I raised my frightened and surprised gaze to him and met his eyes. I silently opened my mouth, as if the words themselves wanted to escape, but I froze in numbness, not knowing what to say. Lev lingered his gaze on me for a couple of seconds, frozen, with my mouth slightly open in surprise, turned away and went outside. I lowered my eyes, feeling myself blushing deeply.
And this happened every time. When he passed by, I embarrassedly looked away, turned away or imitated vigorous activity on my smartphone. And only then did I raise my eyes, watching him as he left. At such moments, my gaze slid over his graceful, thin, tall figure in a blue jacket. And when he turned around, I could see his graceful, refined profile in the sunlight, adorned with a thin frame of glasses. Everything about him, every movement spoke of intelligence, subtlety and ease of nature, and also – that this was someone, as if close to me and very vaguely familiar. I was confused and at the same time attracted by the halo that surrounded the figure of this man – his photos adorned the hall of the administration and calendars, an interview with him adorned the entire spread of a fresh newspaper, and when he appeared, people respectfully greeted him and whispered. And me? Who am I? Yesterday’s student, today’s intern, young, but already with a wealth of experience behind her. A girl who has no name or authority here yet – only sparkling eyes, a sharp mind and a willingness to work long and hard.
Besides, he is ten years older than me.
In a newspaper interview, he told me that he once taught the basics of programming at the university. How many ordinary young students like me have passed through his hands? Their faces, flashing before him for many years, eventually turned into a faceless stream of people. I can’t even imagine how I could interest him – and this thought made the stone slab on my chest feel even heavier.
I can’t fight this burning warm feeling for Lev, the sudden desire to surround this person, familiar and unfamiliar to me at the same time, with care.
***
On the day of summing up the results of my cohort’s internship, I was feeling a little nervous. My doubts had not completely dissipated – would they offer me to continue working at the IT corporation?
Several guys, other interns, and their managers sat around a long white table. There were a few empty seats next to me. And then Lev entered the room. I had no doubt about his appearance – hardly any project could do without his participation. My heavy gaze of hazel eyes involuntarily passed over him and lingered for a moment again on the ring that sparkled in the sun. Feeling a slight prick in my heart, I quickly turned away and began to study the interns’ presentations on the screen.
Here came the most exciting moment – the announcement of those who received an offer. I involuntarily grabbed the smooth armrests of the chair with slightly sweaty palms, leaning forward. My heart began to beat faster and faster. – Kira Konstantinovna, congratulations, you have successfully completed your internship, and we invite you to join our team! – the host announced solemnly.
I leaned back in my chair, breathing a sigh of relief. To the sound of loud applause, a wide smile spread across my face, a whole mountain fell from my shoulders. An entire period of uncertainty is behind me! I am staying in the corporation. But for how long?
Suddenly, a vision appeared before my eyes, which first came to me at school, and after that, for several years dormant in the back of my subconscious. Senior classes of school. Kate and I are sitting at a desk in a computer science class. She, usually a person of celebration, is writing code with concentration and enthusiasm. I can already see her in a modern office, testing a new program.
– How I envy you, Kate, – I smile thoughtfully. – You will be useful to people. And where to go for me, a humanities student, is not yet entirely clear.
I was drawn to her world. I clearly saw offices with many flickering blue screens, and people working intently behind them. And I saw myself next to them – certainly in a black business suit, as I consult them with a smile, and they listen to me, although I understand nothing about programming and, in general, the exact sciences. How is this possible?
And today, several years later, the answer has been found. I have become a part of this world of science. Fate did not hide anything from me – it immediately showed me a picture of the life in which I would find myself, and led me to it along clearly verified paths – I did not even have time to look back, as I found myself in place. So, this is not a mistake, I am where I should be, at the time I need to be – and is it possible to be otherwise?
The weekend after summing up the results of the internship seemed especially bright. A difficult test has been passed, a new stage of life has begun. Isn’t that great? Wasn’t it interesting work that brought me here from Siberia? And yet, it seemed to me that this explanation was insufficient – some other reason brought me to this city.
The weekend after summing up the results of the internship seemed especially bright. A difficult test had been passed, a new stage of life had begun. Wasn’t that great? Wasn’t it interesting work that brought me here from Siberia? And yet, it seemed to me that this explanation was insufficient – some other reason brought me to this city. The sun was scorching and blinding, flooding the ceremonial facades of houses and emerald lawns of parks with light. I went out to the embankment and stopped, leaning on the heated stone parapet and watching the wide blue flow of the Neva.
– Petersburg. I wonder why I really came here? – I thought, watching the small waves running into each other with a hypnotized gaze. «Finish the business of my past life,» flashed through my mind, as if it was not my thought.
I perked up, already looking around the noisy embankment and the buildings decorated with stucco, like cream roses on a cake, in a new way. And suddenly it seemed that in this city, about which I had heard so much and to which I had moved with such zeal, I was beginning to feel hard and uncomfortable. It would be fair to me in its desire to teach me something – but it would hardly be welcoming.
***
A couple of weeks later, nature showed mercy, and the heat left St. Petersburg, giving way to a cool wind. That day, thick gray clouds ran across the sky, reflected in the mirrored glass of the administration building. I was standing at the checkpoint, busily tapping my foot and listening to the beeps on my phone – the designer who was developing a poster for our advertising campaign stubbornly did not want to get in touch today. His face froze in his usual concentrated expression – frowning eyebrows. And then I noticed Lev coming out from around the corner of the building and approaching the checkpoint.
We were completely alone on the street. This silence and the barely noticeable rustle of the summer wind oppressed me. Instead of an instinctive impulse to hide, to turn away, I was overcome by a hypnotic desire to stand still and not move. I froze, silently watching his tall, graceful figure in a jacket approaching step by step, an expression of extreme thoughtfulness reflected on his thin face with a light stubble and in his expressive brown eyes behind his glasses.
He froze for a moment and looked into my eyes in surprise. I should have turned away in embarrassment, as I always did before. But I couldn’t move, not blinking, looking into his eyes and feeling how hard my heart was pounding, echoing in my ears. It seemed to me that I saw in his eyes how he overcame the emerging embarrassment. Finally, he himself took the first step and nodded to me cautiously. I responded with a slow nod of my head, and he walked on quickly. As soon as he disappeared, I could not hold back a wide smile.
It happened!
The