“You, Reverend, do not understand this marriage,” said Grandpa Liu, “but the fact is that my daughter is not willing to marry.”
Lu Da laughingly replied, “Sir, you are a silly fellow. If she does not agree why have you invited the man to marry her?”
“I have only one daughter, and she is nineteen years old,” Grandpa Liu remarked. “Near here, there is a mountain called Mount Taohua. Recently two bandit chiefs have erected a stronghold there, and have collected about seven hundred men, and they rob the cottages near here. The officers in charge of the troops at Qingzhou have tried to arrest them without success. The bandits then came here, and demanded money. When one of the chiefs saw my daughter, he presented her twenty taels of gold, and a roll of red embroidered silk as a token of his desire for an engagement. He has selected this night to come and marry the girl. I cannot dispute the matter with him but I must agree to his demand. And that is why I am annoyed.”
Lu Da upon hearing this said, “So that is the case. But if I have the means of causing him to change his mind about taking away your daughter, how will that do?”
“He is king of demons, and kills men without moving an eyelash, so how can you get him to change his mind?”
“I studied under the Abbot at Mount Wutai and therefore I can speak reasonably. Even if he were a man of iron or stone I could alter his decision. Tell your daughter to hide in some other place this evening, and I will stay in her room.”
“That will be fine but do not pull the tiger’s whiskers,” said Grandpa Liu.
“Is not that my business?” asked Lu Da. “Leave it to me and I’ll do the correct thing.”
“Certainly it will be all right,” said Grandpa Liu, “we are very lucky in meeting such a living Buddha as you.”
He then asked Lu Da if he would like something more to eat but the latter replied, “only wine.” Grandpa Liu ordered the servants to bring a big bowl of wine as well as a cooked goose, both of which were eaten by the monk, who told the servants to place his bundle in the room. Then putting his sword in his belt and picking up his monk’s staff, he asked if the girl was in hiding. Grandpa Liu had sent his daughter to a neighbor’s house, and led Lu Da to the bride’s apartment. The servants withdrew to prepare the banquet. Lu Da placed the tables and chairs that were in the room to one side; put his sword at the head, and his staff at the side of the bed; let down the bed curtains covered with gilt letters, took off his clothes and lay down.
Grandpa Liu saw that it was getting dark so he told the servants to light the lanterns which were outside. He had a table placed on the threshing floor on which were flowers, incense sticks, and lanterns. He also instructed them to get a dish of meat ready, and heat a large kettle of wine. About ten o’clock they heard the sound of gongs and drums being beaten on the hill. Grandpa Liu thought of a vile scheme, and the servants were almost in a state of panic. They all went outside the gate of the farm but upon seeing in the distance a great illumination from five hundred torches, they fled into the farmhouse. Grandpa Liu had the gate opened and proceeded to welcome the guests. He saw two bodies of men, one in front of the other. They were armed with all kinds of military weapons, glittering in the light, and were decorated with red and green silk. The bandits had stuck wild flowers in their caps, and carried four or five red gauze lanterns, which lit the road for their leader who was riding a horse. On his head he had a flat topped cap of red color, and near his temple was a large imitation flower made of silk, he wore a long green gown with tiger design embroidered in gold, round his waist a red sash fastened with a golden buckle, standing away from this a few inches a stiff girdle was suspended; leather boots with designs of clouds on them. He was riding a big white horse and dismounted at the gate of the farmhouse. The bandits offered congratulations by singing:
“Tonight his cap is very bright
For he is a bridegroom;
Clothed with handsome dress is he
And all his cheek’s abloom.”
Grandpa Liu poured out a cupful of wine and kneeling on the ground, offered it to the bandit leader, who, however, raised him, saying; “You are my father-in-law so why do you kneel before me?”
“As you are the chief of this district, and my family is under your control, you should not object like this,” replied Grandpa Liu.
The bandit chief was almost drunk and laughingly replied. “As I am to be your son-in-law I will treat you fairly; as your daughter is to be my wife things will soon be all right.” Upon reaching the threshing floor, the bandit chief saw the preparations, and asked, “Father-in-law, why do you receive me in this way?” He drank three cups of wine at that spot. He told his men to tie up his horse to a poplar, and went toward the guest room. His men began to play on the musical instruments and beat the drums. Upon entering the guest room the bandit chief sat down, asking for his wife. Grandpa Liu replied, “My daughter is so timid that she dare not come here.” The robber chief laughed, and taking a cup of wine said, “I should like my wife to come here and drink some wine with me.”
Grandpa Liu thought this a suitable opportunity for the monk to act as mediator, so he requested the guest to come with him. He took a candle, and going to the bridal chamber pointed, saying, “This is the room. Please enter.” Grandpa Liu took the candle and departed, as he did not expect trouble. The bandit chief pushed the door open, and saw that the interior was dark. He said, “My wife’s father is really so economical that he has not even a lamp lighted in the room, and let my wife to sit in the dark. Tomorrow I will tell one of my men to bring a bucket of good oil to my mountain stronghold, so that my wife can light the lamp there.”
Lu Da lying inside the bed curtains heard all this, but he suppressed his inclination to laugh and made no sound.
The bandit chief felt his way into the dark room, calling out, “Wife, why do you not come to receive me? You need not be so timid because tomorrow you will be the leading woman in my stronghold.” Feeling his way in the darkness, and calling “wife, wife,” he at last touched the embroidered bed curtains, and lifted them. Then reaching with his hand he felt the belly of Lu Da. The latter at once took hold of the bandit chief’s head and pressed him down on the bed. The chief struggled to get up but Lu Da abused him. “You are certainly a bastard” and lifting his fist struck a blow. “Why do you hit your husband?” he asked. Lu Da shouted, “I am teaching you how to recognize your old woman.” He pulled him to the floor at the side of the bed. belabored him with his fist, and kicked him, while the bandit called out, “Save me, save me.” Upon hearing this Grandpa Liu was almost startled out of his wits, and hastily picking up a lamp, led the bandits into the room. There they saw a big fat monk, stark naked, on top of the bandit chief, beating him. The bandits had their spears and cudgels, and Lu Da, upon seeing these, let go the chief and got his monk’s staff from the bed. The men seeing his fierce bearing, all retreated, followed by Lu Da. Seizing the opportunity the bandit leader crawled to the door of the room, and walked into the yard. He soon found his unsaddled horse in the dark, broke off a twig from the tree, and jumped on the horse. He hit the horse with the twig but it did not move. The robber leader said to himself, “What a nuisance! Even the horse despises me!” He then realized that he had omitted to loosen the reins which were still fastened to the tree. He quickly snatched them, and the horse galloped away with him. As he passed through the gate, he cursed Grandpa Liu; saying, “You, old ass, need not hurry. Wherever you fly, I shall catch you.” He lashed the horse which carried him up the mountain. Grandpa Liu caught hold of Lu Da, saying, “Reverend, you have brought trouble to my home.”
“You cannot say that I have done something improper,” replied Lu Da. “Bring me my clothes, and when dressed I will talk with you.” This was done, and Grandpa Liu said, “I hoped you would be reasonable, and get him to change his mind. I did not expect you to assault him; he will now gather a large body of his men and come to kill us.”
“Grandpa, do not get excited, and I will tell you something,” replied Lu Da. “I am a Major, in the army of Grand Secretary Liang at Yanan Prefecture. I became a monk because I killed a man. You need not speak of these bandits,