It felt totally different now.
Her heart was thudding so hard it hurt. Her mouth was dry. Her legs felt like jelly. She didn’t think she’d ever felt this nervous before. Fizzing with both fear and a glorious anticipation. She wanted this, even if it scared her senseless.
Chase turned to her, his expression serious. Thoughtful. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, waited for him to take over. Make her stop thinking.
He didn’t do anything. She opened her eyes. ‘What are you waiting for?’
He smiled. ‘Sorry, Scary, this isn’t the Chase Bryant Show.’
‘You want me to do something?’
‘I know you’d rather I just did everything, but since when have I ever let you have it easy?’
She let out a trembling huff of laughter. ‘Sorry. It’s... It’s been a long time.’
‘I kind of figured that out.’
She closed her eyes again, this time in embarrassment. With her eyes closed, she couldn’t see him but she felt him step closer, felt the whisper of his fingers as he brushed her cheek, tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘Telling you to relax isn’t going to do a thing, is it?’ She shook her head, felt Chase’s hesitation. ‘You sure you want to do this, Millie? You know you could back out now. I wouldn’t— Well, yeah, I’d mind, but I’d understand. This is big for you. And scary. I get that.’
A hot lump of emotion lodged in her throat. Speaking was impossible. She just shook her head, eyes still closed. She heard Chase’s soft breathing, felt his fingers gently brush her cheek again.
Finally she opened her eyes. He looked so concerned and tender as he gazed down at her that her heart seemed to seize up. Her emotions were fully engaged, much more than she’d ever intended or wanted. And, even though it terrified her, she knew bone-deep that she really did want this. She craved it. Not just the physical release, but the emotional intensity. Intimacy. How scary was that?
‘I might not be doing much,’ she whispered, ‘but I’m not trying to leave, am I?’
‘No. You’re not. And thank God for that.’ Slowly, deliberately, he drew her towards him, his hands cradling her face. Her heart pounded. This was it. He was going to kiss her, and then...
‘Stop thinking, Scary.’
‘I can’t help it,’ she groaned. ‘I can’t turn my mind off.’
‘I realise.’
‘I want to turn it off, Chase. I want to forget. I want to forget everything.’ Her mouth was a whisper away from his. He gazed down at her, his eyes warm and soft with compassion as his thumbs stroked her jaw bone.
‘But then you’ll just have to remember again.’
‘Just for a little while. I want to forget for a little while.’ She drew in a shaky breath. ‘Please. Make me forget. Make me forget everything.’
He smiled faintly even though she saw a shadow of concern in his eyes. ‘That’s kind of a tall order.’
‘You’re the only one who can.’ And she knew she spoke the truth. ‘Please. Whatever it takes.’
In answer he kissed her, his lips brushing hers once, twice, as if getting the sense of her before he suddenly delved deep and she felt that kiss straight down to her soul. Shocks of pleasure and excitement sizzled along her nerve endings and she surrendered to that kiss, kissing him back, hands curling around his shoulders, nails digging in.
Yet even as she surrendered her mind took a step back. She started thinking. It was as if that kiss had taken over every part of her body and mind except that one dark corner where the memories crouched, waited till she was vulnerable to attack.
You never kissed Rob like this.
You shouted at him before he left for the last time.
You didn’t kiss Charlotte goodbye. You didn’t even look at her.
‘Easy, Millie.’ She opened her eyes and realised she’d been standing rigid, her nails like claws in Chase’s shoulders.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘So am I.’ Gently he unhooked her hands from his shoulders. ‘You were doing some serious thinking there.’ Chase stared at her for a moment, and then he took her by the hand and led her to the bed. He stripped off his shirt and dropped his shorts. Millie blinked. She’d seen him naked yesterday, but he was still magnificent. Beautiful, everything taut and sculpted and golden-brown.
‘Now I’m naked,’ he said.
‘Clearly.’
‘You still have your clothes on.’
‘I’m aware.’
‘I’m going to take them off.’
Her heart turned over. ‘OK,’ she said. He’d seen her naked yesterday, but that had been her choice. Her action. Now, as she stood still and he reached for the buttons on her shirt, she knew it was his. She’d just relinquished a little bit of control, just as he wanted her to. As she wanted to, even if it was so incredibly hard.
Deftly Chase’s fingers undid the buttons on her polo shirt. ‘Raise your arms,’ he said, and she did. He slipped the shirt over her head, tossed it aside. Millie glanced down at the plain white cotton bra she wore; the straps were frayed. Why had she never indulged in sexy underwear? ‘We’ll leave that on for now,’ Chase said, his mouth quirking in a small smile. ‘I kind of like it.’
She practically snorted in disbelief. ‘You like my old, plain white bra?’
‘I know; weird, huh? But I’ve seen plenty of push-up monstrosities. This doesn’t pretend or hide.’ He touched her chin, tilting her face so she had to meet his gaze. ‘Unlike you.’
‘My bra is more honest than I am?’ she huffed.
‘Pretty much,’ he said, and undid the snap on her capris.
Millie’s breath caught in her chest as Chase slid them down her legs. His touch was feather-light and swift, hardly a practised caress. And yet she felt as if she burned where his fingers had so briefly touched her. He sank to his knees as he balanced her with one hand while he used the other to help her out of the capris, then tossed them over with the shirt.
She was in her underwear. Again.
And he was naked, on his knees in front of her.
She tried not to gulp too loudly as she gazed down at him, all burnished, sleek muscle. Slowly, so slowly, he slid his hands up her legs and then held her by the hips, his palms seeming to burn right through the thin cotton of her underwear as his fingers slid over her butt. She let out a stifled cry as he brought his mouth close to the juncture of her thighs and she tensed, anticipating his touch, fearing the intensity of her own response. But he didn’t touch her, just let his breath fan over her, and that was enough.
Her knees buckled.
She felt Chase’s smile and he stood up. ‘Better,’ he said, and she let out a wobbly laugh. Sensation fizzed inside her. The fear lessened, replaced by a warm, honeyed desire.
Then her mind started going into hyperdrive again, memories, thoughts and fears tumbling around like a washer on spin cycle.
‘Stop thinking.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Then I’ll have to help you.’
‘Yes.’ Please.
Wordlessly he tugged her hand and led her to the bed. Her mind was still spinning relentlessly, and she had a sudden picture of her bed back in New York, her and Rob’s bed, all hospital corners and starched duvet, and how she’d