He didn’t say anything, just watched the horse, arms slung over the corral fence, one foot resting on the lowest tread of timber.
“So, what’s the deal with her?”
Ben shrugged, broad shoulders moving under his shirt. She was glad to have the distraction of the horse, because she was finding it almost impossible not to stare at him.
“She’s had all the guys on, doesn’t seem to like them.”
“How about you?” Rebecca asked. “Does she like you?”
He laughed. “Nope, not particularly.”
They looked at one another. They were both thinking the same thing, Rebecca could tell by the look in his eyes. There had always been the odd horse that had worked better for one of them or the other, it was about personalities, the rider clicking with beast. But there had been one very special mare who’d only ever worked for Rebecca, to the point where Gus had decided the horse was useless for anyone else, and had given her over to Bec. It had all worked well, her dream come true to own such an amazing mare, until the accident. She’d lost her nerve, and her will to ride, and her beautiful mare had lost her life. The memory flash made her skin prickle. And then she’d lost her best friend, all in the course of a couple of months, as well as her dreams of making it big in the polo world. She’d never gotten over that period in her life, had always just pushed it from her mind, but her pain was still raw.
Ben let out a big breath of air and gave her a smile—a slow rise of his mouth, followed by a gentle wink. It was as if he had put his arm around her, comforted her, just by looking at her. No one else had ever made her feel quite like Ben could. Embraced, comforted, cared for, all in a single look. Pity it had taken her so many years to figure out that she was in love with him. When they’d finally taken that step, he was gone, and then she went from losing a friend to nursing a broken heart. Ben had never said anything, never told her that he thought of her as any more than a friend, and so she’d just kept her mouth shut and let him get on with his life.
“So what do you think?”
Rebecca raised her eyes. What did she think? Her mind was racing, took her a moment to remember what they were even talking about. And then she glanced at the filly before them.
Ben was watching her, waiting for her answer. But here, back on a horse again, after all this time?
“I, ah, don’t think so.”
Ben stepped up onto the railing and hauled himself into the corral. “If I persist long enough, she’ll let me catch her, but she’s wild when anyone tries to get near her.”
“And you expect me to do what you guys can’t?”
Ben walked backward until his back was pressed against the wooden rails, before climbing up to sit on the fence.
“You know you can do it, Bec.”
Rebecca stayed on the other side of the fence, close to Ben but not quite touching. It was tempting, she could admit that, but there was no way she was up to it. No way she could summon the courage to climb on a spirited horse and stay calm enough and confident enough to be in control. Not after all this time.
“What’s her name?”
Ben turned and smiled. “That mean you’re ready to give it a go?”
She laughed, shaking her head as she looked back at the horse. No, all it meant was she was trying to change the subject.
“Missy,” he told her. “Her name’s Missy.”
Rebecca kept watching the horse. Missy. She played the name through her mind. It was a pretty name, but it didn’t make any difference. She wasn’t going near her.
“What do you say?”
“Just give me some time.” The words came out before she could think longer. And she wasn’t even sure she was still talking about horses.
Ben jumped off the fence and landed on the hard packed dirt, his feet falling inches away from hers. Rebecca had a funny feeling she would live to regret that comment. There was no way he was going to let her leave at the end of this weekend without trying her luck with that horse, and the very idea terrified her. She didn’t know if it was simply losing her nerve or just the years of not riding catching up on her, but she couldn’t even comprehend climbing back into the saddle, with or without Ben egging her on.
He stood close to her, too close, and their eyes met for just a second. It was long enough to feel like one second too long, though. Neither of them knew what to say. Ben because he wasn’t the type to just come out and say something, and her because she had too much to hide. Too much at stake. Just being with him was a risk, or at least it was until she was ready to come clean and tell him what she’d done. It wasn’t that she was going to keep it from him, she just wanted to do it right, to break it to him the right way, if that was even possible.
* * *
Rebecca walked beside Ben. She was listening to him but her eyes were floating around their surroundings, drinking in the familiar sights she had gone so long without seeing.
“What do you think?”
She turned her attention back to Ben. She had no idea what he was talking about. Again.
Gus appeared ahead of them and saved her from having to answer. He leaned against the corner of the stable block, resting a leg, but he was smiling. Rebecca guessed that he was probably feeling worse than he let on, but this was his life. The alternative was to cart him off to hospital, or a rest home, and what good would that do him? He deserved to be here till his last day, doing what he loved.
“So when are you two going off for a ride?”
Rebecca laughed and glanced at Ben. She hoped that he hadn’t put his grandfather up to it. “I’m not sure I’ll be riding at all this weekend. These days I prefer my feet firmly on the ground.”
“Do you remember Willy?” Gus asked
She nodded. “Who could forget him?” Although as she said it, she was wondering if it was a trick question. “He must be, what? Twenty...twenty-two years old now?” He’d been Gus’s horse when she was a teenager. The most reliable, safe, sweet horse she’d ever come across, and he’d been Gus’s pride and joy.
“Sure is. I can’t ride anymore and he’s going to waste just sitting around. Thought he could do with a walk around the farm. What do you say?”
Rebecca took a step backward and walked straight smack bang into Ben. He must have stopped right behind her, his large frame preventing her from making a getaway. She lurched forward and felt trapped. Backward meant into Ben and forward meant the horse. She didn’t know what scared her more. Her heart was hammering, although the idea of falling back into the warmth of Ben’s body was sounding like the more attractive option right now.
“I, ah, I don’t know, Gus. Really, I...”
“Are you telling me you came all the way here without your riding gear?”
Gulp. He had her there. Yes, she had brought it, but with no intention of actually putting it on. She eyed up the horse some more and felt a lump of genuine terror knot in her throat, but at least riding would give her a distraction aside from Ben.
“How about it, Bec?”
Ben placed his hands on either side of her arms, still standing behind her. It was nothing more than a gentle press of his skin against hers, but it sent a butterfly-soft shiver down her back. He was too close and it was only making her feel more guilty about everything, like a traitor for even being there.
Gus was watching her, Ben was touching her, even the horse seemed to be staring at her, waiting for her answer.