“Did she do well in her school work, Gilda?” Collin kept probing.
“Oh-h she did average; not really a student you know,” came the reply.
“Was she a nice girl?”
“She was all right - friendly, but didn’t keep herself well in appearance. She wasn’t a pretty girl if that’s what you mean, but she could have looked all right if she bothered to look after herself.”
“One more question, Gilda. Did the teacher put her down too that year?”
At that question Gilda became perturbed. Her voice quivered and strengthened alternately as she responded to Collin’s probing. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at Collin. Are you suggesting that it was somehow my fault because that teacher was discriminating against me?”
Collin shook his head slowly but emphatically, as Leo came ahead of him with a verbal response, while visibly fuming.
“No way was it Gilda’s own fault that she was picked on that year,” he shouted angrily. “That dirty slink of a teacher should never have been allowed to teach young children. She should have been whipped and put to work in Antarctica somewhere where she couldn’t do anyone any harm.”
There was silence for a moment as some of the group struggled between apprehension and smiles at this vigorous but well meaning remark.
Owen finally broke in with soothing words. “I don’t think Collin meant by his questioning to place blame, Gilda. In fact I’m sure he didn’t. You were heading for something else weren’t you Collin?” he asked as he turned from Gilda to Collin.
Collin nodded. Then looking at her in a prying manner, “Gilda, Gilda, don’t you consciously by now, recognize the problem after hearing Leo’s story. You were discriminated against by that teacher, not because she thought your father was rich. That was only her alibi. It was because you, yourself were a fine, well kept, well cultured person.
“People like that teacher cannot allow themselves to admit that a person like you is too good for them to tolerate. They tell themselves that if they were rich they or perhaps their children would be just as good as you. The fact is, whether they were rich or not, they don’t have what it takes to develop it within them as you do. So they turn on you to destroy you, knowing that they can get away with it because so many people hate the rich ones. The fact of envy never comes to the surface. That teacher was envious of you, and used your father’s riches as an alibi motive for treating you badly. The other girl in your class who was from a well-to-do family apparently was not a fine person and had no desire to be so. The teacher didn’t treat her badly. But she continuously put you down, fine all around person that you were.”
Gilda was astounded as this idea dawned on her consciousness after being tucked away in the background of her mind since childhood. “Yes, Collin, yes,” she said, “that’s it. I should have known. I guess I really did, but somehow couldn’t face up to it.”
“Couldn’t face up to it,” questioned Collin, “because of your fear of being labeled conceited about yourself?”
After pausing for the longest time, Gilda replied softly, “Yes, that’s it, that’s it again, Collin. It’s a fear all right - a fear that can lurk there and affect your whole life. I’ll have to think about that some more - a whole lot more as time goes by.”
Collin said sympathetically, “It is a warranted fear, Gilda. It is another ploy-a mind-game used by our adversaries. In their self-centeredness, and sometimes with projection involved they like to make us and others believe that if we become anything or do anything they cannot, then we are thinking too much of ourselves, conceited and over ambitious. In their warped minds this justifies their putting us down.
“Another ploy closely related to this is that some of them make believe - yes, they just pretend - that they think we think too much of ourselves, and that they are treating us as they do, abusively that is, in order to knock the conceitedness and haughtiness out of us. Of course they know the difference full well. Collin then added emphatically, “Please take note of that, friends, because it is one of the deadliest and frequently used mind-games that our adversaries resort to. Try openly to defend yourself against it and they will point the finger at you and say in effect, ‘see what I mean. He thinks we are picking on him because he is smart, or good looking, or a better person than the rest of us.’ In their warped minds this justifies to themselves, and they hope to others, their putting you down in every way possible that they can get away with, because you think too much of yourself and therefore deserve what they are doing to you.”
Gilda pulled herself together, even smiled. “That bit of knowledge will help me in future for sure.”
Dr. Eldren tipped his head towards Collin, “I think you have something there all right, Collin.”
“Sorry I blew my stack,” said Leo remorsefully. “This incident is a big help to me as well as to Gilda.”
Dr. Eldred turned to Leo. “You really feel strongly about these matters don’t you Leo. It’s upsetting to you in a very measurable manner.”
“Well, yes sir, it is very upsetting, but you’ll have to excuse my flipping my lid. It’s a part of me at times.”
“No harm done,” replied the doctor, “you’re entitled to let out your feelings.” Then turning his attention to Gilda, he asked, “Gilda, did you have any similar troubles through the remainder of your school days, or was this just an isolated incident?”
She continued with her story, “It wasn’t an isolated incident, but I did have a good year the following year in grade six. Although I began grade six with lots of apprehension and not much ambition, I was blessed with a friendly, unbiased teacher who really thought well of me and whom I eventually began to trust. Over a period of two or three months I became an interested and hard working student again, doing well but intentionally using restraint so as not to come first in my class for fear of being turned on again. The main rival of my grade five class was in another grade six room now, so that was a great help, but I really worked at it, or didn’t work at it would be more accurate I suppose, to intentionally stay behind another girl who had not been in my grade five room. I purposely let her hold first place. However, it was a great healing year for me, but it wasn’t the end of my troubles, for beyond grade six came grade seven.”
Gilda paused in reflection again.
“More troubles there?” Dr. Eldren queried, gently and sympathetically.
“Yes,” in grade seven we had a different set up. We were no longer under the one teacher only, but now had subject teachers, which as you know meant several teachers to get to know and cope with. Most of my teachers I found to be good and helpful and fair in their attitudes. There were two, however, whose attitude towards me was similar to that of my grade five teacher, except that they were less open in their discrimination. One just showed a continuous dislike for me but made no attempt to discriminate concerning my school work. The other made every attempt to keep my grades low, but I was two years older now than when I began grade five, so it was here I began to get wise and do battle for myself.”
“You began to cope?” asked Dr. Eldren.
“Yes, that’s it, I guess. I began to cope as best I could at that age.”
“To cope with such things at all at that age is quite notable, I would say,” replied Dr. Eldren. “Perhaps in this instance it would be in order to take exception to our planned format about coping and as you tell of your junior high school experiences, you could at the same time tell us how you coped with these experiences.”
All present agreed to that innovation and beckoned Gilda to proceed with her story.
“It isn’t really so much an intriguing story from here on, as much as it is simply a continuous struggle, sometimes a battle to keep moving ahead.”
“Keep