I looked at Cooper. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to—”
“I know,” he said, his eyes shining in the sunlight.
“I’ll see you after,” I said quickly before transporting back to where we’d been stationed at the beginning of the ceremony.
I should have stayed there.
Jackson followed me.
In my periphery, Cooper’s body was turned to us but I didn’t dare look. I didn’t need to be reminded of how disappointing I was to another Guard.
“Hey,” Jackson said in a soft voice. “Do you want to go?”
I shook my head, I couldn’t always retreat to Gate Seven. “No. I’ll just stay back here.”
The students filed out of their seats to receive their diplomas and I mustered up the energy to clap for Jamie, knowing she could hear me. She skipped off the stage and as she made her way to her seat she winked at me. The crowd and Guard exploded with whoops and cheers when Ally received hers and I swore I could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks.
As the ceremony ended, I started to feel more like myself and remembered what happened before I visited with Ally. “What was the deal with Robert?”
“He’s harmless.”
I looked over at the space that Robert had occupied but it was empty. My eyes darted over the crowd, finding him two rows behind Marie and Henry, glaring.
“I don’t call that harmless,” I said pointedly, “He’s practically boring holes in Marie’s head. We need to do something.”
Jackson sighed. “He hasn’t done anything, Mags. It’s fine. We have bigger problems to worry about other than a meddling human.”
“Unless that meddling human hurts Ally.”
“You think I would let that happen?”
“I don’t know what to think.” I was still frustrated from letting myself lose control, but I didn’t intend to take it out on Jackson.
He moved away from me and whispered in a hurt voice, “At the very least I didn’t think I needed to prove my loyalty to the Guard to you.”
“I didn’t—”
He cut me off. “Don’t worry about it.”
Great. I’d managed to annoy the only person who volunteered to spend any time with me.
“I’m sorry.”
His stoic expression revealed nothing. “I said don’t worry about it.”
After the closing speeches, the student band started up again and the graduates filed out just as they had entered. If it were even possible, the Guard walked closer to Ally then they had on the way in. Jackson and I waited until the humans filtered out of the stadium and toward the school.
We walked in silence for a few minutes lingering at the back of the group. The humans were headed for the gym where a reception would take place. I kept replaying our conversation over in my head, wishing I could have kept my mouth shut. I hadn’t meant to accuse him of anything, but I was angrier at myself for letting David’s name get to me.
I needed to fix it. “Jackson, I—”
“No.” He grabbed my arm, steering me away from the gym down a long, empty hallway. He stopped in front of a row of lockers and let me go. Then proceeded to stare at me, a silent war waging across his face.
“Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know—”
“I know I don’t deserve anything from you after—” He dropped his head to his chest.
Without thinking I clasped his hand in mine. “It doesn’t matter what happened before.”
He moved closer, slowly shaking his head. “This would be so much easier if you remembered.”
“Easier for who?” I asked.
“Me. Is that what you wanted to hear?” His mouth lifted into a lopsided grin. “But not in the way you might think.” The grin morphed into a grimace and I yearned to bring his playful smile out again. “I will prove my trustworthiness to you once again. If it’s the last thing I do.”
“You don’t—”
Jackson’s fingertips touched my lips, silencing my next words. “I do.” His fingers brushed against my cheek before he dropped his hand to his side.
A fire had erupted inside of me from his one touch and I was thankful when Jackson took a step back.
A group of young children came screaming down the hallway playing a game of Tag.
“We should—” I started, breathless.
“Yeah.”
The moment, whatever it meant for us, had ended. And not soon enough. For as much as Jackson was a great trainer, there hadn’t been a day that he didn’t challenge me physically and emotionally, making me question my decision about keeping my memories locked away. I had to keep that promise to myself. For his sake and mine.
***
Inside the gym, tables and chairs were set up in the center of the room along with several stations of food. I’d experienced the memory of my death-day through Jackson in that room and unconsciously I conjured the memory of Gemma and Tristan’s forms twisted around each other on her bed, their lifeless eyes staring back at me. Just like the David visions, I attempted to block them. As Jackson had told me many times during my weak moments, it was over and I had to move on. The edges of my vision turned fuzzy and I willed the images to stay away. It took some effort but eventually I won that battle.
Jackson strolled a few steps ahead of me, unaware of the struggle going on behind him. Quickening my pace I moved through the crowd with ease. Since I’d traded out my Collector abilities for Guard ones, the feeling of humans passing through me wasn’t as disgusting as it had been. I wished I could be corporeal and experience this day with Ally, but without changing clothes first, my sword would scare the majority of humans.
The Guard gave us a wide berth as we reached Ally and Cooper and I kept my eyes on Ally as she chatted with Marie and Henry, very aware that the couple held hands.
Heather’s loud voice spoke animatedly to what must have been her family, her back to Ally. A younger boy who favored Heather’s almond-shaped eyes and button nose stood next to her, looking bored and somewhat disgruntled.
When Ally’s eyes met mine, they narrowed in a silent question, asking if I was okay. I nodded. She was very astute, just as the other Guard were. In the short time I’d known her, Ally hadn’t really spoken much, appearing to be deep in thought more often than not. The inherent abilities of observation would help her as a Guard.
She smiled at Cooper. He shrugged in return as if they shared a silent conversation.
It shouldn’t have bothered me that they were closer now. I’d thought he had feelings for her the way that Jackson did for me in my past, but he had denied it, comparing Ally to a sister more than a potential girlfriend.
Hurried footfalls broke into my thoughts. I turned in time to see Jamie bounding up to our little group frisky as a puppy. “Finally!” she whooped. “We did it!”
“Hey girl!” Heather said hugging Jamie to her side.
Since when had Jamie become friends with Heather?
The girls talked in hushed tones, Heather leaning down to probably say something snarky which elicited a fit of laughter from Jamie.
Jackson