Whenever I have issues or find myself feeling uneasy or hesitant, I ask myself, “What are you afraid of?” Answering that question clarifies who I am, and it’s the first step to overcoming that fear. In most cases, what I fear is dramatically worse than the reality of the situation.
As I go through these adventures being a public figure and hear every opinion across the spectrum, everything I ever feared people would think of me, they already have. Yet here I am, still breathing, beard still soft, rhymes only getting better, learning lessons even quicker. I’ve seen people dig themselves out of holes a million times worse than some of my created phobias.
No one is fearless, but the bravest people I know are those who are most in tune with their fears and phobias and have decided not to let them get in the way of their happiness.
As always, this is going to require you to have a conversation with yourself to discover these fears. Identifying them will be the first step to conquering them.
In the thickest New York accent you can imagine, one old lady says to another, “Let’s have strawberry shortcake to celebrate another day on Earth.” When the cake arrives the lady asks the waitress, “Did you remember to take out the calories?”
It was a Golden Girls moment (word to Sikh Knowledge), and it also reminded me of the never-ending power we have to paint the world we want to see.
There’s a lot of bullshit in the world. I’ve spent the majority of my artistic existence trying to shine a light on that bullshit. A result of doing so required me to dig deeper into issues, and myself, if I ever wanted to have anything new to say, without sounding like a (complete) hypocrite, with opinions on issues we all contribute to.
I learned a lot about how truth has no place in a world where people only want to see two sides: their side and the other side. The world is ten shades of grey, but that’s not very convenient for those who want to see in black and white, since that’s how they choose to paint the picture.
As humans, we seek affirmation over information. In simpler terms, we look for evidence to support what we already believe, and subconsciously ignore the things that contradict that. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If we didn’t have a device in our brains to ignore what we thought irrelevant, we’d be overloaded with redonkulous amounts of information that come at us every second of the day.
This can be a bit damaging if you’re married to an idea, and the repetition of information and people that validate that idea are all things you choose to expose yourself to (those are the key ingredients to your comfort zone). On top of that, it can be dramatically worse if the view you have of the world is that it is nothing but shit. Simply put, if you think life sucks, life will suck, and you’ll ignore your full fridge, running water, access to the internet, and ability to have leisure time to even contemplate how much life sucks.
Do you focus on the people who love you, or the ones who won’t return your calls? Do you share your problems or your joys with people? Realize, every thought you have is a brushstroke on the world you see. None of this negates the extreme issues the world is facing, but let’s not lose sight that many, if not most, of these issues were always in existence. Even viewing these issues is an opportunity for you to find some additional gratitude in the life you have, and motivation to spread some beauty, even if it’s on a local level.
The only reason you’re not good enough is because you’re thinking it. When I went to the Tim Burton exhibition, the first thing they showed was a rejection letter he received early in his career. He didn’t let that circumstance change the picture he was painting.
The old lady came up with the idea of ordering the strawberry shortcake after hearing another table sing “Happy Birthday” to their friend. She found inspiration in their celebration and found an excuse to celebrate herself.
Make an excuse to be happy right now and start painting with those thoughts. Your life is art, a work in progress, at that, and it’s only complete when you’re dead. Every day is a new day to see it the way you want.
Relationships can be a death trap for dependencies.
I’m not talking solely about romantic relationships, I’m talking the whole shebang: professional, friends, creative, family, etc.
I’m not anti-relationship, I’m just pro–watch-out-for-developing-dependencies-in-your-relationship. When we put the key to our happiness in the pocket of others, we’re now at their mercy. Not all folks are looking to exploit the power they’ve been granted, but shit still tends to happen.
The most important relationship you have is with yourself—simple. Putting the responsibility of your smiles on anyone else will often lead to the opposite, and you have no one to blame except yourself. This anti-victim mentality isn’t popular because people don’t enjoy the onus, but it’s probably the only way to ensure a long-standing, healthy ability to have meaningful relationships.
We’ve cheapened the word love to the point that it’s common for someone to say they love you, and then no longer mean it a short time later. What is love really? Does a mother fall out of love with her child? If the dynamics of any relationship change, what usually causes it?
One answer is expectations. The love we seek is generally riddled with conditions, but the fairy tales make us feel that it’s unconditional. Respecting the fact that relationships are based on conditions may not be the most romantic, but it is the most realistic.
I encourage you to be independent—not because I want you to be, but because you already are. We’re born alone and die alone, and again, though it lacks romance, putting your relationship with yourself first dramatically enhances your ability to have relationships with others.
Dependencies aren’t healthy, whether on a substance, an idea, or another human being. In this sense, wanting less results in having more. Again, I’m not an idealist. In our daily lives we have to depend on people for things to get done, but if we acknowledge the dependencies early, it cushions the blow dramatically if expectations aren’t met. It can also serve to motivate us to be in a position to further reduce the dependencies we can survive without.
I’m not advocating a life of complete isolation and simplicity. I’ve always had a life rich with people and complexity, but at the same time I do find peace in simplifying and cleaning out the clutter.
I also know that if you’re not happy with yourself, nothing can compensate to fill that void.