When I finished speaking, the room went silent, the lack of sound deafening as if my head was stuffed in a pillow.
Father blinked. “You say there are gaps of memories.”
“Yes,” I replied.
He placed his cup and saucer on the side table and stood.
I looked at Cooper, but his eyes were on my father.
“It seems there needs to be a trigger, sir,” Cooper said standing at attention and keeping his gaze lowered as if he were speaking to a Caeleste.
Father nodded his head several times and scratched his beard. “Those memories that are being blocked, around what year do they start?”
I thought of what I knew of my human life so far and shook my head as I tried to remember the oldest human event I could that wasn’t my death day, which I had experienced enough times already to have it burned in my memory. “The memories I am missing start when I am around sixteen.”
Father and Cooper shared a look. Even though I knew they weren’t telling me everything, I kept quiet. I was the one who had something to make up for here. At least to my father.
The seconds dragged by like hours. I took another sip of tea just to have something to do other than wait for someone to speak.
Father sat back down in his chair, casually crossing his legs. “I’ve been informed of what memories Jackson has given you, but I need to know if there are any more.”
I hesitated, remembering the last kiss with Jackson that he showed me. The tea cup clattered against the saucer, but I recovered and placed them on the side table. It was a personal memory that Father didn’t need to know, but my chest ached thinking about that kiss and then how he didn’t stop Hannah from killing Leha. I swallowed, attempting to stop the tightness in my throat. Why had Jackson even bothered to show me my past if he knew he was just going to leave? He must have known me well enough to not want to go with Hannah. A part of me knew I was missing something, and only Jackson had the answer. The sooner I could earn back my father’s trust, the sooner I would be reunited with Jackson to begin my revenge.
“There is one more.”
***
I detailed the memory to Father. Jackson had showed me the memory through him and I explained his emotions as they were passed through me. I gave an abbreviated description of our last kiss, careful not to make eye contact with Cooper. It was embarrassing enough talking about kissing in front of my father.
When I was finished Father spoke quickly. “He did as I asked.” Then he got up from his chair again and stood in front of the fireplace, facing me. “It wasn’t until after he did that the change in you occurred. I’m just wondering where it all went wrong.”
“He must have influenced her first, sir,” Cooper suggested.
I spoke up. “Since he was with the Shadowed the whole time, maybe he had already done his job and then requested to leave before I did what I did?”
Father pressed his lips together and shook his head once before speaking. “There is something more, but she needs those memories back to uncover her motives.”
I hated when people spoke about me as if I wasn’t in the same room. I stood up to get their attention, “What do you want me to do?”
My father glanced at me. “We are meeting later to discuss our plan. I shall inform Cooper then.”
“Or you can just tell me,” I challenged.
He turned the weight of his gaze on me. “I’d like to have as little contact with you as possible.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised since I knew he hadn’t wanted to see me for years, but I couldn’t hold back a choked gasp at his brash comment. “But—”
His friendly blue eyes turned to icy daggers, chilling me to the bone as he stalked toward me. “I still remember, Margaret. The hate in your eyes that night was something I’ve only seen in the most evil of places. The Guard are supposed to protect humanity, not destroy it. You made your choice the night you murdered our family. Just because we are on the same side, don’t think for a second that I trust you. I just want to ensure no one else from my family dies.” He glanced at Cooper and dismissively said, “Take her through the property and see if anything else triggers a memory.”
Then he left the room, leaving the door wide open. For the way his words struck me, he could have slammed the door. I sank down onto the couch staring at the place where he had stood. As if I hadn’t felt guilty enough since I found out about my past, I didn’t need him shoving it in my face. But the last memory that I had experienced of my father and I had triggered a different response. I was so angry and willing to do anything to get what I wanted. I shook my head furiously, attempting to rid my head of the dangerous and hateful thoughts. But they stuck, burrowing deep in my gut.
“He’s right you know.”
Cooper came to my side. “What about?”
I exhaled deeply. “I am evil.”
He scoffed. “Maggie, you’re not evil.”
“My father is the most observant man that I’ve ever known—”
“He’s just upset about Leha.”
“It’s not just that—”
“I’m sure with time—”
My head snapped up. “Time? He hasn’t seen me in over a century because he’s still upset about Gemma and Tristan. And rightfully so. No amount of time will make him okay with what I did.”
Cooper lifted his hand to reassure me. “Maggie—”
I shrugged away from his touch, standing up. My heart rattled in my chest as if I’d just run a marathon. “He is right. When I first realized what I’d done I felt horrible and guilty. But now, with my memories, I still feel it was the right thing to do.”
Cooper tilted his head incredulously. “You don’t mean that.”
I didn’t know if I did or not, but I wasn’t sure of anything at that point. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. “This is me and it’s only going to resurface more as I get more memories.” Especially those where Jackson is involved. If I ever got those back.
I left the room, hoping that Cooper would come after me and argue on his behalf, but he didn’t.
You wanted distance, you have no right to be upset with him.
I continued down the hall and a picture of my bedroom flashed before my eyes. Picking up my pace, I sprinted around the corner before coming to an abrupt stop in front of the door. I looked both ways down the hall before my hand touched the knob. A lightness bloomed inside of me and I pushed the door open.
Inhaling deeply, I was now prepared for the onslaught of memories.
I waited a few seconds before I realized that nothing monumental was happening to me. Not like it did with the other memories. A few mundane memories flickered in my mind, mostly when I was younger, but nothing important.
My hand fell from the knob as I stepped into the room. It looked exactly as I remembered. It was as if the room had been frozen in time just as my body had been. I smoothed my hands across the thick quilt on the bed. It was cool to the touch and a chill raked down my spine. The fireplace was unlit, making