What is becoming clearer is the need to identify ways to shift from fear to liberation before we can activate Black parents to challenge institutional oppression. The work has evolved from focusing on ways of parenting our children to engaging with Black parents to do their own healing and transformative work and supporting Black parents to understand intergenerational trauma rooted in slavery. Based on research by Dr. Joy DeGruy, there are many chains that need to be broken to heal Black parents from the impact of post-traumatic slave syndrome, such as punitive parenting styles, that are rooted in fear from slavery.
Rather than vilifying Black parents, Parenting for Liberation is working to unearth and connect to these deep-seated historical traumas and provide liberatory and healing practices for Black parents. When parents can access their own liberation and healing, they are equipped to advocate and support their children and community. Imagine Black parents with multiple seats at decision-making tables. The decisions and solutions conjured up in those spaces would be inherently radical, centering the most impacted and laying the foundation for equity for ourselves, in our homes, and in community.
Now, when Terrence is outside playing, he is no longer required to check in, declaring that he’s alive. Instead he plays in community with other children whose parents and grandparents I’ve built relationships with. I have the security of knowing that I don’t have to parent alone, and that there is a village of folks who are keeping an eye on him.
About This Guide
This guide is a compilation of stories collected from the podcast interview transcripts of Parenting for Liberation. Throughout the many conversations I’ve had with Black parents, it is becoming clear that the impact of fear and trauma is disconnection. Disconnection from self, from our children, and from community. Thus, the pathway to interrupting and healing from the trauma is reconnection.
This guide is broken down into three sections that highlight three paths of connection that support the shift from fear-based parenting to liberated parenting: (re)connection to self, (re)connection to our children, (re)connection to community.
Section One will highlight stories of parents who have explored the ways that we can (re)connect to ourselves such as increasing awareness of our own trauma response, exploring our own childhood trauma, identifying habits that were learned as children that we can unlearn, and exploring healing practices. Section Two will reveal stories of (re)connecting with our children by being in a mutual and equitable relationship with our children that honors their identity and their truths, exploring family practices that integrate children’s voices, and the types of educational environments that will help elevate their sense of pride in self as Black children. Section Three will share stories from parents who are (re)connecting to community by building with other Black parents to share stories, swap strategies, and remind us that we are not alone, while also connecting to larger societal contexts and social justice movements.
Accompanying each story are “Liberated Parenting Strategies,” which first invite you to reflect on a particular shift that you can make in your parenting followed by an opportunity to practice the strategies that are discussed in the story—what of those strategies are applicable to you and your parenting? Space is provided for your written reflections. Feel free to use other means to reflect such as art, poetry, journaling, etc.
This guide can be done individually or collectively. We know that each parent-child relationship is different and there are no one-size-fits-all guidelines for parenting. We hope that this guide inspires you on your journey toward liberatory parenting.
SECTION 1
(Re)connection to Self
Section One focuses on (re)connection with the self. Parents spend a lot of time, energy, and resources focused on their children. The first step on the path to parenting for liberation is to seize the opportunity to look at and be present to self through deep self-reflection and self-awareness. Section One provides an opportunity to look in the mirror—which can be challenging! This isn’t about looking at yourself in the mirror to fixate on flaws, but to instead embrace the pieces of you that are sometimes hard to accept and loving them, still—all the places of imperfection. Once you’ve looked in the mirror, another element of (re)connection to self involves parenting ourselves and nurturing ourselves—essentially, giving love and attention to our own inner child.
Throughout this section, you will read stories from Black parents who have begun the hard work of self-reflection and (re)connecting with self. Stories in this section will highlight narratives of parents who have explored the ways that we can reconnect to ourselves, including increasing awareness of our own trauma responses, exploring our own childhood trauma, identifying habits that were learned as children that we can unlearn, and exploring healing practices.
Following the stories of deep self-reflection, you will be invited to do your own self-reflection through various liberated parenting strategy exercises. The exercises engage a variety of reflection approaches such as poetry, music, videos, journaling, and art. We want to invite multiple ways of learning. As you do these exercises, notice what comes up for you. Reflecting on your childhood self, what are you learning about yourself? What are you loving—or learning to love—about yourself? As you do these exercises, remember to offer grace and love to the places that may feel hard, and gratitude and celebration to the places that feel joyful.
STORY 1
Breaking Apart as a Parent
Mai’a Williams, author of This Is How We Survive: Revolutionary Mothering, War, and Exile in the 21st Century
I met Mai’a in Los Angeles around Mother’s Day 2016. She was a brilliant and very matter-of-fact speaker during a panel reading and discussion on the life-affirming book Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines. Making the trek from Orange County to the venue in Chinatown, I was late, so I stood in the back, smooshed between the kids’ art activity table and the books for sale, in a room bursting at the seams with mothers, caregivers, and children. Mai’a shared her journey as a mother, of moving with her daughter abroad and experiencing surveillance and systemic violence. I recall nodding in agreement, as I had reflected on my own move from South Los Angeles to Orange County with my son. When it was time for the Q&A, I was nervous, but my friend, Dawn Marie, urged me to raise my hand. I shared my struggle with raising a Black boy and requested insights on how to transition from fear-based parenting to liberated parenting. That had been a question that I had been chewing on for the previous year. Mai’a’s answer during that short panel left me longing for more. I followed up with her and asked if she’d be a podcast guest and the rest is history. She was my first official podcast guest. I interviewed her from my home in Orange County while she was traveling for the book tour. In our discussion, we explored segments of her writings and Mai’a shared her radical mothering principles when it comes to safety, boundaries, and resilience from trauma. Here’s a snippet of what she graciously shared with me:
Breaking Apart
“While being a mother—whether it’s during the pregnancy, the birth, or in taking care of the baby; or even when your kid enters elementary school years, becomes a teenager, just somewhere along that path of being a mother—you will be broken apart. For me, that’s me on the floor crying—I mean like there’s nothing left. I’ve got nothing left to give. Every mother, sooner or later, gets to that stage where it just breaks you. To me, whenever that happens, it’s a bursting process. It is a moment of being traumatized. That is actually a moment in which we can make some choices. In the healing from that breaking apart and the healing from that trauma, we can choose to either become harsher, angrier, more bitter, closed off, and controlling of other people—or we can take that moment to see that, even while we are breaking apart, we haven’t been broken. This is actually an opportunity for me to be able to reach out and become more open, more community-oriented. It can be a pathway for us to be able to relate to our children and to other mothers, and be able to create