Amy snorts. “I think he wore that outfit two days in a row.”
I want to rise to Jared’s defense. He’s still in the foster-care system, living with an elderly Italian lady who sells lingerie to transvestites. He’s been saving all of his money for art school, and doesn’t have money for new clothes. Plus, I think he has two of the same band shirt.
“Guys, you don’t need to talk about him like that. It doesn’t make me feel any better.”
Ryan turns to me. “It makes us feel better.”
Viv nods. “At least we know what kind of guy he is. Instead of working through a rough spot, he takes off. I heard about guys like that on Oprah.”
“Can we please change the topic?” I ask.
“I’ve got a new topic.” Amy looks at Sharese. “Are you going to tell them, or should I?”
“Tell them what?”
“About your new guy, of course!”
“He’s not my new guy,” Sharese says, shifting in her seat. “We’re going out for dinner, that’s all.”
“Which is obviously a date. Aren’t you going to tell them he’s an Olympic athlete?”
Sharese rolls her eyes. “It wasn’t the real Olympics, I told you. It was the World Transplant Games. Zink’s had a bad heart all his life and got a transplant two years ago. He’s doing well, but he still needs drugs to make sure his body doesn’t reject it.”
“Back up a minute,” Ryan says. “Did you say his name was Zinc, like the vitamin?”
“It’s a mineral,” Sharese corrects, “but yes, that’s his name. It’s his mom’s maiden name. It’s spelled with a k on the end.”
Ryan laughs. “What a name! Like he doesn’t have enough strikes against him already. So how’d you meet him?”
“He’s been in my church youth group on and off for a few years.”
I’m glad to hear that Sharese has a new guy in her life. Her last crush, on an ice-cream scooper named Mike P., came to nothing. By the time she’d worked up the courage to give him her number, he’d quit the Dairy Freez, never to be seen again.
“That’s so romantic,” Viv says. “He struggles with his health for years, and now he can finally ask out the girl of his dreams.”
Sharese makes a face. “Easy, turbo. It’s only a date.”
“So is he cute or what?” Amy asks.
“He’s cute, yeah. He’s kind of short. His heart condition stunted his growth.”
“It’s gonna be a hot date, I just know it.” Amy gives a sly grin. “I bet he wants to test out his new heart by getting some action.”
three
7 Days into Rebound Equation
With Regard to Key Lime Pie
When someone finds a partner, we’re happy for them. We’re so happy we have parties: engagement parties, wedding showers, weddings, gift-opening parties, anniversary parties.
Kaitlin used to have her boyfriend over every Sunday for dinner with her family. They used special plates and there was always a special dessert. Kaitlin’s favorite was key lime pie.
But since Kaitlin and her boyfriend broke up, this Sunday dinner ritual no longer applies. No fancy china, no special dessert. There is no denying that, because Kaitlin does not have a boyfriend, her parents do not believe Sundays are worth the extra effort.
Every Sunday, Kaitlin hopes against hope that her parents will buy dessert. She has compassion for her mom, who is watching her waistline, but she still feels that dessert would be nice.
Every Sunday, like clockwork, Kaitlin asks, “What’s for dessert?”
The answer is usually “Well, we have some cookies in the cupboard,” i.e. nothing.
Where is my key lime pie? she wonders. Don’t girls without boyfriends deserve dessert, too?
The Oracle believes there should be a new trend. Let’s pull out all the stops to celebrate people who have refused to settle or have been dumped or just like to be on their own. Let’s celebrate people who aren’t afraid of being single.
Let’s serve them key lime pie!
The Oracle of Dating
When you’re involved in a breakup, you get every cliché in the book thrown at you. Like when Viv says, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Ugh. In Viv’s defense, she knows about love and loss. Last fall Viv briefly dated Max McIver only to have to break up with him when her parents found out. It was devastating for both of them, but somehow they managed to salvage a friendship. And there’s obviously something still between them; they just can’t act on it.
Viv’s cliché doesn’t work for me. Sure, I had a great few months with Jared. I discovered real passion, real companionship. There was nothing I couldn’t tell him. I enjoyed the routine of a solid relationship: the daily phone conversations, the lazy days chilling and making out, the messages on my voice mail telling me he missed me.
But is it better to have loved and lost? I don’t think so. I was happy with Jared, but that happiness doesn’t make up for the pain I feel now. By dumping me, he’s taught me a lesson I didn’t want to learn—that you can show someone who you really are, you can love them completely, and then without warning, they can turn away from you.
And a breakup isn’t just a parting of two people. It’s a series of mini-breakups that occur when the primary couple parts ways. You’re breaking up with his family and friends, and he’s breaking up with yours.
I miss Gina, his foster mom. I miss the way she pinched my cheeks and plied me with cannoli. Will I ever see her again? I can’t picture calling her up to say hi. But it seems so strange to have spent so much time with her over the past few months and never see her again. I wonder if Jared will miss Mom and Erland. He got along great with them.
I’m tempted to put some of my thoughts in a blog, but how can I? Jared could surf by and see my innermost feelings spilled onto the page. The last thing I need is for him to know how heartbroken I am. I’d prefer to hang on to what pride I have left.
I admit I’ve occasionally surfed by his Facebook page and his band’s MySpace page. I can’t help it, even though I know it’s totally unhealthy. What happens when I see that he’s chatting with a new girl? Or what if his band posts a new song called “Swinging Single” or something like that? There’s too much potential for more pain. So, in a moment of strength, I delete him as my Facebook friend. This way, I won’t be able to see his page and I can stop wasting my time.
Another thing about breakups? They’re hard because your whole routine changes. Now, after almost six months of a relationship routine, I have huge gaps in my schedule.
With all this time on my hands, I have to ask myself: what did I do with my spare time before I met Jared?
The answer is simple: I used to focus more on being the Oracle of Dating and less on my own love life (or lack of it). When Jared and I got together, I became less focused on expanding my business and only did what was necessary to maintain it.
While I was with Jared, I wrote a blog about every two weeks. Before we started dating, I wrote at least one blog a week, sometimes two or three.
What’s up with that? Was I the type of girl to forget her ambition because of a boyfriend?
Well, no more.
I call Tracey, but get her voice mail, and then I