“What? But you’re so together.”
“Not about this,” he told her.
They stared at each other. Between them, they probably had every brochure ever printed on the subject of child birth and child rearing. They each had a couple of books, along with lists of resources.
She drew in a deep breath. “Okay, so we should probably calm down. The baby won’t be here for seven more months. We’re smart and capable. We can prepare.”
Her words made sense. “Plus it won’t expect much when it’s born. Food, clean diapers, a place to sleep.”
“Exactly. So we’re fine.”
They dropped their bags, brochures and lists into the trunk then got into the car. Before he started the engine, he glanced at her.
“How many classes did you sign us up for?” he asked.
“I think three. Maybe four. They’ll call to confirm.”
“There were three baby classes?”
She cleared her throat. “Well, no. One of them was for toddlers, but I thought…”
The panic faded and when it did, reason returned. One corner of his mouth twitched and he imagined what they must have looked like, frantically grabbing every brochure and stuffing them into bags.
“Good thing they don’t charge for the literature,” he said, fighting laughter.
Her eyes brightened with humor. “That would be some bill. I’d have to go back to work.”
“Or we could sell some furniture.”
They were both smiling now. She started to chuckle.
“Okay, I’ll admit it—I totally lost it. But you did, too.”
He held up both hands. “I agree. I am not ready to be a father.”
“Same here. The idea of a child using the ‘m’ word gives me the willies.”
He stared into her beautiful face and touched her cheek. “You’ll be a great mom. You have all the qualities.”
“Thanks. I feel the same way about you being a dad.”
Before he could tell her he’d already failed at that, she added, “If I had to totally freak out over this, I’m glad it was with you.”
“Me, too.”
There was something about her smile and the way she gazed at him. Something that drew him closer until, without planning the move, he pressed his mouth against hers.
The kiss started out simply enough. Just lips touching. He continued to stroke her cheek, but that was okay because he meant it to be a friendly, comforting gesture. Nothing about the action was supposed to be sexual.
Then she shifted closer and tilted her head slightly. The invitation was clear and irresistible. Fire exploded inside him, fueled by a need that he could barely contain.
Before he could tell himself he shouldn’t, he touched his tongue to her lower lip. Even as she put her hands on his shoulders, she parted for him.
Despite his growing desire, he moved slowly, wanting to give her time to back away, or at least give him a good hard slap. He traced the inside of her lower lip, feeling her smooth skin and tasting her sweetness. When she didn’t pull back, he gently touched the tip of her tongue with his.
Delicious, exquisite torture, Noelle thought as Dev leisurely deepened their kiss. If she’d been a little more sure of herself, she would have taken things into her own hands, so to speak, but this was their first real kiss and as he’d been the one to initiate it, she figured he could set the pace.
In a way, moving so slowly was good. It gave her time to explore his shoulders and back, to feel the lean muscles there, and the heat of his body. She could breathe in the scent of him and imagine what it would be like if they kept on kissing.
At last he swept into her mouth and claimed her. She sighed in appreciation as he explored her mouth, leaving behind excited tingling everywhere he touched. One of his hands dropped to her shoulder, the other settled on her waist where the weight was oddly unsettling. She had the oddest urge to move closer and maybe nudge his hand higher. She was so shocked to realize that she wanted his hand on her bare breast that she pulled back.
They stared at each other. His dark eyes were bright with a light she hadn’t seen before. Passion, she wondered. Did he desire her?
What was up with her body? She’d kissed before—lots of times. But she couldn’t recalling feeling quite so…melty afterward. And the breast thing? Where had that come from? Jimmy had been the first. It hadn’t been that big a deal. She’d never imagined feeling his fingers on her bare skin.
Just the thought made her break out in goose bumps. As she rubbed her bare arms she realized that the light was fading in Dev’s eyes. It was replaced by something that looked like concern…or worse…second thoughts.
He was going to apologize, she thought desperately. No. She couldn’t stand that. The kiss had been too good.
“I’m starved,” she said with a bright smile. “It’s nearly noon. Do you have time to grab lunch before you head back to work?”
He blinked at the change of topic. For a second she thought he was going to push forward and insist on discussing the kiss, but then he smiled.
“Sure. What are you in the mood for?”
A week later, Noelle sat in Dev’s study and pretended to review her calculus homework. He’d brought home a few reports he’d needed to look at before morning, so she’d joined him on the pretext of finishing up her homework.
In truth, she’d already finished, but she’d wanted to hang out with him and couldn’t think of another excuse. Something had changed between them, at least for her, and she was still trying to figure out what it was.
She could pinpoint the exact date everything had shifted—it had been the afternoon of her first doctor’s appointment. Sometimes she thought it was because he’d kissed her in a way she’d never been kissed before. Not that the style was all that different—it was more her own reaction that was keeping her up nights. Other times she told herself that while the kiss was nice, it didn’t mean all that much. The real bonding had occurred over their shared revelation that they were really having a baby together. That this situation was about more than logistics and details—that there would be another life involved.
They’d laughed together, panicked together and had found comfort in sharing the experience.
Whatever the cause, Dev was no longer just Jimmy’s older brother, the man who was being kind to her in desperate circumstances. He was his own person. Someone she liked and respected. Someone who could make her toes curl with a smile.
She had several dilemmas, she thought as she glanced up at him from her corner of his leather sofa. Had anything changed for him? Did he see her as only a problem to be solved, or was she a real person? She thought he liked her well enough, but she wanted more than that. She wanted him to find her sexy and attractive and exciting.
She sighed. She could rate attractive easily enough on a good day, but sexy and exciting weren’t words usually used around her.
There was also the age difference. She knew he was aware of it. So did he find her too young? She thought she was doing a good job of holding her own with him, but that was just from her perspective. So what did he think?
Her mother had always told her it was much better to ask than wonder, that being straightforward was the best way to make a relationship work. The advice seemed sound, but the thought of putting it into practice terrified her. Wishing and dreaming were totally safe. Acting was something else entirely.
What if he completely rejected her? What if he thought