He touched my chin and forced me to look up at him. “Help what?” he asked.
I bit my bottom lip. His eyes widened at the movement, so I quickly freed my lip from my teeth and pressed them together instead.
Smoothing a hand over my cheek, he gently asked, “What would seeing her again help?”
“It would remind me how much I didn’t want my memories back,” I said tilting my head and his hand dropped to his side. “If I saw her happy, I’d know that I’d never want to see me kill her again.”
“I can show you that.”
“I know.”
He let out a frustrated growl, his fingers moving to hide the owl. “Why didn’t you just ask?”
Walking to the space behind my desk, I put distance between us. I needed to clear my head. “Because it’s a stupid idea. I shouldn’t be given anything remotely happy after what I did.”
“What you did wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I didn’t protect you.”
I flinched. “You didn’t pull the trigger.” I could still hear the shots in my head as if they had just gone off. And Tristan’s sobs. I shook away the memory of Gemma’s unmoving stare.
Jackson was silent for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine. “Let me show you.”
The idea was tempting. It was all I’d wanted since I found the owl, but there had to be limitations. “No memories of me and you. Just her.”
Jackson nodded and lifted his hand again. I stepped forward, swallowing any doubt as he reached out, one hand cupping my cheek, the other grasping my hand lightly, tracing circles with his thumb and before I could worry about how those circles made me melt inside, the memory slammed into me.
“Margaret!” Gemma shouted with glee. “Come out of there, I know you are trying to scare me!”
I watched the young red-haired girl put her hands on her hips, trying to be brave. She scanned their father’s study, narrowing her eyes. The fire roaring in the hearth was the only source of light in the room, casting dark shadows across the furniture.
Maggie hid behind her father’s chair, in silent wait for her prey.
“I’m going to tell Mother!”
Maggie’s little hands tightened on the chair but she didn’t make a sound. I walked over to her, watching her mouth twist up into a sly grin. She was the older of the girls, but she protected her sister fiercely, proclaiming she was the only one who could tease her. Gemma hated when Maggie played games, but it thrilled Maggie no end and I could feel excited anticipation roll off her in waves.
Gemma’s bravery faltered as she stepped forward toward the overstuffed armchair, expecting her sister to jump out at her at any moment.
But Maggie waited. She had incredible patience, but I sensed that part of it was stubbornness and a desire to test boundaries. Her head poked out from behind the chair just as Gemma turned toward the love seat. I watched as Maggie slowly came out of her hiding spot and charged at her sister.
Gemma let out a scream but Maggie covered her sister’s mouth with her hand.
Both girls collapsed on the floor, Gemma’s muffled squeals threatening to break through Maggie’s tiny fingers.
“Shh,” Maggie cooed.
Gemma managed to wrestle her mouth away from Maggie’s hand. “I hate you!” Her indignation faltered into a fit of giggles and Maggie quickly joined her.
As she helped her sister up from the floor Maggie said, “Gemma. You need to always expect the unexpected. You can’t go through life being scared all the time.” Even though Maggie was a mere nine years old, she spoke as if she’d lived lifetimes before. It was one of the things that drew me to her more than any other Prognatum I’d watched.
Maggie took a handkerchief and wiped her sister’s cheeks.
“A lady wouldn’t do that to her sister,” Gemma said, finally relaxing.
“I don’t want to be a lady,” Maggie stated firmly. “I want to see the world and not just make babies for the rest of my life.”
Gemma shook her head. “That’s what we are supposed to do. That’s what Mother does.”
Maggie’s indignation flowed through her and into me. I knew Maggie was born to follow through with her Prognatum duties, she just didn’t know it yet. It was rare for a Prognatum to want the Guard position but Maggie would be thrilled when her father revealed it to her at seventeen.
As Maggie reached down to help Gemma up from the floor she whispered, “It’s not for me.”
Gemma wrapped her sister in a tight hug. “I will love you either way, dear sister.”
Maggie rested her head against Gemma’s shoulder. “I love you too.”
I fell out of the memory just as quickly as I’d fallen in, my legs shaking.
Jackson caught me and wrapped his arms around me. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I leaned closer, enjoying the feeling of being protected, and looked up at him. “You didn’t. It was a nice memory. Thank you.”
Jackson gave me a quick nod. “You’re welcome. If you want any more I have plenty.” He smirked tapping a finger on the side of his head.
I stepped out of his grasp, afraid of how close we had been and how much I had liked it. “Maybe some other time.”
He sobered and put the owl back on my desk.
“It’s strange to feel my emotions through you.”
Jackson chuckled, a low rumble in his chest, a sound I heard so infrequently, yet the one that made my day complete when I heard it. “When you get your first Prognatum job, you’ll get used to it.”
“If,” I hedged.
“When,” he corrected.
I heard shuffling from the other room, indicating Calliope’s arrival to our bungalow.
“Let’s meet in the morning for training before the graduation?” Jackson said as we walked from the room into the main area.
“Sounds good.”
Jackson nodded at Calliope as we passed. She didn’t hide her scowl. Where she was stony with me, she detested Jackson. Mostly because of what he’d done to Cooper all those years ago; nearly destroying him so he could get his job back. But I was in no position to judge since I’d actually destroyed someone.
I waved to Jackson and watched as he disappeared out into the night. Turning back to the main room I saw Calliope’s eyes slide over mine and quickly flick toward my room. Smoothing her short black hair from her face, she narrowed her chocolate brown eyes at me before turning on her heel and retiring to her room.
Rolling my eyes I headed back to my room. I just didn’t have the energy for Calliope’s attitude tonight. Tomorrow was one day closer to proving my worth and I wouldn’t waste that worrying about fitting in with her. At least not yet.
The next morning, after a particularly intense training session, Jackson and I transported to Freedom High School.