This time when he looked at her he didn’t break the stare, not for a second. His eyes were locked on hers, his dark brown irises flecked with gold in the bright light.
“I have to go, but how about I take you up on that offer another day? Maybe when you’re not so busy and you can join me?”
She forced herself to keep breathing, which felt like the most unnatural thing in the world all of a sudden with Ben standing in front of her. The last thing she needed was to sit down and have lunch with him.
“Sounds good. It would be nice to catch up.”
Someone in the kitchen called out her name, giving her an excuse to break away, to finally glance away from the eyes that had been holding her captive.
“I’ll see you around, Bec.” Ben held his hand up in the air and took a few steps backward before turning and heading for the door.
Rebecca watched him, didn’t move a muscle until he’d disappeared from sight, ignoring the chaos behind her. Her heart was thumping with what she knew was excitement, but the rest of her was a quivering mess of nerves, ready to slip into a puddle on the floor. Because there was no part of Ben being back that was okay, none at all.
* * *
Ben stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and walked down the street, through the crowded lunchtime buzz of inner city Melbourne. He loved Australia, loved being back on home turf and knowing he was where he belonged. Living overseas had been a blast, but the idea of dividing his time between the city and his granddad’s farm was what he wanted now, and he knew he’d made the right decision coming home. As hard as it was leaving his polo family behind, he couldn’t stay away from Gus any longer.
And seeing Bec? Wow. He’d only been home one day and it had been a fight not to turn up at the restaurant that first night, just to lay eyes on her again. The girl who’d waved him goodbye, his best friend, and then slowly disappeared from his life. But who could blame her? He hadn’t exactly been the best at staying in touch, but then she’d been downright terrible.
And then she’d met some other guy and had a kid? Little Bec all grown up and a mom? Now, that he hadn’t been expecting. In his mind he’d imagined her life on hold, expected he could come home and somehow he’d be able to convince her that their night together had been a good thing, that they were supposed to be more than just friends. He’d been a fool, naive at best, and after seeing her today he knew he’d waited too long, that she’d moved on and he’d missed his chance.
Because even though he’d had the time of his life away, ridden some of the best polo ponies in the world and traveled to the most incredible countries, he’d never stopped thinking about Rebecca. Not for a moment. At the time, he’d been so desperate to belong, loved being part of a big extended polo family, when in reality he’d had a little family here with Gus and Rebecca all along, only it had taken being away so long for him to realize it. It wasn’t until his granddad had finally admitted how sick he was that it had really hit home.
Rebecca’s soft, smiling face, pillowy lips and shining eyes had been the memory he’d clung on to, and almost four years on, he was darn pleased she didn’t have a husband. He could never stay angry with her and seeing her today had proved it. He’d gone in all tough guy, wanting to demand why she’d lost touch. But he hadn’t. And they might have been drunk that night together, but he hadn’t forgotten a moment of what had happened between them.
He’d kill the guy who’d left her, on her own and with a child, and he’d bet her parents would be happy to help him find him. Rebecca had been his best friend, and for one night she’d been his lover. Ben grimaced as he jumped behind the wheel of his car. And that one night had ruined everything between them.
* * *
Rebecca strolled in to the preschool center and locked eyes on her daughter. Lexie was running around the room at high speed, arms spread out as if she was flying, her little lips bouncing off one another to make a noise like a plane. Her heart fluttered and she turned away, not wanting Lexie to see her yet. Her little girl was clingy enough as it was, and she loved seeing her play with the other kids.
“Hey there.”
Bec turned to find Julia, one of the teachers, behind her. She was holding out a colorful, smudged sheet of paper.
“Lexie painted this today and insisted I put it somewhere safe for Mommy.”
The grin that followed made her smile, and she reached out to take it. “She has quite a talent, don’t you think?”
Both women laughed then as Bec held out the painting and squinted, trying to decipher exactly what it was. “A house covered in green slime?” she guessed.
“Day at the beach?”
A little voice interrupted them. “Mommy!”
Bec turned and scooped up her girl, planting a kiss on her shiny blond head. “Hey, sunshine.”
“Do you like my painting?”
“Of course!”
“It’s me on a horse. A horse, Mommy!”
“Mmm.” She tried not to grin as she looked back at her. The teacher had to walk away to keep from laughing. “We were just saying what a lovely horse it is.”
“It’s a polo horse.” She fought to stand on the ground. “Me on a polo pony.”
Rebecca’s smile fell from her face, until she realized Lexie was still watching her. She forced her panic away. A polo pony? How did she even know about polo ponies?
“Let’s go, sweetheart. Grab your bag and say goodbye to Julia.”
She watched as her daughter darted away, reached a hand to push back her hair as she stared at the picture. Lexie had never even been around horses, let alone ridden one, but she’d been obsessed about them since she could say the word. Just like someone else she knew. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Lexie was more like her dad than she’d let herself believe.
“Mommy?”
She dropped to her knees, taking the bag from her daughter and zipping it up. “Yes, sweetheart.”
“Granddad says you used to ride horses. That you used to ride polo ponies.”
“Did he now?” She would kill him for even talking to Lexie about her riding. That was a part of her life she’d left behind. She’d never even been near a horse since Ben had left, and she’d long since given up any dreams of making a career out of the sport she’d loved since she was fourteen. The last horse she’d had...she didn’t even want to think about the accident.
“He said you were real good, too, until you fell off one day. Did it hurt?”
“And when was Granddad telling you all this?” she asked.
“Yesterday.”
Lexie skipped off toward the door, waiting for her, her hand outstretched.
“Can we go horse riding?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“Why maybe?”
“I don’t know anyone who owns a horse.” It was a lie, but what else was she going to say?
“Could we get a horse, then?” Lexie asked.
“Get in the car.”
She closed the door after her and stood on the sidewalk for a few seconds, eyes closed, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Once upon a time she would have done anything to spend her life around horses, but that was in the past, and that was exactly how she wanted to keep it. She had to tell Ben, she knew that, but she still didn’t want to go back.