But she rarely stayed there. Sometimes when Duff was away on a road trip. Every once in a while Jayson used to grumble about it, but because he never seemed to mind hanging around her house she never changed her behavior.
There was also the Duff factor. Jayson loved her father. Anytime they got together it was like watching a kid meet Santa Claus for the first time. Because Duff had also taken on the role as Jayson’s mentor, there was never a lull in their conversation. Jayson wanted to absorb all of Duff’s baseball knowledge. All of hers, as well.
So it made sense that when they hung out, they hung out at her house, where Duff might or might not be, instead of at his apartment alone. Didn’t it?
“I didn’t want you to change your mind and leave without me.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.” Scout grumbled some more, but if she was being honest that was exactly what she’d been thinking when she woke up. Just get in her car and go without him. What would he do? Follow her? Mostly likely not.
“Besides, free bagel and coffee. Best deal I’m going to get today.”
“I toasted,” Samantha proclaimed.
Scout just shook her head and poured a cup of coffee. Then she added as much sugar to it as she could and still call it coffee with sugar, rather than sugar with coffee.
“That’s too much sugar,” Alice said as she walked into the kitchen. She was dressed in a long satin blue robe, but somehow still made it look elegant.
“Great. The gang’s all here,” Scout muttered.
“You shouldn’t put that much sugar in your coffee. It’s not good for you.”
It was an old refrain from her mother, who was always harping at her daughters to eat better. Scout couldn’t count how many times they would argue over it.
“Don’t put too much sugar on your cereal, Scout. It will rot your teeth.”
“Duff always lets me put as much as I want.”
“Well, he’s not here. I am.”
He wasn’t here. She was.
Scout added another spoonful of the sweet granules to her coffee just out of spite. And she smiled as she took a sip even though she had to acknowledge she had crossed the coffee-with-sugar barrier.
“You can continue to be as difficult as you want to be. But I still love you and I’m not going anywhere. Good morning, Jayson.”
“Ma’am,” he said, nodding his head.
Alice sat and addressed Jayson. “I understand my daughter is going back to work today.”
“She is.”
“You’ll watch over her.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” Scout shouted, slamming her mug on the counter. “I’m not an invalid, people. I’m grieving. It sucks but I’m moving on. It’s bad enough Jayson has to babysit me. I don’t need you trying to go all ‘caring mom’ on me.”
At that point Bob also joined them. He was freshly showered and dressed and he kissed his wife on the cheek before looking at Scout.
“She is a caring mom. You should try letting her be that with you sometime. You might like it.”
“Pretty doubtful, Bob,” Scout said, turning her back on both of them. “Are you ready? I need to go.”
Jayson picked up the remainder of his bagel and brought his cup over to the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, Sam. Ma’am, Bob.”
Scout didn’t bother with saying goodbye or letting them know when she planned to be back. It wasn’t as if they were going to sit around and have some kind of family dinner. Scout still could barely handle food. It hadn’t been an issue when her day consisted of lying in her bed and crying. Not a whole lot of calories burned that way.
However, today she was actually going to work. She was going to sit outside in the fresh air and breathe it in. Maybe that would help her appetite. Maybe she was even ready to put her brain toward something that wasn’t thinking about how her life was over without Duff.
With that they left the kitchen and walked down the driveway to her car, except she stopped and Jayson kept walking.
To his car.
It was a nice car. A BMW 3 Series he’d bought when he’d signed his first major contract. It was red and slick and had been the love of his life until he’d met her.
“You don’t seriously think I’m letting you drive?” he asked.
“You never had a problem letting me drive before.”
“Scout, you’ve been a zombie for two weeks. I can’t trust you to keep your attention on the road. We’ve got a good four-hour drive ahead of us.”
He was right. She’d driven to the grocery store and had almost caused an accident when her mind had started to wander. She walked to him and thought about how it was going to feel getting into his car again. If it was going to smell like him and leather and mint because Jayson was a mint gum fanatic.
“I think I might have hit my head,” she said as a way to distract herself. Yes, just the feeling of sliding into the passenger seat brought back the memory of every time they had gone out. Including that first time, to Pete and Jocelyn’s wedding. She’d been excited that night. So filled with anticipation it had practically lifted her off the ground.
“Huh?”
“I’ve been fuzzy with things lately and I think at some point I fell and hit my head. You know, when...he died.”
Jayson looked at her. “You don’t remember if you fell?”
“I know, right? That’s why I think I hit my head. My memory is like totally blank from that day.”
He was looking at her funny. As if he knew something she didn’t. Then he just shook his head. “I think you would know if you hit your head. You would have a bump.”
True. She’d actually felt around for one, but there was nothing. “It’s just that I sort of remember falling. When it happened. But you’re right, I would have a bump. Do you know where we’re going?”
He took out his phone and placed it in the console section of the car. “Yeah, I put the address into the phone.”
Scouting made easy through technology. Just plug in an address and let the GPS plot a route. Scout wondered how the old guys used to track down high schools all over the country.
Jayson looked over at her before he started the car. His smile was faintly nostalgic, and she knew he could feel it, too. The past was reaching out to grab them both and remind them what they used to be once upon a time.
“Just drive,” she said. “And no talking. It’s the only way I’m going to get through this.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With that she turned on the radio to a sports talk station and for hours they listened while grown men called in to fight with the hosts about anything and everything related to sports.
When they reached the first stop, they parked and found the baseball diamond. “Who are we here for?” Jayson asked as they took their seats in the bleachers.
They had made it with plenty of time to spare, even after stopping for lunch along the way. The game was to start immediately after the school day ended at three. Right now they could see some of the players take batting practice on the field.
“Ronny Wells. He’s seventeen and apparently has the stuff. Greg emailed me a profile of him when I