Homework Sanity
Insights for Parents from a Private Tutor
Roger Wilkerson
Copyright © 2012 Homework Sanity, Inc.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of Homework Sanity.
The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.
2012-09-29
Dedication
“Listen up, class. In this world, if you’re good at something, you can make a living.”
-Mrs. Crabtree, my 1st- and 2nd-grade Teacher
“I’m less worried about your grammar, Roger. Your writing is always interesting to read. Voice and having something to say is more important than perfect grammar.”
-Mrs. Wright, my 6th-grade Teacher
“You are going to do things, big things.”
-Mr. Crawford, my 12th-grade Teacher
“I want you to take some of our courses even though we’re not your major.”
-Cortland Anderson, Director of Ohio University School of Journalism & former VP of Washington Post Co.
Acknowledgments
Nothing of value gets done alone. At the center of this story are clearly all the children I’ve been honored to work with. Behind every child is a loving parent who simply wants a better life for their child. A few of those parents stand out: Susan, Jonathan, Sue Ann, Elizabeth, Jenny, John, Leah, Beth, Monica, Kevin, Susan, Anja, Jerry, Kim, Kyle and Claire.
Two especially stand out for showing me this isn’t solely a U.S. problem, but an international one as well. I’m extremely grateful to them and respect their desire for privacy. I will always be grateful for them opening me up to a whole new world.
Then there are the people who help put the words into a finished product. These helpers are easy to name: Greg, Amy, Carol, Leslie and Michael, and the team at FastPencil (Steve, Mariena, Matt, Mash and Melody) who helped turn this manuscript into a finished book.
To all of you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
With Gratitude
To anyone who has helped me on this journey. With a special thank you to the students and parents who have made this approach a reality and not just an idea.
Much Love, Roger
Division meltdowns and giving a teacher too much power over a child. The teacher told him he was not at grade level in reading, so naturally he hated reading—until we found out together that the teacher was wrong. Four weeks later, reading became his hobby, and the new antagonist in his school-life movie became division.
Meltdowns, breakdowns and eventually breakthroughs; this is one of many inspiring success stories. Read more in the chapter “Success Stories.”
Introduction
Thank you, gracias, shukran, salamat, mahalo, merci beaucoup, danke, xie xie, arigato and danyawaad for taking the time to purchase Homework Sanity.
Writing, organizing, editing and ultimately finalizing the contents has been a group effort. While my name may be on the cover, any author will tell you the finished product was not accomplished alone. Truth is, nothing is ever accomplished by ourselves. Fortunately, that is what this parental “cookbook” is all about—cooking up and creating a healthy group around your children that nurtures their academic life, using many of the recipes, spices and ingredients found in the following pages.
Homework Sanity guides parents by exposing them to a path of creating a brave new world with their children, formed as a partnership. This is about removing the thankless parent/child relationship of Nasty Homework Hall Monitor from Hell. This “partnership with your child” system shows parents how to look at their children in a whole new light. Better lighting creates better pictures and memories worth framing.
All of this homework chaos is created by over-testing and by toxic and broken school systems. Dysfunctional groups of people are placing their personal wants over the educational needs of our children. This toxicity is an international issue and can be found within both public and private schools. Money does not transform sludge into edible fudge. Tools, tips and tricks found in these chapters offer valuable solutions to reduce, relieve and release parental stress around homework.
The key point of view is understanding that the child is the teacher and we are the students.
This minor adjustment in mental attitude consistently provides positive results, regardless of the personal, economic, social, political, intellectual, psychological or emotional temperament of the child. Once the child is put first, then things fall into place.
Being of service is the solution. In order to be of maximum service, we have to make sure we have taken care of our needs first. Handing out food on a soup kitchen line is not nearly as fun if we have not eaten for the past three days. Children crave, desire, want and need private attention and this book helps you to deliver just that on a daily basis.
One of the ways we are going to take care of ourselves is getting a handle on the problems, issues and challenges we face before taking action on them. Our thoughts, attitudes, theories, methods and belief systems will change over time. Yet we must find a clear starting point before taking action, giving our actions purpose and focus rather than pointlessness.
The only advantage I have over you when working with a child is that I am not your child’s parent. I am just an adult voice listening to them—really listening to them. Once children feel heard, obstacles are removed and miracles happen because their frustration, anger, despair, hatred and rage are broken up. When these walls are broken down, children talk and provide us with the truth as they see the world. The more we understand how their eyes view the situation, the better position we are in to talk with them about other ways of seeing. By nature, we all repeat mistakes until we see a healthier option.
Giving them options is our job. They are accountable and responsible for their choices. If they cannot see a positive choice, they will continue to make negative ones. Exposing them to positive choices is our role. This way, they can reap the benefits or suffer the consequences. Either way, they learn, grow and become the best version of themselves possible.
My greatest joy is showing parents pathways of protection, nurturing and encouragement for their children and the children around them. Many of these paths are in these pages or on the Internet at http://www.homeworksanity.com. Additionally, the contents provide you with options to find your own unique adjustments. No matter what choices you make, feeling empowered to make those decisions is a result I can guarantee.
Thank you again in all languages, but most importantly from the language of my heart to yours, for letting me into your life via these pages. I am grateful to be a small part of your team.
Roger