There was general agreement.
Leo continued to tell his story. “After the unproductive interview with the professor, I was uneasy about my standing with him. During the next class this uneasiness was substantiated by the professor’s attitude toward me. As he lectured he looked everywhere around the classroom except in my direction. I felt somewhat self-conscious about it. I struggled not to let it interrupt my concentration. On reflection after class I recalled he had avoided looking at me in the class that was held before the interview. As time went on I came to feel he didn’t like me at all.”
Gilda perked up in her chair. “You came to feel he didn’t like you?” she asked, placing much emphasis on the word ‘feel’.
“Yes--well, he did things throughout the year to make me feel that way--I mean it wasn’t feelings only. It became obvious to me and to some others too, that he didn’t like me,” replied Leo nervously.
“Ah, good” sparked Gilda, “that’s what we want to hear. We want you to describe the things he did, the actual actions of his that made you feel the way you did. These actions are not as intangible as one might think.”
“You’re giving me a tough assignment Gilda,” remarked Leo, “but I see what you’re getting at now, and I think I can respond sufficiently to bring out the points you are after.”
“If you don’t” responded Gilda, amusingly but meaningfully, “Dr. Eldren here will think you are imagining these things; reading into your professors actions and attitudes persecution against yourself, a feeling, just a feeling,” she emphasized, “brought on by your first unpleasant encounter with him.”
“Oh-h-” replied Leo, looking apprehensively to Dr. Eldren, then back to Gilda as though looking for further clarification. Collin could not help but join in on what in the past he had seen to become a fray between doctor and patient. It was against his better judgment to get involved in such an issue as this, but he was free to walk out if he pleased, he reminded himself.
“Paranoia?” Collin queried, before Gilda had been able to continue.
“Yes” said Gilda, unabashedly, even defiantly, “that’s been my experience.”
Tension mounted quickly throughout the group. Dr. Eldren looked with concern at Gilda, then around at the others. Collin wondered whether Dr. Eldren would tip his scale in favor of or against Gilda’s position. At any rate he would not wait to see before stating his own.
“That’s been my experience too Gilda,” he said coolly and reassuringly.
Dr. Eldren, unruffled, responded in his usual graceful manner, “Your point is well taken, Gilda, and Collin. You have brought out a point which, I expect, we will have to watch carefully-very carefully,” he reemphasized, “as we pursue our discussions; paranoia verses unexplainable or intangible attitudes.”
The group was at ease again.
Leo struggled in his mind. He grimaced a little as he sought to proceed. “The professor’s attitude towards me in general is very difficult to put into words, but usually he ignored me. Most other students were asked a question occasionally, I never was asked. When a general response was sought from throughout the class, someone else’s response was always taken over mine. Then one evening when we were discussing an author, his works and his critics, all of which I had studied thoroughly, I decided to enter the class discussion whether he wanted me to or not. I watched for an opportunity when it was appropriate for me to enter the discussion in a mannerly way, without crowding out someone else, and without giving him the excuse of listening to another person rather than me. I offered the opinion of a well known critic on the matter under discussion.
“I stated the position of this critic, which I knew to be a leading, valid, scholarly and accepted position, and I stated it in such a manner as to infer that it is the position I would take. At the same time I was fully aware that among several other critics there was another one whose view was runner up for top position. This critic had taken a different view altogether. But before I could state that second position and compare, as I had intended to do, the professor jumped the gun on me, stating the second position and inferring that he favored this position. He inferred but without substantiation, that this latter position was much superior.”
“How did he actually infer that superiority,” pried Gilda.
“Well,” strained Leo again, “mainly by the emphasis of his voice and the expression of his face, and somewhat by the gestures of his hands. He spoke of the position I had stated in a disdainful manner, and of the position he had taken in superior tones. Both positions are logical and scholarly positions. But worst of all, after openly showing his bias toward the position he favored, he very subtly made a mockery of the position I had favored.”
“How did he go about making that mockery,” asked Gilda. Leo broke into a brief uncontrollable smile. “Your point is well made by now Gilda,” he said, “yes, these attitudes can be described in words can’t they?” Then he continued seriously, “he trivialized it with a chuckle and a grin and a wave of his hand as though brushing it aside as if what I had said was of no consequence. I knew differently, but nevertheless he drew several chuckles from around the class. That’s when I began to lose control of myself. However, I did manage to hold myself together somewhat until the class was over. Then I went immediately to his desk, being sure I was the first there.
The professor was standing pleased, poised and proud. He had belittled me before the class. It was obvious he counted it a victory for his ego. Without waiting for him to either receive me or brush me aside, and it probably would have been the latter, I opened out at him in a somewhat uncontrolled manner.
“Sir,” I said, “you know as well as I that both of the positions we discussed before the class are accepted positions with regard to the author we are presently studying.
The professor smirked, obviously still on a high from his victory over me before the class. And as I look back now, he was in complete control of himself, and I was not.”
Coolly he said, “There are many positions taken on the matter, by many critics over many years.” Then he said sternly, “It is as I told you before, it all depends on your ability to discern.”
“I fumed as he proceeded to gather his books from his desk. I knew he was about to walk out and I couldn’t let him do that without letting him know I could see through him. ‘You hate my guts, don’t you?’ I said rather vigorously and contemptuously as I stared him in the face. He paled and his smirk left him. He was brought down from his high, and was actually frightened - I think he was,” said Leo, now lifting the tone of his words to a lighter vein. “Yea, I think he was actually frightened by my affront,” continued Leo in wonderment.
“A coward in the crunch?” interjected Collin.
Leo paused briefly, “Yea - yea maybe that’s it.”
“But he found a way out!” came in Collin again.
Leo looked at Collin with surprise. There was a pause.
“They always do.” came in Collin a third time.
The pause continued until this time broken by Leo. “Yea, he found a way out. Although shaken, he somewhat kept his poise and in a subdued manner said, “I don’t have to take this from you, you’ll be hearing more about it.” Then he walked out of the classroom.
Albin had been listening intently and wide-eyed.
“Leo,” he said excitedly, “your experience in that class is similar to the one I had in a philosophy class last year. Did you drop out of the course?”
“No way,” replied Leo, “I stayed to the end.”
“Oh-h” responded Albin, “I did, I mean I dropped out of my philosophy course last year. Didn’t think there was any use hanging in there if they were against me.”
Dr.