I want all parents to know that the myth that money will solve their problems is a complete lie. Private schools come with just as many problems as public schools, and in some cases, even more. Money is a helpful tool and nothing to be ashamed of, but it is not the solution. Solving problems from the heart and not the head is the solution. The powerful energy found in loving your child is the real gold to which everyone has unlimited access for free.
There is another myth going around that if we paid our teachers more, we would have better students. Again, another lie. I know horrible teachers making huge salaries, and I know amazing ones doing it for fun and for free. These are the teachers who matter, the ones who are teaching from the heart rather than the pocketbook. The ones who take care of themselves first and then make working with children their passion are the only teachers with the power of healthy change.
Teachers who do not take care of themselves first can’t be of service to children. If teachers’ basic survival needs aren’t met, they must find work that addresses that situation before they can be of maximum service. If the school offers a job that doesn’t pay enough, then don’t take the job. Don’t accept the job and hide behind the idea that you’re doing it for the children. Get another job, one that covers your basic needs. Then find a way to teach children privately, because everyone will come out better.
Teachers who hang out in classrooms because they’re protected by unions are in their own hell. They know exactly what they’re doing. The good news is that children will stand up against these teachers, using their voices and technology.
Many of my close friends are teachers. I’m not a teacher. I’m a tutor. This is where I’m allowed to make a difference. I have been paid to teach, but going down a credentialed teacher path was not my calling. I enjoy working with teachers and school administrators who want to bring about positive change.
I don’t want, need, desire or expect current school systems to change for the better. Quite the opposite—I’m pretty sure they’ll get worse on a global level because they continue to make choices that go against logic, common sense and solutions. This is covered in the section “Who Are They?” My hope is that as a parent you’ll stay away from trying to change the minds of teachers who have lost their minds. This is a waste of energy, time and effort. These strategies will dissolve, resolve and evolve any of the above-mentioned challenges. I know, because I participate in the change daily. Many of the solutions within these pages are unique. They emerged while working with parents, children, educators and people who have no direct connection to the world of education.
The real people giving birth to this book are the children, parents and friends who are a daily part of my life. Watching them learn, grow and expand their lives, minds and spirit is one of the highest forms of compensation I get from this work. These people have impacted and changed my life and me as a person, reminding me every day to remain neutral, search for the positive and always be the student.
I want to take a moment to share my thoughts about Homework Sanity’s tone.
Remember, everything in Homework Sanity is engineered and prioritized to move parents from feeling stuck, trapped, tortured, regretful, defeated, uninspired, taken advantage of, and hopeless to some form of reality-based hope, using tested techniques I utilize as a tutor.
The only advantage I have over parents is that I’m not the parent; yet, I want you to know that these tools work for parents. Yes, I have a unique talent and above-average ability to apply these techniques. That’s only because I trust them and have faith in utilizing them. I know they’re not simply my ideas; they’re ideas given to me from a bigger space than my own personal head and ego. They are gifts that I choose to pass on in these pages to help parents and children I’ll never get to meet under other circumstances.
The term “teacher” is used quite a bit. I know if you’re a teacher reading Homework Sanity, you’ll naturally be defensive and protective of your profession, especially after making it through some of the above paragraphs. When I use the term “teacher,” I’m not talking about the millions of amazing teachers out there in the world. I’m talking about the teachers who fall short, who compartmentalize, label and believe they’re in charge of the world called “the classroom” while at the same time they’ve lost touch with the real world based in reality. The reality is that our children must know how to learn, how to teach themselves and most important how to look beyond the first page of options in a Google search. Their job is to form thoughts, ideas and opinions worth putting down in writing, video, music or some form of art, then uploading the result so they can be a source of inspiration for someone else, a world away.
There is no world separate from the classroom. Teachers operating from this delusion of control are dangerous because they’re missing the solution to all of their troubles. Sometimes I want to grab these toxic teachers by the neck and say, “See those children? Try listening to them first and talking at them second. Assess where they’re at individually and within the group. Then do a crazy thing in the form of teaching them reading, writing, math and verbal skills. When that’s done, encourage them to find and expose their voices, brains and spirits. Then when you have to test them, explain that it is simply to check their progress.”
I would then add, “Oh, and when you’re done with that accomplishment, leave work and go enjoy your life. You do have a life outside of the classroom, right?”
Truth is, if you’re a great teacher and you’re reading this book, it will spark amazing ideas for you to help your students. Teachers with a child are facing an entirely different challenge than what is covered in this book, yet I believe you have an advantage. You can partner with your child in a way in which you know both sides of the challenge. Always side with them as a parent, even if it goes against your teaching mind. What’s more important to you—a job or your child? I would also say the same is true of the parent who is also a psychologist.
Parents who are teachers and psychologists need to hire tutors who are aligned with their thinking so the children can’t attack you professionally when they feel trapped. Remember, to them, your profession is something that takes you away from them. Even if you love your work, you have the added pressure of making sure you know how to show your children that your love for them is greater than your love for your work.
Another important distinction to make is the difference between “observation” and “labeling.” The vast majority of problems created for children is when they’re given a label. The label becomes a trap, something expected of them to exhibit. When a child is called “disruptive,” they believe that’s what they’re supposed to do and be.
Labeling becomes a trap by turning one person’s observation into a fact. This is a line too many people cross, blind to how it becomes arrogance. Observing is a way of getting to know the nature of someone or something. This is different from analyzing or labeling because when a person feels analyzed or labeled, they naturally feel like a target and quickly move to react to the arrogance: “Who are you to judge me?”
This becomes a point of contention. Observation gives us necessary information, providing space for first digesting those observations, then time for thought and forming the right question. We want to guide our children towards choices that bring them abundance rather than depletion. We want to ask them the right questions, channeling them to use their minds to solve problems. In this way we pass on the tools of accountability, responsibility and desirability.
The labeling trap isn’t limited to teachers. Think of how many observations about your child you’ve turned into facts. When you create a true partnership with your children, they’ll open up more to you than you can ever imagine today. They’ll expose parts of themselves that they’ve been hiding. Utilizing those moments for letting go of any rigid labels and allowing for the fluidity of observation is so much fun! Your children are different every day. If you don’t notice, they’ll make