Surviving Girlhood. Rachel Beddoe

protagonist or others who join in the ‘fun’, particularly for young people who find it difficult to disconnect and whose existence revolves around their social connectivity. For those young people who find it difficult to create relationships and social connections in real life, the virtual world may be their solace and safety zone, where they can be anyone they wish to be. When this is threatened by cyber attacks, the conflict as to whether to disconnect or not is great.

      Much has been cited about the ‘24/7’ and repetitious nature of cyber bullying: once content is posted online or forwarded electronically it is virtually impossible for it to be retrieved or deleted – a sobering thought for young people whose whole lives have thus far been lived in the digital age and will continue to be as they apply for colleges and jobs in the future. The vast expanse of the Internet and the speed with which content can be copied, forwarded, downloaded and modified creates a permanence that most young people are completely oblivious to. As increasing numbers of employers and university admissions departments look online to learn more about their potential candidates, young people may find themselves missing out, thanks to unthinking actions in their youth.

      While cyber bullying differs from more traditional forms of bullying, the results are still the same: fear, isolation, anger, panic and desperation leave many young people suffering in silence or seeking revenge.

      Sexual, gender and homophobic bullying

      Sexual, gender and homophobic bullying are not aspects of bullying that often receive much attention in education or awareness-raising campaigns. However, research suggests that they are a growing problem, closely linked to the wider issues of sexism, sexual harassment and abusive, unhealthy relationships among young people.

      Sexist bullying can be defined as ‘bullying based on sexist attitudes that when expressed demean, intimidate or harm another person because of their sex or gender’ (Department for Children, Schools and Families 2009, p.5), whereas sexual bullying is defined as ‘bullying behaviour that has a specific sexual dimension or a sexual dynamic which may be physical, verbal, or non-verbal/psychological’(ibid). Sexual bullying can take the form of innuendo or overtly sexual comments, offensive comments about a person’s sexual reputation, and sexually offensive messages or written comments. A young woman’s sexual behaviour can often be used as a target for relationally aggressive behaviour and bullying, even by members of her own friendship group. Rumours about a girl’s sexuality, sexual activity or promiscuity can destroy her reputation, or girls may feel a pressure to engage in sexual behaviour before they are ready because of a pressure to fit in and be ‘normal’.

      These forms of bullying are particularly pertinent to working with girl relationship issues, as young women will often victimize other females using sexual insults such as ‘slut’ or ‘whore’, or spread rumours and gossip, and call other girls’ reputations into question by suggesting a girl is engaging in sexual or promiscuous behaviour, or alternatively, questioning her experience with the opposite sex, such as suggesting someone is a virgin who cannot find a boyfriend. These sexually aggressive behaviours can be both subtle and overt and can ruin reputations and leave relationships in tatters. Girls engaging in sexual bullying may encourage boys to join in or communicate an acceptance of using sexualized language and insulting terms to women. Young men viewing women treating each other in this way can identify such behaviour as an appropriate and normal way to treat the opposite sex.

      Sexual and sexist bullying disproportionately affects young women and girls, although boys and adults (including school staff) can also be targeted. The widespread use of sexual insults and the acceptance of women as highly sexualized beings from a young age, mirrored in the media, advertising, celebrity culture and commercialism, communicates a natural expectation that young women are to be desirable and desired, and viewed almost as a sexual commodity. Young women who act and dress provocatively, seeking to age themselves to gain male interest, often find themselves on the receiving end of unwanted attention from both men and women – whether as sexual attention, jealousy or bullying. The conflict as to whether to get male attention and potentially be targeted by other men and women as a ‘slut’, or avoid such attention and be categorized as a prude or frigid, can leave girls in a state of anxiety and confusion, and lead to poorly reasoned impulsive behaviours.

      Homophobic bullying is closely linked to sexist and sexual bullying and falls on the continuum of gender and sexually related harassment. We define homophobic bullying as repeated or continual harassment that is both deliberate and targeted because of a person’s sexuality or perceived sexuality. Young people and adults may be targeted homophobicly, whether they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) or not, and many young women can find themselves on the receiving end of homophobia because of their non-conformity to traditional gender stereotypes or refusal to fit in with the ‘norm’, whatever it may be. The young woman who prefers to be friends with boys or who enjoys sports over shopping may find herself being labelled as a lesbian and viciously targeted as someone who is different and to be avoided.

      The dynamic of girl friendship groups and the often desperate need for girls to feel as though they belong and fit in can lead to sexist, sexual and homophobic bullying. Until girls are supported to feel more confident and comfortable within themselves and to understand how to meet their needs for inclusion and belonging, this damaging behaviour will continue unchecked in our schools and communities. As girls become more socially and emotionally aware and learn to make more positive, self-affirming choices, their sexual and romantic relationships will likewise become healthier.