Owen, with a smile on his face, raised his eyebrows towards Collin, “hardly that, I think, but I’m sure glad I persuaded you to come to our group, Collin.” Then turning to Leo, “Collin isn’t psychic, Leo, just experienced.”
Gilda picked up the conversation again, “I expect it is experience that has taught Collin such things. Experience has taught me that if you don’t forge ahead, one way or another, you will go down. When people are trying to put you down, that’s just where they want you to go - down. The only effective defense against this is to go forward regardless. There are various ways to forge ahead. I chose and learned to handle well the method that has worked for me. However, I can see where it would not work for some others.”
Gilda, now visibly exuberant, perked up in her chair. She continued speaking: “There were two things that spurred me on to do well regardless of what may come. First, I did not want ever again to feel that I had lost the respect of my parents, as I felt I had when in grade five. This thought not only spurred me to do well in high school, but gave me a concrete desire to go on to university as I knew this is what my parents wanted for me. Secondly, I was inspired to go on by the thought that things would be much better in university than in high school. If only I could win the struggle in high school, there would, so I thought, be smooth sailing in university.”
Gilda settled back in her chair now. “Of course, she continued, “I’ll explain later what finally happened to that bit of philosophy when I tell you about my first year in university. Nevertheless, it did give me incentive to try hard in high school, and continuing with my high school experience, I did have one or two things in my favor there. One was that I was good at mathematics, and unlike as in Leo’s case, I was not dependent on ‘my ability to discern,’ as Leo was told. Rather it was a case usually of working out a mathematical problem by the method prescribed by the teacher or the text book. At that I was able to do well. Secondly, I was a quick thinker, and developed well the ability to argue my point thoroughly, continuously and forcefully, without losing my patience.
“Work in my science courses could also be defended in the same manner, since they did not have about them the ‘ambiguity’ that Leo was reminded of in his English course last year. Many times though, before certain teachers, I had to defend my method of working out a math or science problem. Some times I lost; most times I won, thereby building a reputation for myself as being a keen student whom my adversaries held in dread and disdain. I did well in some of the ‘ambiguous’ subjects too,” she said with a smile, as she emphasized the word ambiguous, to the amusement of the group. “This gave me protection to a point, although all through my high school years, there was always the discriminatory teachers to do battle with, or to cope with if you wish. It was a continuous, most strenuous struggle but I did get through high school with honors.”
Gilda then turned thoughtfully to Albin Anders. “Albin, throughout my school years, I did have several obnoxious teachers, and I do not to any degree minimize the misery they caused me, but, I want to emphasize also that I had some very wonderful, helpful and friendly teachers as well. Without them I wouldn’t have gotten through. I want to be sure you see both sides of my story.”
Albin blushed, but only a little. His self esteem was improving already. The broad smile into which he broke, was the predominant feature. “Thank you Gilda,” he said somewhat confidently, “I do see both sides of your story, as you tell it now. I also see similarities to my own experiences through the years, of which I was not aware, or of which I had only a semi-awareness at the time, but of which I am becoming fully conscious as time goes by.”
Then looking around at the whole group, Albin continued, “In the midst of all the discrimination and hostility, it is difficult to feel the friendships. One can see them there, and that is alright as far as it goes, but it is so difficult to really feel that you are in a sphere of friendship. The friendliness is so often subdued and implied. The hostility is so predominant and upsetting that when it is in sufficient quantities it easily dominates the mind.”
“Exactly,” said Owen, as he placed his long arm protectively around the shoulders of Albin who was sitting next to him. The friendship is there Albin, usually in larger quantities than the hostility, but it is often so silent, even dormant, that all we can see is hostility. I’m happy to see the awakening of your awareness to a higher degree.
“I think,” Owen continued, “that the saving grace for Gilda is that she had a friendly teacher in grade six. That brought healing for her. Had she been unfortunate enough to have had a disagreeable teacher in grade six also, it would have spelled disaster for Gilda. Furthermore, I think that this rather unique experience of her having vivid exposure to the two extremes of hostility and friendship in two consecutive years was a very valuable awareness experience for her. The pleasant sixth grade not only renewed her perspective, but opened the way for her to learn to cope so well at so young an age.”
“Yes,” replied Gilda, “in those two years I learned both sides of life. As I proceeded on through school, there were to be more bad experiences similar to those of grade five, but, there also were many in the category of my good grade six experience. This better side was a great encouragement to me.”
There was a brief silence. Dr. Eldren showed no visible expression of wanting to pick up the conversation at that point. Owen looked to Collin.
Collin had no desire to continue with the analytical aspect just now but he broke the silence with another probing question. “Gilda, if we require you to go through the ordeal of relating to us your whole high school experience, which you have already described as a continuous struggle it might be repetitious. Could you tell us of any outstanding incidents that might reveal something more of the nature of our problems?”
Gilda paused for a moment as she intentionally put a wide eyed expression of wonderment on her face. “Outstanding incidents?” she drawled, “yes-s-s”, then quickly, “yes, sure. The one that comes most quickly to mind is an incident in my final year of high school. We had a new science teacher that year. One day, early in the year, in science class we were discussing the capabilities and limitations of aircraft when I brought into the discussion information I had heard of when on a trip abroad about a new, yet unpublicized invention. The science teacher had never heard of it, since news of it had not yet been released to the media. Immediately the teacher’s nose was out of joint. He ridiculed me and trivialized my information before the whole class as if I was fantasizing. ‘Who ever heard of such a thing,’ he scoffed, “except Gilda Emerson.’
“He put me down, and put me down hard in a very hostile manner, denying the accuracy of my statement most emphatically, in order to save face which he felt he had lost. Most of the class could see through him I’m sure, but the damage between him and me was done.
“After outshining the teacher in this manner in a discussion before the whole class, I was to be on his bad books for the remainder of the year. From that time on he was cold and distant towards me. It was another burden to carry that year, and I must say it affected my overall performance. Nevertheless, I had what can be described as a good year, passing with honors. The thought that this was my final year of high school and just months away was my freedom from pettiness helped me to struggle on to do well. In university things will be better than this, I told myself; and then there was my parents - they so wanted me to go to university, and I wanted to please them. Of course I did want to go on to university myself also,” she hastened to add at the end of her statement.
Owen gave his head a quick twist of admiration. Then he asked, “Gilda, how did your parents figure in your high school years? You mentioned earlier how they misinterpreted events in your grade five experience, but in high school, being much older, you were probably better able to explain.”
“Yes, I was better able to explain, and I talked to my mother a great deal about it. She developed a sense of sympathetic understanding about the matter. I talked to my father about it some too. My mother suggested to my father that perhaps I should go to a private school. He didn’t agree. He is a self made man who came up the hard way. He felt it would be good for his children to do the same.