‘So how are you feeling today, Mrs N?’
Mrs Nussbaum peered at her over her half-moon spectacles which she wore on a gold chain around her neck. ‘Ja. My hip is playing up a little but I think it’s this verdammtes English weather.’
Lizzie had nodded, wondering if she could bring the conversation round to matters of the heart. ‘I’ve never really asked you how long it’s been since you lost your Leonard.’
Mrs Nussbaum looked a little surprised by the change of conversation from joint ache to death but answered nonetheless. ‘Ach, it will be five years next February.’
‘Gosh,’ said Lizzie. She realised how out of practice she was at this. ‘That must be hard.’
Mrs Nussbaum shrugged. ‘It is what it is. I cannot be weinen and weeping all the time. And he was a pain in the Arsch sometimes. Now have you seen Mrs Fothergill’s poetry order?’
Lizzie sighed inwardly. She was very fond of Mrs Nussbaum but she could see that she wasn’t the ideal candidate for her BFF and she probably wasn’t exactly what Bea had in mind. In fact, she could almost hear Bea telling her now, ‘I didn’t mean a slightly deaf eighty-year-old lady even if you do share a love of Aldous Huxley and cheesecake. I meant someone you can drink Cosmopolitans with and laugh until you wee yourselves.’ And it was then that it hit Lizzie squarely between the eyes like a Cupid’s arrow for friends. Susie. She was just the kind of friend Bea would pick for Lizzie. She was friendly and funny; she might talk too much but that could be a good thing as Lizzie got used to opening up to someone other than Bea. She had asked Lizzie out for a drink on more than one occasion and she seemed like fun. Fun. That felt like an alien word to Lizzie these days but she sensed that Bea wanted her to embrace it. ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’. ‘All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun.’ The more Lizzie thought about it, the more the bubble of excitement from the morning started to grow. She should do this. It would be fine because it came from Bea and Lizzie knew that she would never make her do anything that would hurt her.
Lizzie was resolved. She was going to march into the coffee shop and casually suggest that she and Susie go for a drink some time. And that was when the other thought hit her. Ben. She didn’t like him. There was something sour and draining about his demeanour that Lizzie didn’t need at the moment. She needed positive, upbeat people. Lizzie needed someone like Susie but she didn’t want to have to deal with her disagreeable brother as well.
When mid-afternoon arrived, Mrs Nussbaum’s thoughts turned to cake and Lizzie was despatched to fetch some tea-time treats. This was her golden opportunity. Still, she felt sick with nerves as she pushed the door of the coffee shop but flooded with relief when she spotted Susie alone behind the counter.
‘Hi, Lizzie!’ she cried as if greeting her oldest and dearest friend.
Lizzie was about to open her mouth when Ben appeared from the kitchen. His face was set, as ever, in an irritated frown. He ignored Lizzie and spoke to his sister. ‘I’m going to the bank and then I need to pop to the shops.’
Susie folded her arms and glared at him. ‘Well I hope you’re going to buy some manners because you haven’t shown any to Lizzie,’ she said, glancing at her.
Ben rolled his eyes and muttered. ‘What are you, my mother?’
Susie wasn’t about to let this go. ‘We’ve talked about this. You’ve got to stop taking your crap out on the rest of the world! Sorry Lizzie,’ she said, holding up a hand to her friend, who was now wishing that the ground would open up and swallow her. This wasn’t how she had hoped the scene would play out.
‘It’s none of my business. Really,’ she said in a small voice.
‘No, I’m sorry but I’m not having this,’ said Susie fiercely. ‘Ben, you need to apologise to Lizzie.’
Ben sighed and shook his head in disbelief. ‘No wonder I cut the head off your Barbie,’ he muttered.
Susie smacked him on the arm. Ben glared at her before composing himself. ‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled, glancing at Lizzie.
She gave a small smile. ‘It’s fine. Really.’
He nodded before turning to his sister. ‘Can I go now?’ This was uttered more like a child asking its mother a question than with any attitude.
‘Go on, be off with you,’ smiled Susie, giving him a playful shove. After he’d left, she turned to Lizzie. ‘He is sorry. He’s not usually such a horror and I am a bossy cow but I think it’s what he needs at the moment. Anyway, what can I get you?’
Lizzie cleared her throat and stared at her hands. Go on, ask her you fool. ‘I just wondered – ’ she began, ‘if you – ’ Susie was smiling at her with encouragement. ‘– had any more of that delicious Millionaire’s Shortbread left?’
‘Sure,’ she grinned at Lizzie. ‘Two pieces is it?’ Lizzie nodded, feeling a sense of encroaching disappointment. She was going to fail on her mission. ‘Actually,’ continued Susie,’ I was going to ask you if you fancied coming out for a drink some time. I know you were busy when I asked before so do you fancy it? I could do with getting out of the flat away from mopey Ben if I’m being brutally honest, but I reckon we should get to know each other, seeing as we’re shop neighbours.’
Lizzie almost stuttered over her words. ‘That would be great. I would love that. Really.’ Her heart surged with joy. She had done what Bea had asked or rather she was on her way to achieving it. She would go home tonight feeling rather proud of herself.
‘Great. How about this evening?’ suggested Susie.
Lizzie faltered. She hadn’t expected this. Of course she had realised that becoming friends with someone would involve actually spending time with that person but she had assumed that she might have a little more time to get used to the idea. Susie was looking at her expectantly now and Lizzie knew that if she hesitated, all would be lost. ‘Lovely,’ she found herself saying in a voice that didn’t really sound like her own.
‘Brilliant. How about The Coach and Horses around eight? It’s a bit less spit and sawdust than some of the other pubs around here.’
‘Lovely,’ repeated Lizzie because she couldn’t think of anything else to say. She had to do this now. She had no choice.
‘Perfect. Looking forward to it,’ said Susie. ‘See you later.’
Lizzie nodded and made her way back to the bookshop.
‘Ach Lizzie, I thought you had been abducted by aliens,’ smiled Mrs Nussbaum as she entered the shop. ‘And did you forget something?’ she added. Lizzie looked down at her hands and realised that they were empty. Mrs Nussbaum patted Lizzie on the arm on the way past. ‘I will go, my dear. You do not quite seem yourself today. You seem a little different. Are you all right?’
‘Sorry. Yes I’m fine,’ she said. Mrs Nussbaum nodded and disappeared next door. Lizzie smiled to herself. She was feeling different, as if the ground beneath her feet was starting to shift. They were only tiny movements; small tremors in the grand scheme of things, but still the ripples could have a profound effect. They might even change her life forever.
Early October
Lizzie had a new friend and her name was Susie. Their first evening out had been a success and Lizzie had found herself enjoying Susie’s