We all see this world in terms of ourselves. We all have interests and needs that need to be met first. This isn’t selfish. Selfish is when you don’t allow others to do their own thing and expect them to conform to what you want. You don’t want people restricting how you get to live your life, so don’t do it to others.
Focusing on yourself is really one of the least selfish things you can do. It puts you in a position to be empathetic to other people who are also trying to focus on themselves. You can develop an “Imma do me, you do you” mindset, which can create an environment that lets people grow on their own terms (scary idea for control freaks).
Instead of trying to find that right person for you, focus on becoming that right person yourself. The people you appreciate will generally be the people who appreciate you so be around them and work on being the type of person you want around.
Putting yourself first is an act of survival as well. We can all easily drain ourselves trying to accommodate the whims of others. We can spend our entire life trying to make other people happy, and realize we have no life left for ourselves.
It’s not romantic to think about how really self-indulgent we all are, but that doesn’t take away from that fact. If you understand that people work according to their interests, it’s even easier to work with them and get along. Everyone wants to know what’s in it for them; respect this ideal and everyone will benefit from the interactions.
Selfish isn’t pursuing what you want in life, it’s when you’re not also helping others in theirs. We all have things and people we’re enthusiastic about—help them, and find joy in doing so. I’m a product of all your support and I appreciate you all for it. I’m not in a position to help everyone, nor am I motivated to do so, so I focus on those I can and want to help. Social obligations and being around people you don’t want to be around are just a waste of life.
It’s OK to let people know that you’re not excited to be around them; if anything, that’ll keep you from having to be around them for much longer.
The world isn’t fair—never was, never will be.
To expect reciprocity for being a good person is like sticking your hand in the cage of a lioness and expecting her not to bite your arm off, because, after all, you wouldn’t do that to her.
If you want to be a good person, be a good person. If you want to be just, treat all fairly, and live in peace and harmony, go right ahead. However, please do not think that these lifestyle choices ensure or entitle you to the same in return.
Only in the movies do the good guys win; by that I mean only in the movies do we actually have good guys. In the real world, things cannot be simplified into good and bad so easily. Almost every privilege we have is the result of the exploitation of others. If the quality of life you are afforded—you being the person who has electricity and internet access—was provided to everyone on the planet, we would need a few extra planets. Our nature has become one of abundance and consumption, and that way of life, as fifteen thousand years of human history has shown, doesn’t come without a few cracked skulls.
The point I’m here to make isn’t one of pessimism but more of realism. Most of the problems the inhabitants of this planet are experiencing are caused by its inhabitants (well, not the bunny rabbits, or dolphins, or scorpions—mostly the humans). Before we start solving these problems, we have to stop causing them, thus no longer benefiting from them. Everyone is guided by self-interests, and on top of that, those interests are so different. Those interests not only overlap, but conflict with others, like those silly Iraqis who somehow stumbled upon OUR oil. Conflicting interests lead to conflict. Conflict can lead to death, and when humans are involved, death is the least of the creative things we concoct when dealing with individuals who stand in our way. Humans aren’t the only creatures that exhibit war and murderous behavior; we’ve just spent the most time perfecting that art.
Now, maybe we’re all just not praying hard enough, or sinning too much, and our endlessly loving lord is showing the errors of our ways through intense but love-filled acts of violence, famine, and other non-pleasantries. Maybe it’s the devil (who by most accounts is a fallen angel), or maybe we should pay a bit more attention when we watch the nature channel and see the baby antelope get eaten alive by a pack of lions, and see in them what we so greatly wish to ignore in ourselves.
Most of us are fortunate not to be in geographical locations or economic scenarios that land us on the front lines of humanity’s worst. That’s something I try not to forget, and it’s a point I’m grateful for.
Sikh heritage advocates that individuals stay armed and trained for combat at all times, regardless if they’re men, women, or children. In all combat, understanding your terrain is essential (word to Sun Tzu).
Folks like 50 Cent and the homey Ryan Blair were able to take their embedded understanding of the harsh terrain of street life and apply it to their business ventures. They both found success working with the challenges instead of against them. These are two individuals you won’t hear complain; instead you’ll witness them adapt until they conquer.
The strongest don’t survive; the most adaptable do. When life is viewed this way, nothing is seen as an obstruction, but merely an obstacle to overcome.
Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. —Bruce Lee
The better our relationship is with reality, the better we can get along and live together. It may not be pretty, but it’s all we have.
Also, everyone you love and care for will be dead within a dozen decades, some even before you. Why does thinking about that bother us so much?
What other guarantees do we have in life besides death? When folks die, how do we determine if they went too early? Is it based on the average? Does it even make sense to quantify life in terms of time?
“It’s not the days in your life, but the life in your days.”
For many of us, there is a disconnect in our relationship with death. We tend to forget that our days are not promised. Every day you receive is a gift, whether