FALSTAFF
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER
Ay, by these gloves, did he — or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else! — of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
FALSTAFF
Is this true, Pistol?
EVANS
No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOL
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! — Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
SLENDER
By these gloves, then, ‘twas he.
NYM
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say “marry trap” with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it.
SLENDER
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFF
What say you, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPH
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
EVANS
It is his “five senses”; fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPH
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier’d; and so conclusions passed the careires.
SLENDER
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ‘tis no matter; I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
EVANS
So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
FALSTAFF
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
[Enter ANNE PAGE with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following.]
PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within.
[Exit ANNE PAGE.]
SLENDER
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
PAGE
How now, Mistress Ford!
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met; by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her]
PAGE
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Exeunt all but SHALLOW, SLENDER, and EVANS.]
SLENDER
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.
[Enter SIMPLE.]
How, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?
SIMPLE
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
SHALLOW
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ‘twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here: do you understand me?
SLENDER
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason.
SHALLOW
Nay, but understand me.
SLENDER
So I do, sir.
EVANS
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you pe capacity of it.
SLENDER
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says; I pray you pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.
EVANS
But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage.
SHALLOW
Ay, there’s the point, sir.
EVANS
Marry is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.
EVANS
But can you affection the ‘oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth: therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?
SHALLOW
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.
EVANS
Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.
SHALLOW
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
SLENDER
I will do a greater thing than that upon your request, cousin, in any reason.
SHALLOW
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
SLENDER
I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say “Marry her,” I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
EVANS
It is a fery discretion answer; save, the fall is in the ort “dissolutely:” the ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.
SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
[Re-enter ANNE PAGE.]
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
ANNE
The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships’ company.
SHALLOW
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne!
EVANS
Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
[Exeunt SHALLOW and EVANS.]
ANNE
Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?