He smirked. “Alright what?”
“You can handle it.” He released his grip and I stepped back from him, needing to get away from his distracting body.
I held out my hand. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to use this.”
“Fair enough, but if you ever want to—”He trailed off.
I adjusted my baldric and stared at the space between us. My wrists ached where he had held them, but I’d be damned if I would show my weakness.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked, seeming to read my mind.
I blinked hard and flicked my gaze up to his. “Not as much as I’m about to hurt you.” I slid my foot under my sword and flicked it up to my hand.
“Bring it on.”
Several sessions later, Jackson called a break in our training. We’d been at it since the night before and he suggested we rest. As a Collector I’d spent my free time in my office in a towering skyscraper in New York City that straddled the edge of the After and the Living Realm. The Guard had an office there too, but in their time outside of assignments they had living quarters nearby.
With my new almost-Guard status I had been allowed to stay with them in a set of bungalows that stood atop a cliff. Like most parts of the After, the first time Jackson took me there I’d been speechless. The office I’d known for the past century was a short distance behind the bungalows so we were available as needed. And while Collectors were linked only with Gate Seven and the office, the Guard could wander the After as they pleased.
The trail leading from our training site up to the bungalows tapered farther up the side of the cliff. Jackson took the lead toward our resting place. Souls had no need to actually sleep, but rest was needed, especially after an intense training session.
A sinking sensation crushed my midsection as we neared the Guard camp, as it always did when we returned. I tried to stay away as much as I could manage but I couldn’t do it forever. Dozens of pairs of eyes burned into my back and I watched Jackson’s posture stiffen, but he stayed by my side.
Another regret about the night of Ally’s birthday was some of the Guard witnessing me suck the soul from David. Now, they all avoided me. Felix had made it perfectly clear that Jackson was the only one willing to work with me. I was a ticking time bomb and no one wanted to witness or be victim to the power I couldn’t control. Jackson was the only one to treat me as if it had never happened. I didn’t know which was worse.
“Screw them,” he said, leading me toward my bungalow. “You shouldn’t worry about what they think.”
“I don’t,” I lied.
He chuckled. “Sure.”
I shared a bungalow with Calliope, the only other Guard that would tolerate me and even that was generous since she avoided me as much as she could. The exterior of the bungalows was made of a golden wood that grew in the After forests, with a gossamer fabric covering the front doorway that rippled in the light breeze. The After had a tropical temperature with a constant light warm breeze moving across the land. In one word, paradise.
Pushing the fabric aside and I entered the main space of the bungalow. It was simply decorated with few pieces of furniture for sitting, but as much as Calliope had a hard exterior she was a bit girly. The space had been hers for quite some time and she had made it so with planters on most surfaces, displaying the flora of the After.
“Calliope?” I called.
No answer.
Jackson stood at the far end of the room, looking out the window. Where in the Living Realm there would be glass, in the After the windows were just open spaces. “I guess we’re alone.”
Even though we were alone most of the time during training, we always had work to distract us, but I dreaded moments like these. Through his eyes I always saw a hint of anticipation, like he expected the “real me” to come jumping out and saying, “Gotcha!” Then we’d be off on our merry way as a couple who were once again deeply in love. Tendrils of a chill crept down my spine.
Since leaving Ally’s body I’d not been able to access any memories besides those already stored from after I died and the ones Jackson showed me. But the last one stuck with me like a brand.
Jackson moved to stand in front of me, his eyebrows almost touching with concern. “What are you thinking about?” He swiped a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers were warm, leaving a trail of awareness across my cheek.
I ignored his question and pushed past him towards my room. It was at the end of a short hallway. I had it set up like my sanctuary in the Collections office, with a desk on the far wall and a couch facing the window. But instead of the meadow I’d used as my calming device, it overlooked the cliff.
Jackson’s presence was overwhelming and I became very aware of his every movement. He’d never been inside my room since we’d started working together. It was just for me, but we both sensed the nearing of the end of our mandatory time together and I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go just yet. That sounded selfish but he’d become my only friend and almost a mentor to me, even though I knew he wanted more.
Pressing my hands into the seat and I leaned over taking in the sight of the After that even after a century still mesmerized me.
“So, tomorrow,” I started, turning around. Ally would graduate from high school and I wanted to be there for her. I’d seen her in passing a few weeks ago and we’d managed a polite greeting even though Felix thought it would be best to keep our distance for a while, at least until she had enough time to grieve for her father. I suppose, being around the soul who killed him probably wouldn’t help that.
But words failed me as my gaze landed on the spot on my desk where I’d placed the wooden owl. The one Jackson had given me when we’d first met and later again when I was at Ally’s house. After Ally’s transformation I’d gone back to the Greene house to retrieve it, wondering if I could gain any other memories from it, but I could only see the one it had triggered.
Jackson’s soul was stiff as his eyes followed mine and one of his hands reached out to touch the wooden figure.
My insides twisted uncomfortably.
His head tilted toward the owl. “You kept this?”
I shrugged and before I could say anything, his hands were on my hips. The intimate touch startled me.
“Why did you keep it?”
My thoughts were fuzzy, as if they were trying to make their way out of a thick fog all I could think was that his hands felt so right where they were. “I don’t know.”
“Mags.”
I looked down at the owl on the desk and touched it gingerly hoping it would clear my head. “I thought I could see more if I had it.”
Jackson’s mouth opened slightly and I stared at his lips, remembering through the memory of that night how they’d seared my forehead after he placed a kiss on it.
Suddenly, I put out my hands, pushing him away. I couldn’t focus when he stood that close.
He didn’t take the hint, instead he moved blocking my escape. “I thought you told Felix you didn’t want them back?”
I attempted to shove him away but he didn’t budge. “I did! And I don’t. But I just wanted—”
What did I want?
“What? Please tell me.”
I closed my eyes. “I wanted to see her,” I whispered.
The silence was deafening. We said nothing for a few moments and