr. Jobbry, we are talking in confidence, and what we say to one another is not to be repeated.’
I assured Mr. Curry, with the greatest sincerity, that what he told me anent the diplomaticals should never go farther; then, said Mr. Curry, in a sedate, sober manner,
‘I know a solicitor that has a borough that wants a member, the politics of which are of a delicate tint, you understand; now, I could wise him to you, and you might consult him, – or rather, would it not be better that ye would appoint some friend to confabble with the man?’
‘Would not you do that for me?’ said I.
‘No, no,’ said he, ‘I’m a member myself, and that would not be playing the game according to Hoyle.’
‘Very well,’ said I; ‘but as I have a great inclination on all occasions to be my own executioner, ye might pass me off with the man as the friend of a gentleman that’s wishing to get into Parliament.’
‘That’s a capital device,’ said he; ‘and if you draw well together, the cost of an agent and the hazard of a witness may be saved.’
So, thereupon, it was agreed between us that he should speak on the subject to Mr. Probe the solicitor, and that I should enact towards that gentleman the representative of my friend, that was to be nameless until the bargain was concluded.
CHAPTER THREE
Next morning I had occasion to be forth at an early hour, to see some of my old friends at the Jerusalem, concerning a ballot that was that day to take place at the India House; and thus it came to pass, that before I got back to the hotel, a gentleman had called upon me, and not finding me at home, left his card, which was that of Mr. Probe the solicitor. I at first did not recollect the name, for it had been only once mentioned; but the waiter told me he would call again in the evening, having some particular private business to transact.
This intimation put me upon my guard, and then recollecting his name, I guessed the errand he had come upon, and told the waiter to prepare for us a private parlour; but in the meantime I would take my dinner in the public coffee-room.
The waiter, being an expert young man, ordered all things in a very perfect manner; and I had just finished my dinner when in came Mr. Probe; a smaller sort of man, with a costive and crimson countenance, sharp eyes, and cheeks smooth and well-stuffed: but one thing I remarked about him which I did not greatly admire, and yet could not say wherefore, namely, he had a black fore-tooth, as if addicted to the tobacco-pipe; and, moreover, although it could not be said that he was a corpulent man, he certainly was in a degree one of the fatties; but he was very polite and introductory, told me his name, how Mr. Curry had requested him to call, and was, in every respect, as couthy and pleasant as an evil spirit.
I desired the waiter to shew us up into the private room that was ordered, and bade him bring a bottle of Carbonnel’s claret – all which he soon did; and when Mr. Probe and I were comfortably seated, he opened the business.
‘Mr. Jobbry,’ said he, ‘our mutual friend, and my client, has told me that you might have some business in my way.’
‘My client!’ quo’ I to myself, – ‘mum,’ and then I continued – ‘He is an old friend of mine, and I was telling him that the time hung heavy upon my hands in the country——Oh! but that is not what I wished to speak to you about. I have a particular friend lately come from India, who is in the same condition: it’s far from my fortune, Mr. Probe, to think of going into Parliament; but my friend, who has a turn for public speaking, requested me, as I was coming to London, to see if a seat could be obtained on reasonable terms; and speaking on this subject to our mutual friend, Mr. Curry (I took care to say nothing of his client), he told me that you had a seat to dispose of, and that he would send you to me.’
‘Very correct,’ replied Mr. Probe; ‘but he made a little mistake – I have not a seat to dispose of; but a particular friend told me that he knew of one; and now I recollect of having once mentioned the subject to Mr. Curry.’
‘It’s very right to be guarded Mr. Probe,’ said I, ‘especially since the sales of seats in Parliament are as plain as the sun at noon-day, and would make the bones of our ancestors rattle in their coffins to hear of it: but although a seat may be come at by good handling, what would you, just in common parlance, think a fair——
‘Oh, Mr. Jobbry, we need not condescend on particulars; but my friend has certainly a capital sporting manor, and will either let it on lease for the remainder of his term, or for an annual rent.’
I patted the side of my nose with my forefinger, and said, in the jocular words of Burns,
‘But Tam kent what was what fu’ brauly;’
and added, ‘Very well, Mr. Probe, that’s a very judicious alternative; but what’s——I’ll not say what. Would it be expected that my friend would have to sit on the right or left hand of a man in a wig; or, in other words, to come to the point, would he have to be a sheep or a goat, for at present he’s an innocent lambkin, and unless there be a reason for it, he would naturally be a sheep. I’ll no say that he’ll ever be a battering-ram; but you understand, Mr. Probe?’
‘Your candour,’ was the reply, ‘is exceedingly satisfactory; but have you any notion of what your friend would give for the manor?’
‘I doubt,’ said I, ‘if he will come up to what our friend Curry said was the price.’
‘What did he say?’ inquired Mr. Probe.
‘Really I can’t tell, – I don’t recollect exactly, whether it was three or four thousand pounds.’
‘Not possible,’ exclaimed the solicitor, falling back in his chair with astonishment.
‘Oh,’ replied I, ‘it is very probable that I am in the wrong, now when I recollect that Parliament has only two sessions to run: you are very right, he could never have said so much as three or