Four drinks into the evening and I was internally laughing at myself for feeling so nervous about this date. It had been much easier than I thought it would be. Jason was wonderful. He made me laugh, and the conversations felt equal. I never felt like when I was talking he was waiting to say what he wanted to say. He listened to me and I listened to him and together, we got to know each other.
He was an only child, which was a wild contrast to my four older siblings and seven nephews. His favorite color was purple, the same as mine. His music taste varied but has a strong love for alternative indie. And if he was stranded on an island, he would bring the Harry Potter series with him.
“Can I bring the whole series?” He asked. “Or do I have to pick one?”
“Oh good question,” I said. “I have no idea. Well, wait. I say you can bring the whole series only if I can also bring seven books.”
“I think that might be cheating,” he said laughing.
“I don’t make the rules, promise.”
From start to finish, the evening went smoothly. And when it was time to go, we hovered around the front of the bar for just a few more moments before going our own ways.
“I had a nice time tonight,” I said. “I was honestly so nervous about this but I think it went really well.”
“I agree,” he said. “We have to do this again sometime.”
“I’d love that.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet Cameron. He is going to love you.”
“Oh yeah” I felt my stomach drop just a little. “Wait, who is Cameron?”
“My boyfriend,” he said casually. My head began to pound.
“We have both been going on dates because we want to add a third to our relationship. You really would just fit so perfectly.”
I stood there in silence for a moment, staring at him, wondering at which point in our brief chat on the app and long conversations that evening I had given him any idea that that was what I was looking for.
“Ahhh, I am uh, I’m just gonna go. It was nice meeting you.” And as I turned I swear my eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out of my head. I pulled my phone out, opened up the dating app and went to Jason’s profile. Delete.
And then I walked home.
DATE TWO
After such a wonderful, and then weird, night with Jason, I wasn't completely sure why I agreed to go on another date from the app. But a guy named Brandon with tan skin and quirky framed glasses said hello and I couldn’t help but say it back.
Another date at another dimly lit and loud bar. Why was I doing this to myself? I showed up right on time this time around and sat alone at a table while I waited for him.
In my head, I was giving myself mini pep talks to help me get through the evening. I had learned a lesson the last time. People aren’t always going to be exactly who they say they are, and maybe that’s okay. I had to look at myself here and decide if even my own profile on the app made me out to be exactly who I was, and not just the parts of myself I wanted people to see.
Ten minutes went by and Brandon still hadn’t shown up, but I didn’t feel bothered yet. Ten minutes could mean that he was stuck in traffic, and not necessarily that I was being stood up.
At the twenty-minute late mark, I sent Jon a text message, “Brandon still hasn’t shown, remind me why I am doing this again?”
“Relax,” he responded. “He is probably just running late. Take a lap around the bar. Maybe he is already there waiting for you too.”
“Valid point,” I typed back and then stood to see if I could find him maybe sitting at a table behind a pillar or in a dark corner. Maybe he was also sitting nervously, thinking it was me who was standing him up.
I walked to each corner of the bar and looked around in all the crevices that could potentially be hiding a patiently waiting patron. I checked my app and didn’t have any messages from him. Maybe I was being stood up?
I walked across the bar once again and then down a hallway that led to the restrooms. I wasn’t really sure what my plan was at this point but I thought it was worth a shot.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw him though. At first, I wasn’t completely sure, but when I saw the glasses I just knew. At the end of the hallway was Brandon, pushed up against the wall, another man pushed up against him, their mouths connected and hands running all over each other's bodies.
Maybe I should have shown up earlier than right on time. Maybe he got bored waiting. Once again, and without my control, my eyes rolled and I deleted yet another potential suitor from the dating app.
Date Three
I wasn’t going to make the bar date mistake again. If I was going to go on a third date, it would be for lunch, in a well-lit restaurant. Or maybe even coffee. No more bars, though, I told myself. And that’s what I told Alex when he messaged me and asked me out on a date.
He sat across the table from me at a lunch spot I’d never been to but the patio seemed nice enough for a first date. He smiled and told me about how his morning had been so far. How he too had been on some bad bar dates and understood wanting to meet in the daylight.
I felt at ease to be completely honest. Alex was easy to talk to. He had a nice smile with shiny white teeth. He wore casual clothing and was an elementary school teacher. And I mean, who was nicer and easier to get along with than someone who teaches small children?
“How long have you been in the city?” he asked me.
“For three years now. Moved here from Indiana and I don’t think I’ll ever go back.”
“I totally get it. I moved here from California…things move to slowly there. I need the high energy and bustle.”
“I understand. Indiana is suffocating at times.”
The patio was starting to get busier as the official noon lunch hour was approaching, but we didn’t mind. Stuck in our own little world of conversations about life and work and the hilariously bad dates we had been on.
“So what do you do for fun?” He asked me.
“I like going to concerts. Movies. I try to travel a few times a year to a new place. I might drink too much wine alone in my apartment, but I won’t make that a definite trademark of my personality just yet. I love scrabble.” He was smiling with approval. “What about you?”
“I also like movies and concerts and travel. I go to the gym daily to start my day. Do you go to the gym?”
“I don’t have a gym membership. I mostly go for jogs around Central Park for exercise.”
“I see,” he said.
Something about the way his tone changed rubbed me the wrong way, but I shook it off. I was in no way out of shape, as if that should even matter. I mean I wasn’t incredibly fit like he was, but I wasn’t unfit either.
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you today,” he said. “I think you're cute and sweet and obviously very intelligent.”
“Thank you,” I said smiling. “I have enjoyed this too.”
“I’d like to see you again, but I do think you should consider getting a gym membership. I usually only date healthy, fit guys.”
I was dumbfounded. Unable to put together a sentence in my head. Was I that out of shape? Enough that someone I had just met would feel confident to point it out to me? I mean honestly, did I care