Once more, dear Mr. Holmes, accept the sincere tribute of esteem and regard from your old friend and pupil, and humble servant at command,
ARCHIBALD JOBBRY
P.S. Herewith you will receive 4 brace moorfowl, 2 ditto B. cocks, item 3 hares, one side of a roe, and one gallon whisky (véritable antique); which liberty please pardon.
Jan. 2. – I am credibly informed that the weavers of Guttershiels, over their cups on hogmanae and yesterday, were openly discussing the division of landed properties in this district! What have not these demented ministers to answer for?
CHAPTER ONE
When a man comes home from India with a decent competency, he is obliged to endure many afflictions, not the least of which are nestsful of cousins’ children, in every corner of the kingdom, all gaping like voracious larks for a pick. This it behoves him to consider; for his bit gathering would be short in the outcoming, were he to help them from that fund: he is therefore under the necessity of reflecting how a modicum of his means can be laid out to the best advantage, not only for the benefit of his relations, but to spare a residue to himself, and to procure for him a suitable station in the world – the end of all creditable industry.
For a time, after I set my foot on my native land, I was troubled in mind with these considerations; for when I left Bengal, it was with an intent to buy a moderate estate, and to live at my ease, having every thing comfortable about me.
Of course, I had no insurmountable difficulty in meeting with a commodious purchase, though maybe I paid the price; for I had to bid against both a paper-money banker and a purse-proud fozy cotton manufacturer. I did not, however, grudge it; for I had the wherewithal, and I had seen enough of the world, in the intelligent circles of Calcutta, to convince me that rural felicity had, like many other things, risen in value.
But no sooner was I enfeoft in my property, than my kith and kin began to bestir themselves, and to plague me for my patronage; pleading, in a very wearisome manner, that blood was thicker than water. Partly to get quit of their importunities, and to get also the means to help them, I began to take shares in divers public concerns, and to busy myself in the management thereof, slipping in a young friend now and then as a clerk. I will not, however, say, that in this I was altogether actuated by affection; for public spirit had quite as much to say with me as a regard for my kindred: indeed, it is a thing expected of every man, when he retires from business, that he will do his endeavour to serve his country, and make himself a name in the community.
These doings, however, I soon saw were not enough to satisfy the demands upon me; finding, therefore, as I read the newspapers, that I had made myself very passably acquainted, while in India, with the politics of Europe, and especially with the arcana of government and the principles of legislation in England, I began to clok on the idea of getting myself made a Member of Parliament. At first I cannot say that I was strongly thereunto inclined – it was only a hankering; but the more I reflected anent the same, I grew the more courageous, especially when I read the speeches of those that had but speech-making to recommend them. To be sure, there were in my neighbourhood several old lairds, that counted their descent from Adam’s elder brother, who, when they heard that I was minded to go into Parliament, snorted east and west, and thought it a most upsetting audacity. But I had not been risking my health for five-and-twenty years in the climate of Bengal to pleasure them; so when I heard how they looked, and what they said concerning me, I became the more obstinate in my intention. But it was not so easily accomplished as thought; for as we in Scotland are not so clever in the way of getting into Parliament, without family connexions, as they are in England, I considered with myself that it would be expedient to take a run up to London when Parliament was sitting, and have some conversation there with a few of my old Indian cronies who were already members.
I could not, however, just go off at once, without giving some reason; for it was then only a five-year old Parliament, and it would not have been prudent to have been thought guilty of looking so long before me as two years, unless there was some prospect of a change in the administration. But it happened that, from the first time I looked at my estate, I saw that the mansion-house stood in need of divers repairs; and accordingly I, in a quiet way, set about getting plans and estimates of the alterations. When I had procured and considered of the same, I instructed a carpenter thereon; and I took the opportunity, when the house was in the cholera morbus of reparation, to set out for London, giving it out that I had old Indian affairs to wind up, and heavy accounts to settle.
It may be thought that I was a little overly artificial in this matter; but I had learned in my experience that no business of this world is without its craft, more especially undertakings of a political nature.
Thus it came to pass that I arrived in the dead of winter in London, and was not long of making my arrival known among my acquaintance, and particularly those who had gotten themselves seats. I likewise peutered, in a far-off manner, among the Indian directors, and those that make speeches at their public meetings when the fault-finders give them trouble; still keeping my eye on the main chance.
CHAPTER TWO
The first of my old acquaintance whom I fell in with was Mr. Curry. He had been home from India three years before me, and was in all things a most orderly man. We were right glad, as you may well think, to see one another; and yet there was between us a cool distinction. His business in Calcutta was not just of such a genteel order as mine, but it was a shade more profitable; and hence, though he was a year behind me in the outgoing, he was full three years before me in the home-coming, which shews the difference that was between our respective ways of business; for, in comparing one thing with another, I found that our fortunes were counted just about equal, – which is a proof of the correctness of what I say.
He had heard of my coming home, and likewise how I had made myself a public, patriotic character, which he never thought could happen; and, from less to more, I said to him that I was glad of an employment, for the time hung heavy upon my hands, and ‘that if I did not take a share in projects for the good of the nation, I would be indeed a waif hand.’
He remarked to me, that what I said was very true, and consistent with his own experience; ‘But I would advise you,’ said he, ‘to do as I have done; get yourself elected into Parliament – it will not cost you a deadly sum; and then you’ll have full occupation.’
‘Mr. Curry,’ quo’ I, ‘it’s not every one, like you, that has a talent; for although I would not grudge to pay for the admission-ticket, between ourselves, I really don’t know how to set about applying for one; for you know that in our county in Scotland, the pedigree-family “bear the bell” in all electioneerings; for my Lord Entail, their cousin, has made as many freeholders on the list as the valuation of his estate allows, and three of the district-boroughs are under his thumb; so by that means they have all the rule and power of the shire. But, Mr. Curry, if you could tell me of a sober, canny way of creeping into the House of Commons unobserved, I’ll no say that just for a diversion I would not like to sit there for a session or two; by that time I would have made myself joke-fellow like with some of the big-wigs, the which would help to make this country not so disagreeable after the sprees and merry-go-rounds of “auld lang syne” in India.’
‘I discern,’ said Mr. Curry, ‘that ye’re in the same state of sin and misery that I suffered myself when I came home; and therefore I say unto you, speaking from the knowledge of my own insight, get into Parliament: at the very utmost, Mr. Jobbry,’ said he, ‘a few thousand pounds at