Chapter Three
Surgery Number One
“God understands our prayers even when we can’t find the words to say them.” — Unknown Author
The day of the biopsy I arrived with my camera in hand. I was told that Dr. B had an emergency at the hospital and would be at least an hour late. I wasn’t too concerned since I had the whole day off and decided that if “I” were the emergency, I would certainly want Dr. B to take the time to care for me. When you try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes it sometimes makes the waiting a bit easier.
I was taken to the room and asked the usual questions about not eating or drinking for so many hours before I came in. Everyone in the outpatient area was very nice and the initial “stuff” went fine. From there I went back to see Dr. G in the Breast Care Center. Due to the type of lump (as I learned later, almost all of the growths are called lumps, whether a mass or actual lump) the idea was for Dr. G and his assistant to give me another mammy to pinpoint the exact location of the suspicious area. This time it was a lot different.
The technician brought me into another room at the Center where we met Dr. G. I was placed in a very straight back chair and wheeled into the mammogram machine. There I was positioned into the machine and squished again. The most difficult part this time was that I had to remain perfectly still AND SQUISHED for almost three minutes while they checked the film to make sure it was okay. Believe me, while being squished, three minutes sure seems like a lot longer than 180 seconds!
Then the fun stuff! (Before I tell you the specifics of the next medical procedure, I want to emphasize that it was the lighthearted exchange I had with the doctor and nurse during the procedure which made the experience tolerable.) Dr. G numbed Inny – I felt a little pressure but no pain as he used a needle to get her nice and numb. He then stuck a little funnel with a sharp hollow needle at the end into the top of Inny!!! From there he took another long needle (more like a piece of flexible wire) and stuck it into the funnel and into the breast. In reality it was probably 3-4 inches long, but seemed like a lot longer on the picture they sent to Dr. B. There was a series of four pictures taken. This was very important for Dr. B to be able to see exactly where he should make the cut and look for the suspicious tissue.
Dr. G and the technician were joking with me the entire time about the procedure. For some of you this may seem a bit cold, but I can honestly tell you that their lighthearted approach made all the difference in my approach to the matter. Although this was a very serious situation, I kept remembering that I could not change it and I recalled the tremendous value the role of laughter can make in improving health.
Through all of the initial mammys and this procedure, the doctor made comments about my breasts being so dense. Personally, I didn’t think he knew me well enough to make that personal judgment, but maybe he’s just quick!!! The fact that I am petite (no, I never use the word small when it comes to my height or breast size!!!) but have dense breasts made it even more difficult for Dr. G to insert the needle. However, he did an excellent job of numbing me first and except for a little pressure, I didn’t feel much of anything. The procedure took maybe 20 minutes all together. They placed a hard surgical mask, similar to what you use when working with paint, over my breast and I was taken back to the room to wait for Dr. B.
As it turned out, he was close to two hours late for my surgery due to the emergency. I was ready to get this over with, but again, I felt that if I was the person who really needed his surgical skills, I would be happy he was there for me.
When Dr. B finally arrived in my room, he was wearing the traditional green scrubs, but it was his head covering that drew my attention!! When was the last time you met a guy wearing a bright blue cap with neon, hot pink triangles??? I knew I liked him from the beginning, but since I love bright colors – he was really my kind of doctor!
He again patiently explained the procedure and asked if I had any questions. Since he did a thorough job preparing me for what was coming, I didn’t have any questions. (Trust me, I made up for it later!! I think I broke his record for questions!) He told me he would see me after the surgery and we would talk more then. The nurse came back into the room and jacked up the I.V. and we were ready to roll. Shortly thereafter I was wheeled into the operating room.
I remember being moved from one table to the other, but that is all I remember until I woke up at the end of the surgery. When the anesthesiologist had talked to me before the surgery, he had explained that he was doing a local I.V. for the operation. I wouldn’t feel anything and wouldn’t be completely asleep, but if I did feel any pain, I was to let him know. I vaguely remember feeling a pinch a couple of times and I think he turned up the juice and I fell asleep on my own.
I woke up just as they were finishing the surgery. I remember hearing Dr. B talking to other people and then I was wheeled into the room to wake up completely.
About ten minutes later Dr. B came into the room. We had the video camera ready, and again, I am very thankful for this important suggestion. He told me that he was very suspicious of the tissue he took out, and would be very surprised, happy, but surprised if the tissue came back cancer-free. He explained the hardness of the tissue and how this was a good indicator of non-healthy tissue, but he wouldn’t know anything for certain for two days. I had an appointment to see him two days later to learn the actual results.
I was sent home to recover and think about the options ahead. It truly helped that he told me what he thought. Even though I had that glimmer of hope that he could be wrong, at least thinking that it probably was cancer helped me to make some decisions about what I might have to do in the very near future.
For some people, the idea of him telling me that there was a real possibility of cancer, without knowing for sure, was a bad decision on his or my part. Unless he was 100% sure, why should he tell me this and have me worry about the true news for a couple of days. However, I had developed a deep trust in Dr. B as a skilled surgeon. I knew that he was experienced in these matters, and I believed he would not tell me in this manner unless he was confident in his suspicion. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have faith in your caregivers!
First Tears
The ride home was the first time I cried, but I really didn’t cry, more like my eyes leaked. I believe my only words on the way home were, “Now, how the hell (excuse the language) am I going to tell the girls (my daughters) THIS?” I don’t live far from the hospital, but it was a long, quiet fifteen-minute ride. I quietly said a few other choice words, but not in anger, more in shock at this point.
The recovery at home went well. I used ice packs and some medication for pain that evening and went to work for most of the next day. I had to teach a class that night and a workshop early the following morning. For me, this was a good way to keep busy and try to make the time to the Thursday appointment go much faster.
I spent a lot of time reading and re-reading the books that the doctor had given me and the information I had found when searching the internet. This helped with the second, much longer list of questions I wanted to ask during the next appointment. One internet site I found extremely helpful was the National Institutes of Health, National Cancer Institute (www.nih.gov). I have used this site many times since then, not only to answer my questions, or find information that prompted more questions, but also to help others seeking information on cancers and other illnesses.
A lot of time was spent talking to family and friends about their thoughts. I didn’t want to talk to other people who had been through this, as I didn’t want someone saying something that would take away from the high level of trust I had personally developed in my doctor. The time was spent more in telling people that I needed