‘Did you ever come to see me when I was little?’ he asked.
It was a fair question. ‘Once,’ she admitted.
‘When? I don’t remember.’
‘Your mum brought you over to see me when you were a baby.’
Sam nodded. ‘Why only once?’
Lizzie bit her lip. ‘Erm, it’s a bit complicated.’
Sam rolled his eyes. ‘That’s what people say when they don’t want to tell you the truth.’
‘Is that right?’ she replied, amused once again by her nephew’s frankness.
‘Yep.’
‘Well have you ever considered that people sometimes don’t tell the truth in order to protect themselves?’ She surprised herself with this comment but there was something about Sam that gave her permission to speak plainly.
Sam thought about this. ‘Is that what you’ve done?’
Lizzie looked at his earnest face. It was like looking at a little boy version of Bea and she had to glance out of the window in order to compose herself. ‘Yes. I think it is.’
‘Is that why you don’t come over to see Granny and you didn’t see Grandpa before he died?’
Lizzie knew there was no wriggling out of this. ‘Partly because of that and partly because I was angry. Do you understand?’
‘Not really,’ admitted Sam.
Lizzie was relieved when Joe appeared with their food. ‘Here we are then. They only had pizza with olives, Sammy, so you’ll have to flick them at me or Auntie Lizzie,’ he grinned.
Sam and Lizzie ate in silence with Joe adding comments from time to time. Lizzie noticed he did this, probably to keep things moving and stop them dwelling on recent events. It must have been exhausting for him. After lunch, Sam wanted to look in the gift shop. Joe and Lizzie stood back whilst Sam browsed the shelves.
‘Did he give you the third degree while I was in the queue?’ asked Joe.
Lizzie nodded. ‘You could say that. He wanted to know why we hadn’t met before.’
Joe grimaced. ‘Sorry, Lizzie.’
She shrugged. ‘It’s fine. It’s inevitable I guess.’
‘He’s got a lot of questions and he’s been quite angry with Bea lately.’
Sam appeared looking victorious, carrying a gorilla that was nearly as big as him. Lizzie almost gasped because he looked so like Bea before she was ill; so bright and full of energy. ‘Can I have this, Dad? Pleeease?’
Joe shook his head. ‘Honestly Sammy, not another cuddly toy?’
‘Can I buy it for you?’ asked Lizzie. Joe looked unsure. ‘I’d really like to.’
‘Well if you’re sure. Sam, what do you say?’
Sam looked at Lizzie. ‘You don’t have to buy me something to make me like you.’
‘Sam!’ warned Joe.
‘No Joe, it’s fine,’ said Lizzie. She drew nearer to Sam. ‘I know we’ve only just met and I’ve missed out on a lot of you growing up. I’m sorry for that. There are lots of things that happened to me in the past but none of them are your fault. One day you might understand what happened but for now, I would really like to get to know you a little better. The truth is I’m missing your mum so much and I know you are too.’ Lizzie was amazed how easy it was to admit this to Sam. It was almost like talking to Bea. Joe gave her an encouraging smile so she continued. ‘I just think we could be friends if we tried but I’d like to buy you something, not in order to buy your friendship, but just because I’d like to buy you something. I guess it could be a way of me saying sorry for not being around before. You can call it Lizzie if you like and punch it on the nose if you feel mad at me. Would that be okay?’
The corner of Sam’s mouth twitched with a smile. He paused before holding out the gorilla. ‘Okay. Thank you,’ he said. She nodded.
Once outside Sam, Lizzie and Joe walked side by side in companionable silence.
‘Oh damn, I left my jacket in the cafe,’ said Joe after a few steps.
‘It’s okay. You go back. I’ll walk with Sam, if that’s okay, Sam?’
Sam gave a shrug. ‘Sure. Let’s take Lizzie to see the other gorillas,’ he grinned, holding up the toy.
Lizzie laughed. She could tell that Sam shared the same sense of humour as his mother; teasing and cheeky. ‘Right, that’s it, you’re for it!’ she cried, making a move towards him. He chuckled and neatly side-stepped her advances, darting off towards the gorillas.
‘I’ll catch you up then,’ called Joe. Lizzie waved him away and hurried after Sam. He was an athletic ten-year-old and disappeared quickly into the crowd. She panicked as she lost sight of him. It was busy and she had to apologise and edge her way through the crowds, imagining what Bea would say if she could see her now. ‘One day, that was all I asked for and you go and lose my boy!’ Luckily, the crowd dispersed and she spotted him as she reached the enclosure, hot and out of breath. She could see him standing very still in front of the glass barrier, holding up the toy as if showing it to the animal on the other side. When Lizzie was close by she could see the gorilla through the glass and it took her breath away because it was as if he and Sam were mirroring one another. This majestic giant was looking at Sam with such sad tenderness and Sam was staring back with a similar gaze of melancholy and longing. He reached out his hand to touch the glass and the animal looked at it for a second before turning away. Sam remained rooted to the spot and as Lizzie reached his side, she realised that he was crying; huge silent tears rolling down his face. Like a reflex in her brain, Lizzie reached out and pulled him close, feeling comfort in his small, warm body.
‘I hate her,’ whispered Sam. Lizzie didn’t say anything but just pulled him tighter to her, blinking back her own tears.
By the time Joe caught up with them, they had both calmed down and were sitting on a bench watching the gorillas.
‘Magnificent, aren’t they?’ said Joe.
‘Can we go home now please, Dad?’ asked Sam.
Joe looked at them both. ‘I think that’s a good idea. It’s been an exciting but tiring day.’ They made their way towards the exit. Lizzie felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned to see a smiling woman of about the same age as her. ‘Excuse me, your son left this behind,’ she said holding up the gorilla toy.
‘Oh he’s not my –’ began Lizzie but the woman had gone before she had a chance to get her words out. She followed Sam and Joe to the exit and held up the gorilla. ‘You dropped Lizzie,’ she said smiling.
‘I think we should call him Guy,’ said Sam with a shy smile.
Lizzie felt something tug at her heart. It was like a door opening. ‘Guy it is,’ she said handing him over.
‘Come on then, Dad,’ said Sam, tugging at his father’s sleeve.
‘I think I’m off now, Lizzie,’ laughed Joe yielding to his son. He leant over to kiss her on the cheek. ‘Thanks for suggesting today. It was really good to see you. I think it’s done us both the world of good,’ he said, glancing over at Sam. ‘Maybe we can do it again some time?’
She nodded and waved them goodbye before making her way back towards the Tube. Once on the train, Lizzie slumped