It doesn’t last, but is it supposed to? Does it make sense to be happy ALL the time? If you were happy all the time, would we even know what happiness was anymore?
Improve your relationship with all your emotions because there’s a lot to discover from them. I’m grateful that I have a variety of emotions. They teach me something new about myself on a regular basis.
We hide the darkness with our smiles, feel lonely in crowded rooms, and become so accustomed to these feelings that we begin to believe they’re a part of who we are.
They’re not. You won’t be the same person if you let them go, you’ll be better.
People who aren’t happy with what they have won’t be happy with what they get. This mindset can be both beneficial and burdensome. Some folks find happiness in the pursuit itself and are grateful for the opportunity.
Personally, I’m not looking to be happy all the time, nor do I want to be satisfied and content. I enjoy an ambitious hunger, and as long as I’m moving forward, learning, sharing, and growing, I’ll be grateful for every nugget that comes my way, whether it be shit or gold.
What are you grateful for?
Unhappiness is simply when the picture in your head doesn’t match the picture in front of you. Some folks aren’t happy because they don’t have what they want, or they aren’t where they wish to be. Some just feel horrible about themselves. Maybe they’re comparing themselves to others, or even a former version of themselves. Either way, the simple equation is the mismatch of how you want it with how it is.
How you want it isn’t set in stone. Most of us have wanted something for a long time, and once receiving it, realize it wasn’t all that, and what we had propped up in our mind was an inflated sense of euphoria or contentment. Wanting less will definitely make you happier than getting more.
How it is isn’t set in stone either. We see what we choose. Most of the improvements I’ve made in my life this past year came from tweaking the way I saw the things that were always around me. I stopped seeing my mistakes as failures but rather as valuable (or expensive) lessons. Roadblocks became speed bumps and hurdles. Reasons to quit became reasons to adapt (or motivation to smash through).
Let’s not get it twisted—I’m not a Zen Buddha baby. Bellyaching is still an art to me, and I complain about things that make first world problems look legit. I do, however, only give myself about ten minutes to be a Sad Panda before I move forward. I ask myself, “How did you want it?,” re-evaluate how it is, and try to tweak and adjust both to bring them a bit closer together.
Expectations are a bigger enemy to our happiness than our circumstances; the fewer expectations you have, the better off you are. Couple that with a Positive Pete set of goggles and things will feel even a bit more smile-worthy.
It’s also important to remember that everlasting happiness is a concept only promised by preachers and infomercials. It’s healthy to have a myriad (that’s a smart word for “a bunch”) of emotions occupying the hotel of your heart. Welcome them all in, and experience them the way they’re meant to be (just clean up afterwards). You’ll also realize the relationships between them. The less things anger you, the less things will excite you. The less things make you cry, the less things will make you laugh. Different life experiences are going to break barriers within you and you’ll respond emotionally to things you never connected to before (like getting all teary-eyed every time you watch the end of that Fresh Prince episode when his pops bails on him *sniff*).
The next time you’re having a Sad Panda moment can be the next time you ask yourself about the picture in your head and the picture in front of you. That moment of realization and discovery will put you in a position of power to mold both ends to bring them closer together. It works better than junk food—sometimes, that is.
PLEASE NOTE: Emotions are related to chemicals in your brain and a few paragraphs from a rhyming Beardo may not suffice. Don’t ever be afraid to seek help if you start to feel helpless and overwhelmed. I have, and it has helped a lot.
Fear is a gift.
I’m talking about the fear we have that gives us a jolt when in danger. The jolt gives us either what’s necessary to deal with that danger, or what’s necessary to get the fuck out of the way. That type of fear is something we only feel in the present, and it generally lasts for a short time.
Humans are funny creatures because we can carry fears even when out of danger. If you’ve ever been a victim of a crime you know how it lingers and disrupts the normalcy of your life for quite some time. It messes with your sleep, keeps you on edge in seemingly safe situations, and can serve to paralyze you when you try to move forward.
On top of that, we have this awesome (remembering that the word awesome doesn’t always mean a good thing) ability to create fear, not only in ourselves, but also in others. These fears include (but aren’t limited to) fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of embarrassment, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of truth. These fears are technically considered phobias because they’re irrational and don’t actually involve danger.
Asking that girl for her number and having her reply with an “eww no” isn’t going to be the end of your existence. It may feel shitty, and the desire to not feel shitty may keep you from asking her. The same way the fear of disappointing others keeps you from switching out of biology class into a modern dance class, dating outside your bubble, or leaving your job as a teacher to be a rap singer.
These phobia-type fears aren’t gifts like the adrenaline rush you get when the car in front of you stops suddenly and you need to react tout de suite. That adrenaline goes away after a few minutes since it has served its purpose. Phobias only seem to grow in magnitude and multiply.
We all have these phobias, and the ones we carry are as unique as we are. As a mass of people, we can have collective phobias, and these phobias have been exploited and used to control us like lab rats for decades (word to Edward Bernays).
We avoid those feelings by playing it safe, or playing along. Our fear of exclusion motivates our assimilation. Our fear of not being noticed motivates our loud behavior. Our fear of loneliness motivates the personal sacrifices and compromises we think are necessary to be accepted by others. We’re all doing the same dance but think we’re in it alone because we’re moving to different music.
The courage we need to develop is not the knight-in-shining-armor, super-duper-confidence-unfazed courage. It’s the recognition of what we fear, and deciding that even with the tiniest baby steps, we move forward despite it. What you fear isn’t the roadblock; allowing the fear to keep you from moving is the real