14. Has your sexual problem interfered with your family?
15. Are you feeling very depressed over this problem?
You’ve just completed an important pretest. If any of the comments that you responded to indicate the presence of a problem or highlight an issue that you would like to learn more about, read on.
HISTORIC ROMANCES:
Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett
More than 500 heartfelt letters were exchanged between poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett. When they first met, Elizabeth was a recluse, having suffered for years with a lung ailment and, later in life, a spinal injury resulting from a horse riding accident. She was also deeply depressed after the tragic drowning death of her brother. But in 1844, Robert sought her out after admiring her poems and brought her back to life. They were determined to be together forever. Elizabeth’s father bitterly opposed the romance, so the couple secretly married in 1846 and ran off to live in Florence, Italy. There, her health improved and she gave birth to a son. Elizabeth died on June 29, 1861. Their love was forever memorialized in verse:
“Sonnets from the Portuguese 43”
“How do I love thee…”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
In this chapter:
IF YOU HAVE DIABETES, it can affect the emotional and physical aspects of your intimate relationship. Let’s first discuss the emotional concerns.
Diabetes is never welcomed with open arms. It frequently stirs up difficult emotions, including fear and guilt. If permitted to thrive, these emotions can create a rift in your relationship and cause you to lose one of the most important supporters in your effort to lead a healthy and meaningful life.
YOU MAY FEEL GUILTY
Many emotions arise when you are diagnosed with diabetes, but guilt should not be one of them. You may feel that your diabetes magically appeared because of something that you did or ate, but that is not true. Each person who develops diabetes has inherited the potential to have it. We know that there is no way to prevent type 1, and type 2 has several environmental triggers—such as weight gain and inactivity—but both types require an inherited potential for the disease to develop.
Risk factors
There are certain risk factors that experts have identified that make a person more susceptible to developing type 2 diabetes:
Think of all of the people you know who are overweight and inactive and don’t have diabetes; not everyone develops it. What you eat, how you behave, and health decisions that you have made over the years are not the sole cause of your disease, so don’t permit overwhelming feelings of guilt to place a wedge between you and the people you love.
Impact of Guilt on Marriage
“Because of my type 2 diabetes, Julie and I can’t be spontaneous anymore. Before we go out for the evening, we must plan everything around my eating schedule. If my blood sugar goes low, we can’t leave until I feel better. If my headache remains after treating my low, we’ll often cancel our plans altogether. How can she enjoy this? I sure don’t. If I had eaten less and exercised more, I wouldn’t have diabetes right now. My family says that I did this to myself and I believe them. If I didn’t have diabetes, Julie and I could enjoy more activities together. Instead, I’ve ruined our lives. She should be with someone else.” —Rick
Your partner may share your feelings of guilt, especially if he or she supported your desire to bring junk food into the house or watch television instead of heading out for a walk or exercise class. These feelings can bring a great deal of tension into the home. To help deal with any guilty feelings that either of you may have, learn as much as you can about diabetes and incorporate new health behaviors in your home. The changes that you make are healthy for the entire family.
The positive side of diabetes
Surprisingly, many people feel thankful that diabetes is now part of their lives. Before their diagnosis, they were sedentary, made poor food choices, their weight was significantly higher than it should have been, and they felt sluggish and unmotivated. Once diabetes came on the scene, they initially felt overwhelming feelings of guilt and so did their partner. But those feelings passed quickly as soon as they began to take control of their diabetes.
Open up about your feelings
The more that you and your partner know about