‘Almost ten months,’ Beth replied tightly. ‘Although if you hadn’t been so busy saving the world then you wouldn’t need to ask that, Callum.’
‘That isn’t true!’ He ran his hands through his thick dark brown hair, feeling them trembling as he tried to picture what Beatrix looked like. Was she dark like him or fair like Beth? It was impossible to guess and before he could ask, Beth carried on.
‘Oh, I think it is true, but you just don’t want to admit it.’ She stared back at him, unwilling to give him the benefit of the doubt. Even though he understood why she refused to accept that he was telling the truth, it still hurt. ‘If you’d cared back then, you would have contacted me. Even a text message would have been better than nothing, but you couldn’t even spare the time for that. The fact that I was expecting our child meant nothing to you, did it, Callum?’
‘Of course it did!’ He grasped hold of her hands, his fingers biting into hers as he willed her to believe him. ‘It was what we’d wanted for so long, Beth. What we’d struggled to achieve...’
He broke off, obviously recalling what a struggle it had been, Beth thought sadly. She had always wanted a family. Coming from a close and loving family herself, she had never even considered the idea that conceiving a child of her own might prove to be a problem. With two older sisters, who both had children, she had simply assumed that she would have them too. However, as the months had passed, and she had failed to get pregnant, it had seemed increasingly unlikely that she would ever achieve her dream of becoming a mother.
Callum had never been as keen on the idea of them having a child, however. Although he had gone along with her desire to have a baby, she knew it had been more to please her than out of a genuine need to have a family of his own. She had told herself that it didn’t matter, that he would love their child every bit as much as she did when it arrived. She had been so sure it was the right thing for them to do that she had set aside her doubts when the consultant had suggested they try fertility treatment.
Had she been wrong to do so? she wondered suddenly. Wrong to force him into a course of action that he had been reluctant to take? There was no doubt that the strain of keeping to the gruelling regime had put intense pressure on their relationship. Lovemaking had changed from being an expression of their feelings for each other to a duty, passion no longer dictated by their mutual desire but by the readings on a thermometer.
Was it any wonder that Callum had resented it? That they had argued? With the benefit of hindsight, Beth could see that there had been faults on both sides, but it didn’t alter the fact that it had been Callum who had called a halt, Callum who had decided that he didn’t want to be with her any more, Callum who had asked her for a divorce. If he had loved her, really loved her, then he would never have left her. He would have stayed.
CALLUM COULD FEEL his insides quivering. First there was the shock of thinking that Beth was getting married again and now this. Her hostility was palpable even though he could tell that she was doing her best not to show how angry she felt. That in itself hurt because she had never hidden her feelings before. Whatever Beth had felt, she had been completely open about it.
When she had fallen in love with him, she hadn’t tried to hide it, the same as she hadn’t tried to hide her distress when their marriage had ended. To know that he was responsible for such a change in her was incredibly painful but he couldn’t allow himself to be sidetracked. He had come here for a specific purpose and he had to focus on that. Beth wasn’t going to believe a word he said unless he managed to convince her that he was telling the truth.
‘Look, Beth, I know how it must appear but the situation isn’t as straightforward as you think,’ he began.
‘Save it, Callum. I’ve already told you that I’m not interested.’ Her tone was cold, indifferent even, and something inside him died a little. Even anger was preferable to this total lack of interest. ‘You’ve had months to contact me and never bothered. So why should I listen to you now just because you’ve suddenly decided it’s time we talked?’
‘Because you don’t understand!’
He let go of her hands, feeling the pain of her rejection biting deep into his soul. Heaven knew, he had enough experience of being rejected to recognise it. His parents had never really wanted him. They had both been high-flyers, dedicated to their work, and his unscheduled arrival had been viewed as a disruption to their busy lives.
He had been brought up by a succession of nannies until he was old enough to be sent away to boarding school. Holidays had been a nightmare; both his mother and his father had made it clear that they resented having to waste time entertaining him. It had been a relief to them all when he had been old enough to go away on his own. Skiing trips, diving holidays—he’d done the lot and enjoyed them too. At least he hadn’t felt like a burden. People were being paid to look after him and that made it easier.
The ties had been completely severed by the time he went to university. Apart from the obligatory birthday and Christmas cards, he had no contact with them these days. He didn’t miss them; it was impossible to miss something he had never had.
However, they had taught him a valuable lesson, which was that no one should have a child unless they were prepared to put it first. That was why he’d had reservations when Beth had suggested they should have a baby. He had been afraid that he wouldn’t measure up as a parent, that the genes he had inherited would affect his ability to be a proper father to their child, but he had allowed himself to be persuaded because it was what Beth had wanted so desperately.
Would he have agreed if he’d had any idea how hard it would be? he wondered suddenly. How agonising it would be to watch her suffer such terrible disappointment, month after month, when she had failed to get pregnant? Of course he wouldn’t! He had loved her to distraction and it was unthinkable that he would have allowed her to go through that kind of torment.
That was why he had called a halt and asked her for a divorce. Maybe Beth believed that he had done it for his own sake but it wasn’t true. He simply couldn’t bear to see her torturing herself any longer. How ironic that after all they had been through, she should have fallen pregnant that last night they had slept together.
‘What is there to understand? I wrote to tell you I was pregnant and you didn’t reply. That says it all.’ She shrugged, her expression so cold when Callum forced his mind back to the present that he felt chilled to the bone. It was hard to believe that Beth could look at him that way.
‘But I never received your letter!’ he protested.
‘Then why are you here?’ she shot back and he felt relief surge through him when he heard the stirrings of anger in her voice. It was better to be upbraided than be treated with such indifference.
‘What I meant was that I never received it for months. I was in Africa, travelling around while I helped set up a new malaria programme, and somehow it never caught up with me.’ He looked deep into her eyes, willing her to believe him. ‘It only reached me last month and as soon as I read it, I made arrangements to fly back to England. I got here as fast as I could, Beth—I swear.’
Beth wanted to believe him, she wanted it with a desperation that defied all logic. She had sworn that she would never allow herself to be swayed by anything Callum said but, staring into his deep brown eyes, it was so very tempting... The sound of bells ringing broke the spell. Beth stepped back, her breath coming in fast little spurts as she realised how close she had come to breaking her own promise. Surely she had learned her lesson after what had happened between them? Learned never to believe a word Callum said? If he