Sex & Intimacy 101. K. A. Bareki

and kicks before you learn fighting stances and conditioning your body. It’s like learning how to pray before you learn how to be a Christian. And this is why we are often taught, ‘‘seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all this things will be added unto you.’’(Matthew 6:33). Kunfu masters often provoke their students to anger because a student wants to spend all the zeal in learning how to fight. The master wants to teach his student the principles, but the student insists on fighting methods. I was often impatient when my guitar instructor wanted me to learn chords while I wanted to learn songs. He had tried to explain this to me in many words that chords come before songs, however, he was overcome by weak speech. He could have just said to me in King James rendition that ‘‘seek ye first the Chords and all these songs shall be added unto you.’’ And with sex is the same thing, we have to seek first the basics and all these things shall be added to us. To have good sex you have to know things, which are not essentially sexual but part of sex, so that you can build on that to produce exhilarating orgasmic experience. For those of you who think that sexual pleasure is sin...why do you think God made the body and made it sexual? Why did he make nerves and parts of the body that are pleasurable to touch if he didn’t want us to enjoy sexual pleasure? God deliberately made Eve sexually attractive and he deliberately made Adam horny and eager to have her. There is no evil in wanting your man and wanting him so badly. There is no wrong in a man wanting to squeeze his lover and sex her till the cops come knocking. This desire is natural and God designed. Mr, you will find the breast of your woman attractive and that’s a natural thing. If there is nothing wrong with eating food, then there is nothing wrong with having legitimate and pleasurable sex. In the very bible, that we love to make too righteous for sex teaching, the woman in Song of Songs says to her man that ‘‘ may my beloved come into his garden and eat of its choice fruits!’’ (Songs of songs 4:16). She is talking about sex and there is no need to hide it .The garden mentioned herein is probably the one down there (that amazon forest).The other verse says to you, and that is if you are a man who likes to have good sex, that ‘‘As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love’’,(Proverbs 5:19). So these breasts must satisfy you. I don’t care if you lick them or just put your face on them and enjoy the 37 ° (degrees celsius) body temperature.

      Sex is gooooood. That is why Paul encouraged lovers to not sexually abscond from each other (1 Corinthians 7:5), and the same Paul discouraged following the desires of the flesh. The desire of the body is having sex with your husband but the desire of the flesh is adultery. Many of us Pastors think that sex with our wives is sinful. We may not say so in words, but our actions speak volumes. We devote more time to prayer than sex, refuse to have good sex before preaching only to pounce on young girls at church. We end up dissatisfied and the result is we are seduced by women who think they know how to give a man the kind of sex he has always dreamt of. But wait till you marry her, and you will wish you stuck to your wife. God gave you a wife and you wasted her,‘‘For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?’’ (Proverbs 5:20). The woman of your matrimonial dreams is a beautiful person. You should be able to say to her, ‘‘the curves of your thighs are like jewels, The work of the hands of a skillful workman’’,(Songs of Songs 7:1).I am quoting from the bible dear...Admire her and stop that ‘‘pastor is righteous’’ nonsense that makes you quiet when you should admire her. Ladies, you must know the feeling by now of being kissed by someone you love. You should remember that it feels sweet and compels one to say ‘‘His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!’’ (Songs of songs 5:16).Solomon was talking straight sexual attraction when he says ‘‘Your navel is a rounded goblet; It lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat Set about with lilies’’,(Songs of Songs 7:2). Sex is great and never be too Christian to admit it. The guy in prison, who hasn’t seen his wife or girlfriend in years, gets my point. You who is outside the prison doors should stop playing church and give your lover something good and right for bodily edification. God made us male and Female with such distinction that men are not the same as women. But unlike poles attract...

       (a) Psychological differences

      The key to understanding men and women in terms of their sexuality warrants that one should know the psychological nature of each. Men and women differ so much that they are not the same in their comprehension of detail, tasking, decision, emotion, fashion, and general orientation. Until you know these things about the two genders, it will be hard to know a thing about relationship, let alone having intimate and crazy sex.

       (1) Detail and memory

      In the first 8 weeks, every fetal brain is intrinsically female. But there is that chemical reaction in the brain that eventually erodes the boy’s ability to have a brain like girl’s. Scientifically speaking, women’s brains are different from those of their male counterparts. It’s simply natural that women’s brains have a bigger memory than that of males. Women are search engines filled with information available upon request in their brains. My own mother often calls me from the United Kingdom where she works and she talks and talks relating every little bit of detail of things that occurred to her.My wife has a very similar nature. When I ask her how was the movie she watched by Taylor Perry, she starts going into details and already I would have to interject and say ‘‘baby, just give me the story in brief.’’ My aunt, grandmother and all the women I have known go into detail about any story they relate. As a preacher, I help women solve a lot of issues just as I help men. But women always need more time to tell me their problems because they are people of detail. And this comes naturally to women because they have 11% more neurons than men. Their memory hub in the brain is larger than that of men. Women are better at expressing emotion than men. That’s why I believe Sidney Sheldon writes beautiful novels rich in descriptive detail. Again I suspect more women read novels compared to men because novels are mostly about relationships, like the recent fifty shades of grey.

      My daughter is as I write this book, only three years old. Her brother is already 6 and ‘‘threatening’’ to be 7 years. One time I thought of speaking to my son but he was busy concentrating on his play. She perceived that I was about to say something, and she did alarm her brother that ‘‘daddy wants to talk to you. ’’ But I had not even said a word. How did she know that I was about to say something to her brother? Females are much more able to recognize expressions and to express themselves more than males. This ability to decode facial expressions and to interpret feelings makes them natural psychologists and I respect them for that.

      Women, unlike men, care about whether the cost of a fabric softener is $9.85 or $9.95. But to men, those prices are nothing but the same thing as long as there is $9 in the price-tag. Ask me about it—I am a man and I have struggled to understand why my wife is often caught up in moving from shop to shop looking for slightly cheaper tomatoes. That thing just pisses me off. There is no anointing in men that helps them compete with women when it comes to obsession with detail. Thanks to women coz their obsession with detail is causing manufacturers to be a bit more careful with how they make their products. A woman will return a yoghurt back to the shop without shame if she finds something ‘‘small’’ that she doesn’t like about it as long as she believes the retailer is liable for that dislike. My wife and other women I know can do this and I think it’s a female talent!

      You don’t know how limited men are until you start studying women. You won’t know how incapable women are until you look into the lives of men with utter curiosity. Women are people of detail, in friendships, prices, clothes and speech. But men don’t give a hoot whether something is slightly cheaper or expensive, what matters to them is convenience. The convenient store is loaded with men who want to buy cooked sausage, grilled chicken and fries or burgers but that to women is a deliberate waste of money. Thanks to men because without them, restaurants would close down.

      What does a woman’s natural inclination to detail mean? It means she will listen closely to your