“Sometimes.”
He didn’t want to get into the fact that they were easier to feel with his fingers than his erection. That comment would only lead to a discussion on what his fingers would be doing inside of her.
“Maybe you could get a book or something,” he said, wishing he could think of a good way to change the subject. If they kept this topic up much longer, she was going to notice his arousal and God knows what questions would follow then.
Noelle was far more curious than he’d realized. With his luck, she would want to see and touch and then they’d been in real trouble.
“I don’t think I could go into a bookstore and buy something like that,” she said.
“That’s why we have the Internet.” He paused. “Okay, then. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.” He hurried from the kitchen and wondered how long it had been since he’d felt such a need for a woman, and if a cold shower would be any help at all.
“So,” Crissy said with a grin. “You’re married. How’s that going?”
Noelle laughed, which was a mistake because three stitches slipped off her needles and when she tried to put them back, she pulled out half a row.
“Good,” she said. “I mean, we’re adjusting. Dev is great. He’s really considerate and sweet. He didn’t know it was my birthday and when he found out, he bought me a laptop.”
Rachel sighed. “I really like that in a man. Someone who respects a good appliance. So romantic.”
“I thought it was a great gift,” Noelle said defensively. “I can really use it at college and the one he picked is small and lightweight and has wireless Internet. This isn’t a regular marriage. I didn’t expect a romantic gift.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows as she looked at Crissy. “She seems to be very protective of the new Mr. Noelle.”
“I noticed that,” Crissy said. “Interesting.”
Noelle knew they were only teasing. “You’re just jealous.”
“A little,” Rachel said. “Although last year one of my students brought me a baby white mouse for my birthday. It was very touching.”
Crissy laughed. “I would have run screaming from the room, but that’s just moi.” She looked back at Noelle. “You’re really doing okay? No weirdness?”
“The entire situation is weird. Dev is really great, but we don’t know each other. I’m not sure what he expects from me or even what I expect from him. So far we’re being very polite.”
“Good manners are always helpful,” Crissy offered. “I’m in favor of them.”
“Well, he knows plenty. We’re both trying. He even suggested I talk to a grief counselor about Jimmy if I thought I should.” She put down her project and leaned forward. “I told him I was fine. The thing is, I don’t feel like I need one. I missed Jimmy a lot at first, and I felt horrible after he died, but I’m not spending much time missing him.” Not really any time, she thought glumly. “Is that natural? Am I an awful person?”
Rachel looked at her. “For the sake of humor, I want to say ‘yes,’ but as your friend, I’ll tell the truth. Of course not. You feel what you feel. You guys didn’t date that long. It was intense because he left and then came back. Noelle, you never promised to love him forever.”
“But I slept with him.”
Crissy sighed. “Honey, women have been messing up their lives by sleeping with the wrong guy for centuries. You did it, I did it, I’m sure Rachel will admit she’s done it.”
Rachel nodded.
“No one can be smart all the time,” Crissy continued. “Circumstances change. We change. You make the best decision you can at the time and let it go.”
“Like marrying Dev,” Rachel added. “He sounds like a great guy. He’s the closest thing to a biological father the baby is going to have so it really makes sense for you two to be together.”
What they said sounded logical, Noelle thought. “I do like him,” she admitted. “This entire situation could have been a nightmare, but he’s gone out of his way to make things easy. I thought…” She smiled. “I thought we’d have nothing in common. I dreaded evenings, wondering what we’d talk about, but it’s easy. We like a lot of the same kinds of movies and he loves peanut butter cookies, which are my favorite.”
He’d even been willing to talk about sex with her, although she wasn’t going to share that with her friends.
“Uh-oh,” Rachel said, glancing at Crissy. “I didn’t see this coming.”
“It was always a possibility,” Crissy told her. “Close proximity, a shared interest, being part of an exciting event. There’s a reason birth rates soar after a blackout.”
Noelle stared at her friends. “What are the two of you talking about?”
“You, honey,” Crissy said. “You’ve got it bad.”
“Got what?” Noelle asked, not sure she wanted to know.
“You’re falling for Dev,” Rachel said kindly. “You have all the signs.”
“What? No! I’m not. I just appreciate how great he is.”
“Him being great is how it starts,” Crissy said.
Noelle refused to believe they were right. She liked Dev—under the circumstances, who wouldn’t? But it didn’t mean anything.
“You’re totally wrong,” she said. “But even if you’re not, what’s the big deal? We’re married. Shouldn’t I at least like the guy?”
“Only if he likes you back,” Crissy said. “The two of you made some pretty specific ground rules. If only one of you is willing to break them, then heartache could be right around the corner. I’d hate to see that happen.”
“I won’t get hurt,” Noelle said. “I like the guy, but that’s not the same as falling in love with him.”
“Keep it that way,” Rachel said. “Love is tricky. Now if you’re talking about breaking the no-sex rule, that’s more interesting.”
Noelle hated that she could already feel herself blushing. She cleared her throat. “Speaking of that,” she said, trying to sound casual, “I’ve been thinking about us, you know, maybe…”
Rachel leaned forward. “Doing the wild thing?”
Noelle groaned. “Don’t say that. It’s just, Jimmy and I, well, it was just the one night and it wasn’t very, you know, good.”
“Now I feel about ninety years old,” Crissy said with a sigh. “I can barely remember my first time. Which isn’t important. Look, technically, you’re married. Of course you’re welcome to have sex with your husband. Just be careful. You already like him. If he dazzles you in bed, you won’t have a chance.”
“I don’t believe that,” Noelle said. “It’s just a bodily function.”
“It can be a lot more,” Rachel told her. “It can be an expression of love that touches every part of you. Crissy’s right. Take care of yourself.”
Noelle wasn’t sure she agreed with their advice. “I’m already pregnant. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Chapter Seven
The doctor’s waiting room was bright, with beautiful prints of mothers holding babies and happy toddlers with balloons or kittens. The seats were comfortable, the music, soft and inspiring.