She swung round, ignoring him when he called her name. She didn’t want to listen to him any more, didn’t want to see him, to be tempted in any way at all. She had to think about Beatrix and the effect it would have on her in the future if she found out that her father was a liar.
She re-joined the wedding party, nodding when Polly asked her if she was all right. She wasn’t all right, by any means, but she wouldn’t say so, wouldn’t ruin her friend’s special day. Polly deserved this after everything she had been through. She deserved every second of happiness that came her way. She had found the man she loved and he loved her too—their future was rosy and golden and would be filled with joy. Just as hers should have been if Callum hadn’t stopped loving her.
The tears came then, hot and bitter as they streamed down her face, but she wasn’t the only one crying. Weddings were an emotional time and a lot of the guests were shedding a tear or two. Beth dried her eyes then took her place on the church steps while the photographs were taken, smiling and pretending to be full of joy on this happy day while inside she felt devastated and angry and so very alone.
She glanced towards the lich gate but there was no sign of Callum. Whether he would seek her out again, she had no idea. It didn’t really matter. Nothing he said could make up for what he had done, no excuses about letters taking months to reach him would change things. The fact was that he had left her, left her when she had needed him most of all. And that was the only thing that counted.
* * *
Callum had managed to book himself a room in the local pub. He carried his bag up the narrow staircase and opened the bedroom door. The room was small and rather cramped with double dormer roofs taking up most of the ceiling space but he didn’t care. It was somewhere to sleep tonight because one thing was certain: he wouldn’t be sleeping in Beth’s bed!
Frustration ate away at him as he tossed his bag onto the bed. Maybe he hadn’t expected red carpet treatment but he had hoped for a better reception than that. It was obvious that Beth wasn’t going to forgive him in a hurry and it made him see how foolish he’d been to hope that she would. He sighed wearily. Had he really thought that he could win her round with a few well-chosen words? That he could tell Beth what had happened and that she would just accept it? He must have been living in cloud cuckoo land if he had!
No way was this going to be easy. He would have to work at it, gain her trust, make her understand that he hadn’t ignored her or their baby, and then convince her that he wanted to be involved in their lives.
Fear trickled coldly down his spine at the thought. He knew nothing about what it took to be a father, did he? Most people learned the art from their own father but he certainly wasn’t going to use his as a role model. He would be batting in the dark, striking out this way and that in the hope that he would somehow discover how to be a good parent. What if he failed? What if he tried his best but still couldn’t measure up to the role? He couldn’t bear to imagine the harm it might cause his daughter if he flunked it. His heart caught. He couldn’t bear to imagine Beth’s contempt either if that happened.
* * *
Beth collected Beatrix from the childminder’s house and took her home. Polly had wanted her to take the baby to the church but Beth had decided not to risk it. At almost ten months old Beatrix was attempting to walk and soon became frustrated if she was made to sit still for any length of time. The thought of her daughter creating a fuss during the service had made Beth decide to leave her with Alison, the childminder. Now she was doubly glad that she had. She still wasn’t sure if she was going to allow Callum to see her. After all, if he had been that interested in his daughter then he would have been in touch before now, although, according to Callum, it hadn’t been his fault, had it?
The thought nagged away at her as she got Beatrix ready for bed. The little girl loved water and Beth let her splash away in the bath for longer than usual. She rarely spent any time apart from her and she had missed her that day, although she would have to get used to being without her. She was due to return to work in a couple of weeks’ time now that her maternity leave was coming to an end and Beatrix would be looked after by Alison. While Beth knew the other woman would take good care of her, it would be a wrench to leave her. Still, it was what she had to do if she was to provide for her daughter. Maybe Beatrix was destined to have only one parent but Beth didn’t intend that she would miss out, financially or emotionally.
Her mouth thinned as she lifted Beatrix out of the bath and wrapped her in a towel. One loving parent was more than enough and far better than having someone unreliable in her life like Callum!
* * *
The pub served food so Callum had something to eat then went back up to his room. He had spent almost thirty-six hours on the go and he was bone-tired. He desperately needed to sleep and lay down on the bed, fully clothed, but he couldn’t settle. He kept thinking about what had happened with Beth and knew that he wouldn’t be able to rest until he had resolved at least some of the issues with her.
In the end, he got up and left the pub, taking his time as he walked to the cottage. He had no idea what he was going to say to her when he got there but he needed to convince Beth that he had been telling the truth about her letter failing to reach him for so long. At least, it would be a start if he could do that, a small step towards convincing her about all the rest. Despite what she thought, he did care about their daughter. He cared a lot, far more than he would have expected, in fact. He had a child and even though he had never really wanted a family of his own, he intended to do his very best for her...
If only Beth would let him.
The thought felt like a lead weight inside him. Callum was very aware that Beth would have the deciding vote when it came to a decision about his input into their daughter’s life. Bearing in mind how she had reacted earlier, it seemed unlikely that she would let him have anything to do with her, and he was devastated at the thought that he might not be able to play any part in his child’s life.
He stopped outside the cottage, wondering how best to approach this. He might only get this one chance and he couldn’t afford to waste it. Maybe it had hurt to be treated so coldly by Beth before but his feelings didn’t matter. It was his daughter who mattered, the child he and Beth had conceived against all the odds that last night.
Callum found his thoughts winging back to that night and he shuddered. He had only gone to see Beth because the papers finalising their divorce had come through that morning. For some reason he still couldn’t explain, he had felt that he’d had to acknowledge the ending of their marriage in person. What he had never expected was that they would end up in bed together. He had honestly thought that their desire for one another had died, but that night it had felt just like it had in the beginning. The feel of her hands on his skin, the brush of her lips against his, had transformed their lovemaking into something magical. Special. Something he had never felt before and knew he wouldn’t feel again.
His heart ached with a sudden searing pain. He had loved her so much and knew that she had loved him too—how could they have lost sight of that?
Beth tiptoed to the nursery window. Beatrix had fallen asleep and she didn’t want to wake her. Reaching up, she went to draw the curtains then paused when she caught sight of Callum standing outside. Her heart leapt even though she’d half expected that he would seek her out again. All of a sudden, she wasn’t sure what to do. If she let him in then he would only repeat what he had said earlier and she couldn’t see any point in that. He had claimed that it had taken months for her letter to reach him but did she believe him? If he could lie about loving her then he could lie about that too!
Beth felt a wave of anger wash over her as she drew the curtains then made her way downstairs. Opening the front door, she stared, stony-faced, at the man standing outside on the step. He had his hand raised in readiness to knock and she glared at him. ‘Beatrix is asleep and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t wake her up.’
‘Oh. Right.’
He looked momentarily disconcerted, which was rare for him. Callum’s confidence was one of the things that had attracted her to him when they had first met.