“You’ll find someone else—don’t worry.” Amy smiles. “Maybe a guy on the soccer team?” Amy’s boyfriend, Chad, is on the soccer team, and Amy is a huge fan of the team’s, um, man power.
Viv turns to Amy. “Don’t pressure her to find another guy right away. She needs time to discover herself again.”
“Self-love, huh?” Amy smiles wickedly.
Viv’s eyes flash. “You’re such a perv!”
I laugh. I’m glad I have my friends. Too many girls make the mistake of drifting apart from their friends when they’re in a relationship—a mistake the Oracle always warns people against. Thank goodness I followed my own advice. I need my friends so much right now.
“What you deserve is a hot stone massage,” Ryan says. “Total pampering, total relaxation.”
“I can’t afford that, but I’ll do a mani and pedi.”
Ryan looks skeptical. “That’s all you ever do. You need to work more shifts at the Hole and save some money.”
The Hole, short for Hellhole, is Eddie’s Grocery, where Ryan and I work. I have three four-hour shifts a week and that’s enough for me. My greatest dream is to make enough money as the Oracle of Dating to be able to quit.
“No spa day is worth more time at Eddie’s.” I pick up the remote control.
Amy grabs it from me. “No, wait! Glamour Girl doesn’t start for five minutes and we need to hear more about the breakup. How did he do it?”
“What do you mean, how? He just did it. Over pizza.”
“Did he at least wait until you were finished eating?” Ryan asks.
“No. I was still on my first slice. But I forgot to leave money, so I guess he paid.”
“Damn straight, he should pay!” Sharese says.
“So how did he say it?” Amy asks.
“He said he needed to take a step back and figure stuff out.”
They all wince as if they’ve popped sour candies into their mouths. What Jared said was cliché and we all know it. Taking a step back is the same as needing space or a time-out. It’s almost as bad as “we’ve become different people.” Lots of my clients have had those lines thrown at them and the cliché seems to add to the insult. But then, what’s a guy to say? I’m not attracted to you anymore? You bore me?
“Was that it?” Viv asks. “Is that his only reason?”
“He’s really disappointed about not getting an art scholarship. He somehow blames it on being too into me and not focusing enough on his goals.”
“Maybe he’s trying to punish himself by breaking up with you,” Viv offers.
“Too into you?” Sharese says. “What crap.”
The others agree that it was a lame thing to say. The stupid part of it was, I believed him. But I guess he was just trying to save my pride. Maybe he thought it was kinder to tell me he’d been too into me than not into me enough.
It doesn’t help when Ryan says, “I’m sorry to say this, but he probably met another girl.”
Sharese elbows him. “Nice job upsetting her.”
“Ouch!” He rubs his ribs. “Well, it’s true. It’s better if we prepare her for it.”
“I believe him that there’s no one else, but there could be another girl soon, I know that.” Or would there? If he said he needs to take a step back, wouldn’t that apply to all girls? Maybe not. If I believe that, I’ll be deluding myself.
“You can find someone, too,” Amy says. “A rebound can be a beautiful thing.”
The red numbers on the clock read 12:27 a.m., but I’m nowhere near sleep. I can think of nothing but rebounding.
REbounding.
ReBOUNDING.
I get out of bed and switch my desk light and computer on. I look up rebounding on an online dictionary.
1: To spring or bounce back after hitting something.
2: To recover from a disappointment.
The first definition is a lot more fun. I don’t want to “recover” I want to bounce back. Jared is the wall I’m bouncing off. I’m going to bounce off, do a back flip and land in the arms of a cute guy.
I’m aware of what’s happening to me. It’s textbook for someone who’s been dumped. A void has opened up in my life and I am looking for the quickest way to fill it: what better way than with another guy? Textbook or not, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not like I’m going to fill it with drugs or alcohol.
Come to think of it, I wrote something on rebounding a while ago. I search my archives, and find a blog from last November.
are too embarrassed to tell your friends you’re dating someone new because they’ll say it’s too soon.
believe that dating someone else will prevent you from thinking about your ex.
keep thinking of how your ex would feel if he spotted you with your new date (in fact, you hope he will).
The Rebound Equation:
Calculate the number of days you were together and divide it by 8.
Add 30 days if you are the dumpee.
Subtract 20 days if you are the dumper.
Add 30 days if you fantasize about getting back together.
Subtract 20 days if you believe the breakup is for the best, even if you were the one dumped.
= ___ days before you should enter into another relation ship.
I grab a calculator. Jared and I were together for five months, three weeks and two days, for a total of 173 days. 173 divided by 8 is 22. He dumped me, so I add 30 days. I add another 30 days because, damn it, I have fantasized about getting back together. Do I believe it’s for the best? No!
Total number of days before I can start dating someone else: 82. No way!
Maybe I should reconsider my answers. Did he really dump me? Undoubtedly. Do I fantasize about getting back together? Yes. Is it for the best? Ha! That’s where I put the wrong answer. If Jared wanted to break up then, of course, it’s for the best. It can’t be anything but for the best. I should have answered yes.
I subtract 20, which leaves my total at 62 days.
62 days—that’s two months! That means I won’t be able to date anyone until the middle of May. What was I thinking when I made up the equation? I’m sixteen; I don’t have two months to waste!
Of course, I don’t have to take my own advice.
By the time I get to school on Monday, the breakup is headline news.
Midwood High School is where Brooklyn gamer kids, gangster kids, emo kids and normal kids (me and my friends) collide in a maze of gray hallways. You can hear a dozen different languages in the cafeteria on any given day, not to mention the fact that we have tons of clubs representing diverse nationalities, religions, interests and sexual orientations.
Everybody is tormenting me with questions about the breakup. I can’t tell everyone the truth, can I? Thankfully, my friends have already put out the official version of events, and I stick to the story. The official version: Jared and