Simone jiggled with delight. ‘I haven’t had one of those in ages.’
‘Oh, those evil things,’ Leo said. He raised one hand. ‘A couple over here too, ma’am, if you please.’
‘Emma?’ my mother said.
‘Oh, Emma doesn’t eat in snake form,’ Simone said dismissively.
‘Good. More for us,’ my father said with a wink.
‘Why not? That means you never eat while you’re up here in Shangri-La,’ my mother said. ‘That’s just silly, Emma.’
‘Yeah, she goes for days at a time without eating,’ Simone said through a mouthful of chocolate biscuit. ‘She’s probably starving right now; she’s been up on the Celestial for three days and hasn’t eaten a thing.’
‘So go find me a live rat or a bird,’ I said softly.
They were all silent at that.
The doorbell rang and my mother’s face lit up. ‘There’s Jen now.’
My sister Jennifer and my friend Louise came in. Jennifer grimaced when she saw me, but Louise came right up and tapped me on the head.
‘That you?’ she said.
‘No, I’m a wild, venomous python and I’m going to eat you,’ I said.
‘Cool, it is you,’ Louise said, and sat at the table. ‘Oh my God, are those Tim Tams?’
‘Help yourself, love,’ my mother said, and Louise didn’t need to be asked twice.
Jennifer stayed on the opposite side of the room from me, her face rigid with restraint. ‘Uh, hi, Emma. Good to see you.’
‘I didn’t know you had a snake phobia,’ I said.
Jen grimaced again. ‘Sort of.’
‘Chicken,’ Louise said with a grin. ‘Emma’s not gonna hurt you, Jen. Oh,’ she turned to face me, ‘the reason we’re here is to invite you to a party in the main part of the palace tonight. Can you come? A lot of the girls would love to meet you.’
I hesitated. Simone was right: I was starving and couldn’t wait to get home to eat. But it would be fun to spend some time with the girls. ‘Sure.’
‘Cool. Oh, and by the way,’ Louise leaned closer to me and grinned, ‘pythons aren’t venomous.’
‘Just mention the Nemesis and this one becomes extremely venomous,’ Simone said, still munching on the biscuit. ‘It’s just like a Harlequin romance: she hates him but he pursues her, sure that one day she’ll see exactly how great he really is.’
‘He’d be great turning green and foaming at the mouth,’ I said quietly.
‘See?’ Simone said with triumph. ‘Venomous!’
The party was held in the Tiger’s Grand Audience Hall, which was filled with wives of about the same age as Louise — most of them wearing skin-tight miniskirts — together with many of the Elite Seraglio Guards, some in uniform and some in designer outfits, obviously off-duty. A dance floor had been set up at one end of the hall, complete with disco ball and laser lights. One of the Tiger’s sons had set up double turntables and was acting as DJ. I felt the music vibrating through the floor beneath my coils.
Louise and Jen guided me out through the French doors along the side of the hall into the garden decked with coloured fairy lights. A buffet had been set up here, and many of the wives stood around eating or sat at the tables on the lawn.
‘Isn’t this awesome?’ Louise said. ‘We have one of these every couple of weeks; we alternate with the twenty-somethings. Sometimes the Tiger wanders in and then it gets really wild.’
A trio of giggling women approached us cautiously.
‘Excuse me, but are you, like, Emma?’ one of them said.
I bowed my head slightly. ‘Yes, I’m Emma.’
‘The Dark Lady? The real one?’
‘That’d be me.’
‘We were wondering,’ she glanced at her two friends, ‘if there was, like, anything you need? Anything we could do for you? How about some PR work or secretarial stuff?’
‘I can type,’ one of her friends said.
‘I worked in a fashion magazine before I met the Tiger,’ the other one added. ‘I can help out if you need it.’
‘Why would you want to work for me?’ I said, suspicious. Then I realised what they were after. ‘No, I’m sorry, I won’t tell the Tiger to give you more time if you do things for me. I don’t work like that.’
‘How about I share my skills as a personal shopper and you have a quick word with Tigger on my behalf?’ the first girl said.
‘I think I just said no,’ I said.
‘Louise,’ one of them said in a drawn-out whine, ‘tell her to get us more time with him. We’ll let you in on the deal.’
‘Honey,’ Louise said, ‘she won’t even talk to him on my behalf and I’m supposed to be her best friend.’
Another group of wives approached, five of them this time. ‘Is this Emma?’ one said.
‘Yeah,’ replied one of the women from the first group. ‘The real one.’
‘Hey,’ said one of the newcomers, ‘I just wanted to say thank you. You helped us all out and we appreciate it.’
There was a chorus of assent from the other wives.
‘What did I do?’ I said.
One of them turned to address the rest of the women in the garden. ‘Hey, guys, this is Emma! The Dark Lady! The snake one!’
More wives gathered, smiling with encouragement. Some of them burst into spontaneous applause, a few of them cheering.
‘What did I do?’ I repeated. ‘Is this because I defeated Demon Prince Six?’
‘No, silly,’ one of the wives said. ‘We want to show our appreciation because you got that uppity bitch Rhonda out of our faces and now we’re all equal again.’
‘Yeah!’ some of the others shouted. ‘Way to go, Emma!’
I slithered away and back into the hall as fast as my coils could take me. Louise and Jennifer had to run to keep up.
‘Emma, wait!’ Louise shouted after me.
Suddenly the music stopped and all the lights in the hall came on. I stopped, dazzled by the brightness.
‘Emperor present. All show respect!’ a Horseman shouted from the main entrance. In a single smooth movement all of the women and guards present fell to their knees, their heads bowed.
The Tiger walked in, came to me, fell to one knee, saluted, then rose again. ‘Hope my girls are showing you a good time, ma’am.’
I pulled out the oldest excuse in the book. ‘I need some air.’ I turned to Louise and Jennifer. ‘I need to talk to the Tiger alone, if you don’t mind.’
‘Whoa, listen to the boss lady,’ Louise said. ‘Top-secret, superhero god stuff, eh?’
I slithered out of the hall, the Tiger following me. When we were some distance from the crowd I stopped. ‘They just gave me three cheers for killing Rhonda,’ I said, my voice hissing with frustration. ‘Bitches.’
‘That they are,’ the Tiger said, glancing back at the hall. ‘Not many women aren’t. Particularly when things get tough.’
I glared at him. ‘That