How to read and use this book
I have designed this book as a self-help course which can either be used by individuals working on their own or as a basis for group work.
It aims to do the following:
– provide an easy-to-digest explanation of the relevant theory and philosophy of positive thinking approaches
– present exercises, checklists and guidelines to help you identify your problem areas and find ways to make your thinking, feeling and behaviour more positive
– support you in your self-help programme.
I have liberally scattered the text with encouraging and enlightening quotes from a wide range of people, some of whom are ‘experts’ and others who are merely sharing the wisdom of their personal experience.
I was keen to use as many quotes from women as I could, but unfortunately these are hard to come by, not necessarily because they are less relevant or witty, but simply because they have not been recorded in the same numbers as those by men. Knowing this reality, I started to make my own list and collected a considerable number from listening to women on the television and radio during the year before writing this book, but unfortunately my own recordings are probably now disintegrating at the bottom of a Spanish river where the car-thief who stole my notes most likely threw them!
To turn to the structure of the book itself:
• Part 1: Laying the foundations deals with ways in which you can provide yourself with a firm positive base by:
– expanding your self-knowledge and becoming more self-aware
– challenging and changing your negative thinking, feeling and behavioural habits.
• Part 2: Getting equipped looks at practical ways to prepare yourself for action by:
– improving your physical well-being
– finding an appropriate image
– acquiring additional helpful skills and know-ledge.
• Part 3: Getting into action gives guidelines and exercises to help you put the theory and the ‘new you’ into practice through:
– re-vitalizing your personal relationships
– changing your lifestyle with better management.
• Part 4: Practical support introduces a number of additional ways to help and support you in your programme for change, including:
– positive action strategy
– relaxation, meditation and visualization exercises
– the use of affirmations and scripting
– a reading list for further help and advice.
How long it will take you to complete the book and the course will depend firstly on your motivation, secondly on the extent of your difficulty, and thirdly on the time you can make available to do the personal development work. I would suggest that even the keenest of the keen would be pushing themselves if they expected to see big changes in less than eight weeks. Many people using my other books report that they have taken a quick read of the text for initial encouragement and a basic understanding of the method and have then returned to the books again to work through them at a slower pace so that they could digest them more thoroughly and complete the exercises.
Although, in my experience, most people find this kind of personal development work engrossing and rewarding even in its early stages, there will be times when you will be tempted to give up on yourself. This is why it is important to go at the pace which suits you – too fast and you will exhaust yourself and too slow you will lose momentum. The beauty of using these self-help methods is that you are in control and there is not the competitive element found in many courses. Who is to know, or care, whether you are working through the programme as fast and furiously as Jane in Auckland, Paula in Toronto or Gillian in Birmingham? You are the chief trainer and therapist. You must set the goals, plan the action, assess the progress and arrange the rewards. This book is designed to stimulate and enrich your potential to help yourself by providing you with inspirational examples, enlightening theory and hundreds of down-to-earth, practical ideas. Use it to empower and encourage yourself to overcome and control the negative demon within you!
What is it all about?
We all know women who think and act positively even when the cards seem well and truly stacked against them. The individual personalities of these women will vary enormously – some will be quietly spoken and others will be the life and soul of every occasion – but I believe that they, and others who habitually think, feel and act positively, are likely to share the following basic characteristics.
Hallmarks of positive thinkers
Progressive
Optimistic
Sensible
Independent
Trusting
Industrious
Versatile
Encouraging
• Progressive – because they themselves are continually growing and developing and they are interested in helping others to do the same. They are not afraid of the future; indeed, they look forward to it with enthusiasm and interest. They are not always looking back over their shoulders at ‘the good old days’, even though they may appreciate and be able to learn from their own and their culture’s history.
• Optimistic – because they approach problems and situations believing that a good outcome may be possible. They do not easily give up hope, so they are able to persevere through difficult times and setbacks. They believe that taking an encouraging view of the situation can often bring about a favourable outcome.
• Sensible – because they carefully assess situations and prepare themselves well for possible setbacks and disasters. They know the advantages of sound organization and management strategies and do not just allow luck or fate to guide them along. They are careful to ensure that their goals, although challenging, are realistic, so they are not continually setting themselves up for failure.
• Independent – because they are at ease with themselves, they enjoy their own company and are not continually dependent on others to make them feel happy or secure. They are able to have satisfying long-term intimate relationships because they can control their dependency needs and can allow other people to have their individuality. They can motivate and organize themselves and are capable of being self-supporting. They are not afraid to swim against the tide and take innovatory steps forward or make difficult decisions.
• Trusting – because they have a high degree of self-knowledge and sound values, they are able to trust themselves. They do not feel continually disappointed or surprised by their own feelings and actions and are therefore