And it was all too much. The table, the tire swing, the horse riding...the man standing in the doorway holding her son. If she stayed, she’d never leave and that simply wasn’t an option.
“I—I have to go.”
She crossed the room, took Mason from Hayes’s arms, but he didn’t move out of her way to let her through.
“Why are you running?”
Keeping her eyes locked on the tire swing outside the back door, Alexa patted Mason’s back and held him tight. “Because I can’t do this. You don’t need me to heal. You seem to be doing fine.”
“I’m not,” he muttered. “I want you here.”
She shifted her focus to him, her eyes locking onto his. “But for how long?”
The muscle in his jaw tightened as silence settled heavy between them. His eyes darted to her mouth, but Alexa couldn’t let him kiss her because she wanted so much more than a kiss.
She wanted to start thinking about a future and moving on, and no one had stirred anything within her like Hayes.
Yet she had to keep her son in the forefront of her thoughts. He needed stability in his life. Not only that, Alexa worried what would happen if Hayes decided family life wasn’t for him. Sure, he was close to his own family, but she was a package deal. He had so many issues to deal with and adding that instant family to the mix hadn’t been on his list.
Plus, she’d kept Scott’s identity to herself. She’d thought they wouldn’t see each other again so she hadn’t brought it up when she’d been at Hayes’s house. Now though, they were seeing each other and that secret hovered between them. Had she just told him when she realized it, maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but enough time had passed that he would feel betrayed by her silence once he found out.
There were just too many barriers between her and the man she wanted. But she was discovering over and over he was the one man she couldn’t have.
Hayes’s father wasn’t looking any better and his mind was being flat-out cruel today. Hayes had visited earlier and was instantly confused for Nolan, but not Nolan now—the Nolan in kindergarten.
Having the most influential man in his life not even recognize him was hell on Hayes. But he couldn’t stay away. No matter how far gone the patriarch was, Hayes had to see his dad, had to talk to him and use him as a sounding board. Now more than ever he wanted his father’s advice, but that hadn’t happened.
His dad had stared out the window and started talking about his wife in the present tense, as if she hadn’t been gone for years. Then he’d turned his attention to Hayes and told him when he grew up, he should find someone to love and settle down and have babies to continue on at Pebblebrook. He went on and on about finding the love of his life, how he almost let her go once but came to his senses and put his pride aside.
Hayes knew all about how his parents had almost lost each other because of his father’s pride. His mother had often reminded him in a joking manner.
Now that he was home, all he wanted to do was ride. He needed to talk to Colt, though. The engineer had been out early this morning and his survey had ended up on Hayes’s property. Hell no. The dude ranch would come to fruition without infringing on his area. That was nonnegotiable.
He pulled up next to the stable and didn’t see Colt, but that didn’t mean anything. After several minutes of searching, Hayes gave up and started walking toward Colt’s house. Finally, he found him in his study on the second floor behind a closed door.
“You hiding from the world?” Hayes asked, closing the door at his back.
Colt didn’t even look up from the computer. “I’m working on this absurd marketing plan. I had it hired out and the damn thing came back looking like an amateur organized it. Annabelle gave me some ideas to fix it, but I’m actually looking for another firm. I don’t want this messed up.”
Hayes crossed the spacious room and took a seat in one of the leather club chairs across from his brother’s desk. “I just came back from seeing Dad.”
That got Colt’s attention. “I was there yesterday. How was he today?”
Shaking his head, Hayes pulled off his hat and propped it on his knee. “He called me Nolan, referred to that time Nolan brought home a Mother’s Day picture he’d made in kindergarten, then he fell into talking about Mom.”
Colt eased back in his seat and sighed. “At least he’s in a good mood when talking about Mom. I’ll take that over the rage any day.”
Hayes hadn’t experienced those days with his father, but he’d heard that sometimes his father demanded to see his home, demanded someone take him to Pebblebrook. On those occasions, he still wasn’t in his right mind. He was confused about where he was and why he wasn’t home. Every day brought a different challenge.
“That’s not why I came,” Hayes stated. “I had a visit from the engineer. He mentioned expanding onto my property.”
Colt eased forward, resting his forearms on the desk. “I never okayed that.”
“Then why was he there?”
Colt shook his head. “He mentioned it to me in the beginning stages. He said there might be more revenue if we spread out over the land.”
“And that was while I was away?” Hayes asked.
“Yeah. But Nolan and I had the area where we wanted the cabins marked off on the map.” Colt narrowed his gaze. “What did he say to you? Because I’d hate to have to find another engineer this late in the game.”
Hayes blew out a breath. “He was nosing more than anything, trying to get a feel from me what I thought. He left knowing exactly where I stand on outsiders on my part of the property.”
The engineer wasn’t the only reason Hayes was in a pissy mood. He was so damn confused about Alexa.
Tonight was the awards ceremony, which he hadn’t mentioned to his family. He honestly didn’t want this to be a big deal. If they found out later, fine. But if they knew now, they’d blow it all up and insist on attending.
He’d invited Alexa because he wanted to be with someone without feeling the pressure of being someone he wasn’t. He wanted a friend.
But she was more than that, wasn’t she? She was so much more and there was no denying he was in deep with her, which ultimately was going to put him in deep with Mason.
Damn it. That little boy was so sweet, so precious. He looked like Alexa and was so loving and free with his affection. When Hayes had been holding him... Even now just thinking about that weight in his arms had Hayes pausing, his heart tightening in fear...and affection.
Colt tipped his head. “Everything else okay?” he asked.
“Getting there.” Hayes didn’t know that he’d ever be the man he was before leaving, but he was slowly making steps to improve himself little by little. Alexa definitely had a hand in his recovery. “I need to head out.”
Hayes came to his feet and slapped his hat back on his head. He had to get back to dress for the ceremony and leave with enough time to pick up Alexa and head to the governor’s mansion, which was nearly two hours away.
“You know we’re all here for you.”
Hayes stilled in the doorway at Colt’s words. He threw a glance over his shoulder. “Yeah. I know.”
The look Colt gave him was that same one he’d had when Hayes had first returned. Pity. When would they stop? When would they start acting like he wasn’t going to shatter?
Hayes