Adapted from Pain Recovery: How to Find Balance and Reduce Suffering from Chronic Pain
Emotional balance is achieved when I allow myself to feel whatever comes up, and learn to accept my feelings without judging them. Because my feelings are a part of me, accepting them as they are is an important part of accepting myself as I am. This is also known as self-acceptance. Whatever positive change I want to make in my life, acceptance of how and where I am at in the present moment is one of the keys to moving forward. Accepting my feelings also takes less energy than trying to avoid or suppress them, and helps me maintain balance by eliminating the need for them to persist. Genuine acceptance of my feelings gives me the opportunity to shift my energy to thoughts and actions that facilitate the learning, growing, and healing that can fuel the continuing progress of my pain recovery.
I have learned to practice strategies to identify and express emotions in ways that promote balance; deal with distressing, uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways; and strengthen positive feelings to promote growing, healing, and recovery.
LOVING KINDNESS
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“The highest wisdom is loving kindness.”
The Talmud
I once used the word “concern” to describe how I felt about my pain and my body’s well-being. However, a dictionary defines concern as “anxiety, worry, apprehension, fear, alarm, distress, or unease.” So concern is really another level of fear, and today, I don’t want to live in fear, of my pain or anything else. So I am not concerned about my body today; I show it loving kindness instead.
When I begin to be concerned for my pain level, I reach into my tools of pain recovery and I remember to feel gratitude for having a higher power in my life. I reach out to help others, thus enlarging my spiritual life and connectedness, especially when the physical, mental, and emotional pain is more than I believe I can handle.
When my pain seems overwhelming, I don’t become concerned. Instead, I act out of loving kindness for myself and focus outward, on what I can do for others; knowing that I can manage my pain, I can live with the feeling, and if I get through today, tomorrow can and will be better.
COMMITMENT
RELATIONSHIPS
“This is the mark of a really admirable man: steadfastness in the face of trouble.”
Ludwig van Beethoven
Commitment means many things to many people. Commitments can be big, such as getting married or joining the military. Commitment can also mean agreeing to make coffee at a meeting or to serve as a greeter at the door. Commitment, whether big or small, is very important—it’s an opportunity for me to be of service to others.
Commitment allows me to get up, suit up, and show up. These necessary steps allow me to stay in contact with my support network and to continue with my pain recovery.
I view commitment as a positive step toward pain recovery. I make commitments consistent with my availability and ability, but I do make commitments. Commitment means being there for others, because they were there for me. Paying forward to pay back is my new commitment.
I volunteer for a service commitment when I see the need. The commitment can be simple and for a short duration, but I make a commitment to a twelve-step group or meeting.
SANITY
MENTAL BALANCE
“Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace of the city, the security of the state. Like beams in a house or bones to a body, so is order to all things.”
Robert Southey
Sanity today means dealing with pain without using addictive drugs; I deal sanely, that is to say, in an orderly way, with my pain.
Before I entered recovery, I lived in the disorder and insanity of using addictive pain medication. Drug addiction was both a result of and a way to cope with my chronic pain. The drugs worked for a short time, or so I thought, as I spiraled into disorder and out of control. Then came the insanity—I thought more drugs were the answer. Now I understand that the drugs only compounded my problem. Through the help of my support group and an understanding counselor, therapist, sponsor, and program friends, I continue my journey into recovery. The Twelve Steps, recovery-oriented literature, and others who share in my life are sources of sanity. As long as I continue to make progress by focusing on my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual balance, and on keeping my life balanced and in order, my concept and understanding of sanity become clearer.
I work my program, focusing on balance, so I can continue to learn and grow. Mental balance restores me to sanity—when and if I follow my healthy routines and listen to the advice of others in recovery who guide me.
FLEXIBILITY
MENTAL BALANCE
“We challenge you to give up what is not helping you with your pain.”
A Day without Pain
When I’m in pain it’s usually a result of holding onto something long after the “expiration date.” I’m learning that being flexible enough to risk letting go—of fears, resentments, and expectations— is necessary if I’m to shift from pain to freedom.
I practice flexibility in a variety of ways, like doing something I wouldn’t normally do—maybe I drive home a different way one day, or listen to a different radio station in the car. I listen to someone like my sponsor, therapist, counselor, or others in my pain recovery program, and allow their suggestions into my life. I step gently outside my comfort zone, to the very edge of my capability (but never over it into increased pain). Flexibility is an exercise of my mind. I practice going with the flow and accepting what’s coming or going in my life, rather than holding on and trying to control things in order to get what I want. Through practicing flexibility, I’m opening up to and living in the possibility that my emotional pain does not last forever and my chronic pain does not rule my life.
I’m flexible with my plans and ideas about my life and what is good for me. When an idea’s time has passed, I’m flexible enough to let go and move on. Where I would normally say “no,” today I may practice saying “yes,” and where I may normally say “yes,” I may say “no.” I’ll do something that someone with experience in pain recovery suggests, regardless of my personal, comfort-based objections.
CULTIVATING POSITIVE STATES OF MIND
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.”
William James
I work on creating positive states of mind today in order to improve my attitude. One way I do this is by remembering to be grateful for my life